Praise God. SCOTUS declares DOMA Unconstitutional

We are living history. 

And this clergy woman ally cried when the Windsor and Perry decisions were announced.  This mom of a gay son cried.  This friend of more same gender loving people than I can count cried.  This 35 year advocate for sexual justice wept with joy. 

The Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional.  Same sex couples in California can get married.  Legalized same sex marriages will be recognized by the federal government.

Same sex couples in 38 states still don't have the right to marriage.  We're not done with fighting for equality -- but for now, we celebrate.  And I have no doubt the next cases will expand these rights for all. 

Here's the statement the Religious Institute just released:

STATEMENT FROM THE REV. DEBRA W. HAFFNER, PRESIDENT, RELIGIOUS INSTITUTE ON SCOTUS MARRIAGE DECISIONS

As religious leaders, we celebrate the Supreme Court decisions on marriage equality and that the Defense of Marriage Act has been declared unconstitutional. 

The faiths we affirm challenge us to speak and act for justice for all who seek to express their love in the commitment of marriage.  We find support for marriage equality in our scriptures and our traditions in their overriding messages about love, justice, and inclusion of the marginalized. Many religious traditions already perform marriages for same-sex couples; at least a dozen Christian denominations and Jewish movements, allow their clergy to perform marriage or union ceremonies for same-sex couples.  As religious leaders, we affirm that persons of all sexual orientations should have the right to civil marriage and its benefits.  As our traditions affirm, where there is love, the sacred is in our midst.

The United States is one of the most diverse religious countries in the world. We affirm that religious denominations must have the right to discern who is eligible for marriage in their own tradition. In addition, all clergy should be free to solemnize marriages without state interference based on their own traditions and conscience.  Same sex couples in every state must have the right to legal marriage. 

We join with millions of people of faith in celebrating today.  We pledge to continue our work for marriage equality and relational justice for all.   

JOIN THE RELIGIOUS INSTITUTE TODAY FOR A TWITTER WORSHIP SERVICE AT 1:30 P.M. EST AT #SCOTUSWORSHIP  

Meditations on the Good News: Awe Came Upon Everyone

Yesterday, Pentecost was celebrated by Christians worldwide as the birthday of the Christian Church, and so I wanted to share with you this Pentecost reflection from my book Meditations on the Good News: Reading the Bible For Today.

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Awe came upon everyone.

Acts 2:43

Later on that Pentecost day, “awe came upon everyone,” and all had the “goodwill of all the people” (Acts 2:47). No one is left out. All the people, no matter how different, receive the grace of being alive, of sharing the possibilities of being filled with reverence and the joy of living.

As I write this, the birds outside my window are singing different songs, some in their own robin language, some in their own wren language, some their own sparrow language. At first, I only hear it as birds singing, a single blended note. But when I slow down and really listen, the different songs emerge. I hear the robin, the sparrow and the wren individually. They are singing to their mates, but for right now, it feels like they are singing to me.

I look outside my window, and at first my mind only registers that there are tall green trees. But, as I slow myself down, I differentiate the evergreen, the pine, and the maple. I watch a bird fly from one to the other. By slowing down for a moment and really looking, really listening, I feel awe for the nature that I too often overlook.

The day is dawning, and I am given the gift of seeing today.

We have the opportunity to be awed, in our everyday surroundings, every day. Take a moment, right now, and look outside your window. Look, really look, at the nature that is right outside your window. Open your ears and listen, really listen. Take a deep breath and be in awe that you are created in a body that breathes for you without your needing to do anything at all.

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Take a few minutes throughout today just to be and observe. Let today be a day, to paraphrase e.e cummings’ words, when the ears of your ears awake and the eyes of your eyes are opened.

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

Tell ESPN Anti-Gay Is Not Christian/Support Jason Collins

NBA Basketball Player Jason Collins inspired so many — including me — with his courage in coming out as a gay man and citing his Christian faith as a core reason for being public about his sexuality.

But hours after the news broke, ESPN sportscaster Chris Broussard’s said to millions of viewers: "I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I don't think the Bible would characterize them as a Christian."

Since that moment, ESPN only tepidly apologized.

Working with our amazing partners at Groundswell/Auburn seminary, we created a petiton that
More than 800 people of faith have already signed demanding that ESPN not allow anti-gay speech to go unchallenged – 

 Will you join our campaign? Click here to tell ESPN that Christian doesn't equal anti-gay.

When NBA player Jason Collins came out as gay, he noted “My parents instilled Christian values in me. They taught Sunday school, and I enjoyed lending a hand. I take the teachings of Jesus seriously, particularly the ones that touch on tolerance and understanding.”


After years of hiding who he was, this courageous basketball player needs our support.
Click here to take action. 

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More about the Religious Institute:
The Religious Institute applauds Jason Collins' courageous public witness, and our network of religious leaders affirms sexual and gender diversity as a blessed part of life. The Religious Institute is a national nonprofit advocating for sexual and reproductive justice, education and health in faith communities and in society. Click here to check it out. 
About Groundswell 
Groundswell is a place for people of faith, the seeking, and the secular to advocate for change they want to see in their communities. Together, we echo, amplify, and empower each other’s calls for justice. It's where anyone, like you, can easily set up a petition, recruit your friends and colleagues through social media, email whoever signed the petition, and get campaign support from Groundswell headquarters in New York City to make your campaign successful. Click here to check it out.

Marriage Equality:Personal is Political, Political is Personal

It's not often that we get to watch history being made. But as I watched the news this morning and saw colleagues standing in front of the Supreme Court, my heart thrilled knowing that inside the Justices were hearing the first arguments in a Supreme Court case that the Religious Institute was participating in as an "amici"--a friend of the case. Today, the Court will hear a case on the constitutionality of Proposition 8, the California law that bans same sex marriage. Tomorrow, the Court will hear the case on the constitutionality of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, the bill that Bill Clinton now wishes he had never signed.

I've been working on marriage equality for more than a decade, although I remember distinctly that after the attempt to legalize marriage in Hawaii was turned down, it seemed more realistic to work for civil unions than marriage.  The first version of the Religious Declaration on Sexuality Morality, Justice, and Healing called for clergy to support "the blessings of same sex unions" because civil marriage seemed like too remote a possibility. That was only 13 years ago.

My commitment to marriage grew when I went to New Paltz, New York in 2004, under threat of arrest, to perform marriage ceremonies for same sex couples. Two of my Unitarian Universalist colleagues had been arrested the week before, standing outside of Mayor Jason West's office in the tiny upstate New York town. This week, six of us went, fully garbed in clerical robes and stoles, prepared to be arrested to marry six more couples.

The first couple we married were two men in their late sixties in matching ties and blazers. They had been together 35 years. One of their 93-year-old mothers had flown up from Florida. Clutching her purse in a borrowed winter coat, she cried as my colleague pronounced them married. She said to me, "I've waited all my life to see my son married."

I knew at that moment that civil unions would never be enough.

That same year, I led a meeting of theologians to develop the Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality. It declared, "where there is love, the sacred is always in our midst." The Open Letter has now been endorsed by more than 2800 clergy from more than fifty faith traditions. It's been used in historic battles in California and Maine, and echoed by religious leaders in states across the country. The Religious Institute has played an active role in educating faith leaders about marriage equality and providing them with the theological framework to use in their pulpits and in the public square. 

I cheered when Massachusetts became the first state to have marriage equality in 2004. I was thrilled when I finally got to say the words, "by the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut" when I marriage two women shortly after Connecticut made marriage legal. I had the honor of marrying two 87-year-old men who had been together for 57 years when marriage became legal for them in New York.

And one day, I hope to officiate at the legal marriage of my son and his to-be-chosen future partner, knowing that he will have the same rights as my daughter and her soon-to-be husband, as I have had with my partner of now 31 years. And that those rights won't only be in Connecticut and New York and 7 other states (plus the District of Columbia), but will be recognized everywhere.

My prayers today and tomorrow will be with the lawyers and the Justices and all those who have worked so hard to get to this day. Where there is love, the sacred is in our midst.

Meditations on the Good News: God will again have compassion upon us

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks.

I hope you enoy this excerpt. There is a special offer at the end of this post for those interested in reading the whole book. 

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God does not retain his anger forever....God will again have compassion upon us
Micah 7:18–19

I once gave a talk at a major university on sexuality and religion. At the end of the speech a teenage girl and her mother waited in the line where I was signing copies of my books until everyone else had left.

The (about) sixteen-year-old came forward and whispered, “Do you think God forgives the sins that people commit as teenagers?”

I asked her if she believed in a God of love and forgiveness. She answered “Yes.” I told her I did too, and that I believed that there is nothing we could do — young or old — that would alienate us from God’s love.

I wish I had remembered this passage from Micah in that moment. It not only doesn’t imply that all people are sinners, but that God forgives people when they do sin and shows mercy and compassion to us.

Some of you have a different idea of sin than I do. My theology does not believe in original sin, the idea that all people are born as sinners, or that sin is transmitted by the very act of sex that brings us into being. I often talk about “original blessing” to illustrate that all of our births are miracles, beginning with a sexual act and hopefully conceived in a loving relationship. How different the history of religion might be if St. Augustine had conceived of “original blessing” rather than original sin! My own concept of sin is about broken relationships, causing suffering, and not honoring the gifts of life. Almost all faith traditions teach that there is always a possibility for love, healing and restored relationships.

This passage from Micah emphasizes healing, forgiveness and compassion from God. I also think it’s a call to us not to stay angry, to forgive, to show mercy and have compassion for those who have angered, crossed or hurt us. It reminds us when we have been hurt by another to reach for compassion rather than return the anger.

My own senior minister, Rev. Frank Hall, often ends his service with these words from poet Miller Williams:

“Have compassion for everyone you meet even if they don’t want it. What seems bad manners, an ill temper or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone.”

I often remind myself of these words when I’m behind an angry passenger at the airport or a person who pushes me in the supermarket line or a driver who cuts me off cursing me because I’m driving the speed limit. I don’t really know what is going on with them, so rather than responding with returned temper or ill manners, I try to remind myself, “Compassion. I don’t know what else is going on in their lives today.”

It can even be with someone you think you know well. Perhaps a dear friend or even your spouse is insensitive to your feelings or rude or sarcastic to you. Before getting upset with him or her, it may be useful to ask what else happened that you don’t know about. You could say something like, “You are usually so loving. I feel hurt (or angry) by what you just said, but I wonder what I don’t know is going on in your life.” I once had a major falling out with a dear friend. Months later, as we met to reestablish our friendship, we learned that we had both been going through deep stress during that time that we had taken out on each other. We chose to forgive each other and move on in order to reclaim our friendship.

A minister friend of mine taught me the spiritual practice of saying “fascinating.” She told a story of one person blowing up at another person at a staff meeting and walking out of the room. The woman who was the recipient of the anger said aloud, “Fascinating,” and continued on with the meeting. When my friend asked her how she could respond so neutrally, she explained that when faced with such situations, she had trained herself to say “fascinating” aloud and wonder with intention what could be going on behind the other’s behavior.

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What if for today, like God in the Micah passage above, you responded to every negative interaction with forgiveness, mercy and compassion? What if you trained yourself to think and say “fascinating” in such circumstances, being curious about what causes a person to act that way? How might that change your way of being in the world?

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

Meditations on the Good News: Joy Comes With the Morning

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks. This section feels particularly appropriate to me as we enter the Lenten season.

I hope you like it. There is a special offer at the end of this post for those interested in reading the whole book. 

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Weeping may linger for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5

There are times in everyone’s life when our sorrow is so deep that it seems like we will never be happy again. A loved one has died, a child or a lover is seriously ill, a dear friend moves away, a child leaves home, someone tells us that they no longer want to be in a relationship with us. We may actually feel sensations of grief, deep in our chest, that our heart is breaking. At the beginning we may be wracked, sobbing great tears, crying from a place so deep inside us that just moments prior we didn’t even know existed. A little later, little reminders of that person cause us to break into tears at unexpected moments.

You may be feeling that way now. Surely most of us have had this experience by our mid- to late twenties, some of us much earlier. When we love, truly love, other people — children, friends, family members, partners — when they leave us, whether through moving or death or just moving on, our hearts break.

Yet, Psalm 30 teaches that God can turn “mourning into dancing” (Ps. 30:11) and that “joy comes with the morning” (Ps. 30:5). This is no hollow platitude, a “you’ll get over it” as too many parents counsel their teens getting over first love. It is instead God’s promise. Joy will return.

Why? The passage reminds us that our sorrow is so deep precisely because we have allowed ourselves the vulnerability, the intimacy of truly loving another. We would not hurt so much if we hadn’t loved so much. And the experience of that lost love affirms that we have the capacity to love again.

If you are feeling deep sorrow now, be with it. Don’t wish it away, don’t hurry your grief. Cry, talk about it, allow yourself to be overwhelmed. Look at photos, collect your memories. Sit with your loss.

If you are a friend of someone who is mourning, just be with him or her. You don’t have to “do” anything. Sit together. Listen. Be present. You only need to say, “I’m sorry” and mean it.

Remind yourself that happiness can and will return. Some of us may need medical or psychological help to get through these periods; all of us will need time.

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Even in your grief, try to do one little thing that pleases you today. Breathe in a flower. Drink a good cup of coffee. Stretch your body. Go for a walk. Allow yourself a few moments to remember that life is good. Joy will come again.

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

Meditations on the Good News: Valentine's Day Edition

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks, starting today with one that is particularly apt for Valentine’s Day. I hope you like it!

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Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24–25

Thus ends the second chapter of Genesis, the second chapter in the Bible, and an alternative to the creation story in Genesis 1.

In Genesis 1, God creates humankind on the sixth day, creating a male and a female in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). The very first thing God says to these new human beings? “Be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28) or in other words, “Go have sex and make babies.”

Genesis 2 is believed by most Biblical historians to have been written at an earlier time than Genesis 1 and is an alternative story of the creation. After creating Adam, God recognizes that Adam needs a companion and a helper: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner” (Gen. 2:18). This version goes on to say that God then formed every animal and every bird, and brought them to the man, but Adam did not find among them a suitable “helper as a partner.” It is only after rejecting the animals as partners that God put the man into a deep sleep, and created Woman.

And then the words of Genesis 2:24–25 follow. They tell us the man and the woman were naked, they engaged in sexual intercourse, and they were not ashamed of their bodies or their sexuality. Procreation is never mentioned in this version of the creation story. 
 

What a joyful reminder of the gift of our sexuality. At the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, humans enjoy their bodies without shame or guilt. We are made for each other, as helpers, partners and lovers. 

Side by side, the very two first chapters of the Bible emphasize the equality of men and women, recognize that we need a mate who is a helper, partner and lover, and affirm sexual acts as potentially procreative, but also joyous and re-creative without procreation. At the end of the sixth day, God “saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good” (italics mine; Gen. 1:31). Everything — including our sexuality. 

These passages remind me of a moment in Alice Walker’s The Color Purple. Shug says in response to Celie’s protest to an allusion about sexual response: 

“Oh, she say. God love all them feelings. That’s some of the best stuff God did. And when you know God loves ’em you enjoys ’em a lot more. You can just relax, go with everything that’s going, and praise God by liking what you like . . . . Listen, God love everything you love — and a mess of stuff you don’t.” 

Rather than viewing sexuality as sinful, these opening chapters of the Bible teach that sexuality is God’s life-giving and life-fulfilling gift to us. Many people mistakenly believe that the Bible only contains two messages about sexuality: “Don’t” and “Sex Is Only for Procreation in Marriage.” The Bible’s view on sexuality is much richer and more complex than most people know. Indeed, the Bible teaches that our bodies are wonderful and to be enjoyed, that there are many forms of blessed relationships and that we must not abuse or exploit this sacred gift. 

 

For a few moments, take the time to think about what this means to you. Growing up, did you learn that your sexuality was a blessing from God to be celebrated? Or did you learn that sexual feelings were wrong, needed to be confessed and subverted? Can you open yourself to feel deep inside your bones that your sexuality is a precious gift? What would it mean for you to “be naked and not ashamed” with yourself or with your partner? What might it mean for you today? 

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

Religious Leaders Support Family Planning!

I'm delighted to tell you that this morning, the Religious Institute released its new Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning, endorsed by more than 1000 religious leaders from across the theological spectrum.  

The new Open Letter  recognizes that all women must have equal access to contraception, and states that “the denial of [coverage for] family planning services effectively translates into coercive childbearing and is an insult to human dignity.” The release of this statement coincides with the recent Obama Administration release of proposed regulations, which affirmed its commitment to assure all women have birth control access without cost or administrative hurdles.

Too many of the press reports on the regulations equated the opposition of the Roman Catholic hierarchy to the inclusion of family planning services in the American Care Act with all religious institutions.  It is a critical misunderstanding to equate the minority of those religious leaders who have fought the coverage of birth control during the past year with threats and lawsuits, with the majority of people of faith in the United States who support access to contraception. Let us be clear that support for religious freedom means that women must have the right to accept or reject the principles of their own faith without restrictions, regardless of their place of employment or geographical location. It is unethical for any single religious voice to claim to speak for all religious people in this debate.

More than a dozen major religious denominations have policies that support contraception. In addition, more than 8 in ten women at risk of unintended pregnancy use modern contraceptive methods, regardless of religious affiliation.

The 1000 endorsers of the new Open Letter come from 45 states and more than 35 religious traditions, including each of the major mainline Protestant denominations, Southern Baptist, Roman Catholic, and Muslim traditions. Participating faith leaders include 8 current and former presidents of national denominations including the Rev. Geoffrey A. Black (United Church of Christ), the Rev. Wes Granberg-Michaelson (Reformed Church in America), the Rev. Peter Morales (Unitarian Universalist Association), the Rev. Dr. Sharon E. Watkins (Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)), and the Reverend Nancy Wilson, (Metropolitan Community Churches); seminary presidents including Dr. Philip A. Amerson (Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary), the Rev. Dr. Serene Jones (Union Theological Seminary), and The Very Rev. Katherine Ragsdale (Episcopal Divinity School) and faculty from sixteen seminaries;  heads of more than twenty national religious organizations, including the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good (Dr. Richard Cizik), Women of Reform Judaism (Rabbi Marla Feldman), the Beatitudes Society (Rev. Anne Howard), Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (Rev. Harry Knox), Catholics for Choice (Jon O’Brien), the Methodist Federation for Social Action (Jill A. Warren) and Muslims for Progressive Values (Ms. Ani Zonneveld); and prominent theologians from diverse perspectives including the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo, the Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, Dr. Mary Hunt, the Right Reverend Gene Robinson, and Dr. Elizabeth Schussler. The Reverends Jones, Watkins, and Wilson all recently were worship leaders at the National Prayer Service. 

The Open Letter was developed in 2012 as a direct response to increasing attempts to deny or restrict family planning access. The Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning was developed at a colloquium of a dozen renowned faith leaders and theologians sponsored by the Religious Institute. Participants included nationally prominent theologians and ordained clergy from Jewish, Roman Catholic, Protestant (evangelical and mainline denominations), Muslim and Unitarian Universalist traditions.





To read the entire letter, view the endorsers, or see the press release, go to www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp

My new book: Meditations on the Good News!

Dear friends and colleagues:

My new book, "Meditations on the Good News: Reading the Bible for Today" is (finally) available for sale at amazon.com


The book is a series of meditations on Biblical passages that encourage the readers to lead a hopeful, joyful life.  It is a direct response to those who say that the Bible teaches that we are all sinners (it does not) and I hope that it re-introduces the Bible to those who believe it is irrelevant to life today.  And yes, I include many of the passages that celebrate our sexuality.

I say in the book, "You don't need to be Christian or Jewish or Unitarian Universalist or attend a church or synagogue to benefit from these Biblical insights.  You don't need to believe in a creed, or indeed believe in organized religion at all to apply these lessons in your own daily life....You can be "spiritual, not religious" or "religious and spiritual" and still find or make meaning."

I hope some of you may be interested in reading it (it's available on Kindle as well).  During the next few weeks, I'll run a few excerpts at this blog. 

Warm wishes to you all.

Debra

PS The direct link to copy and paste is http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Good-News-Reading-Bible/dp/0985594918/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358966585&sr=1-1&keywords=Debra+Haffner+Meditations 

Celebrating and Lamenting Roe (and Abortion) at 40

I was 18 when Roe v. Wade was decided.  I thought, as I walked that day to class, that abortion would now be legal and local and that the controversy would ebb away.  I could never have imagined that 40 years later, as a post-menopausal woman, I’d still be working to assure that abortion would be accessible to all, regardless of age, income, or geography.

I think my 18 year old self would have been appalled.  That 18 year old had already helped a friend get to New York City for an abortion because it wasn’t legal in Connecticut.  That 18 year old had already had a friend who had been sent to an “aunt” for a school year to have a baby and give it up for adoption.  That 18 year old had already had a high school classmate who had dropped out of school to have a baby.  That 18 year old already knew that her grandmother had had an illegal abortion.

I cheered that Supreme Court decision – and all those who had worked to make it happen.
On this 40th anniversary, I cheer that Roe has held, but despair that we still have to fight.  I loved the President’s line about Selma, Seneca Falls, and Stonewall, linking the civil rights and equality of all.  I wish he had something about women’s reproductive rights.  (As an aside to this blog, I also wish he had remembered the B ad the T in LGBT, as they were invisible yesterday, but that’s another blog this week!)

I applaud all those along the way who have stood for reproductive justice.  Let us hold in our hearts those who have gone before us in working to protect the rights of women.  Let us stand with those in every part of the globe who are working still to protect women’s access to services and to assure that no woman dies giving birth to the next generation.   On this 40th anniversary of the Roe decision, we remember in sorrow women around the world who have died because of dangerous or illegal abortions, and the providers who have been murdered providing women with these services. 

Let us applaud those clergy who have worked so hard to help people understand that there are religious foundations for affirming abortion as a morally justifiable decision and that women are moral agents who have the right and responsibility to make their own decisions about their reproductive health and futures.  We believe that the sanctity of human life is best upheld when we assure that it is not created carelessly.  It is precisely because life and parenthood are so precious that no woman, regardless of income or geography, should be coerced to bring a pregnancy to term.  We pledge our compassion and support for all who face these difficult decisions. 

Join with us.  Work with us on reproductive and sexual justice.  May there come a day when every child is planned and wanted; every pregnancy safe and supported by medical services; every abortion legal and safe and without unnecessary laws and restrictions; every woman able to make her own moral decisions about her fertility and family size. 

Celebrate Roe today.  Get back to work tomorrow. 

Dr. Douglas Kirby, Rest in Peace, Dear Friend

My dear friend and colleague Dr. Doug Kirby died last weekend at the age of 69 while hiking a mountain in Ecuador.  According to his guide, he stopped for a drink of water, looked out at the moonlit landscape, said, "Isn't life great!", clutched his chest and died instantaneously.  The autopsy said it was a heart attack and stroke. 

Doug was a giant in the sexual and reproductive health field.  He did the first national study of sexuality education in the late 70's and the first national evaluation of school based clinics in the 1980's.  In 1988, he moved to California to become the director of research at ETR Associates, where he was working until his death.  He was one of the hardest working people I know.  We often talked about his cutting back: in our last conversation, he said, "I'm just accepting it's genetic. I'm never going to stop working this hard." 

Doug's impact on the world is enormous.  His evaluations led him to created the characteristics of effective sexuality and HIV prevention programs.  His monographs No Easy Answers and later No Emerging Answers taught us all what was effective prevention and which programs work and he taught us all how to use new logic models to improve our work.  His work formed the basis for the national programs list that is funded by the federal government.  In the past decade, he began his international work, completing the evaluation of AIDS prevention programs in Uganda, and working with the World Health Organization, UNESCO, USAID, and UNFPA on improving programs around the world.  He spoke to the House of Lords in London, Presidential Commissions, the ministers of health from around Latin America...and even more. 

He and I first worked together at the Center for Population Options (now Advocates for Youth) from 1984 to 1988.  He was the Director of Research, I was the Director of Education.  I referred to him as my "office husband"; we had lunch together nearly every day when we were both in town.  I think we must have had a thousand slices of pizza together.  We didn't always agree and we had long long discussions about the impact of some of his findings on advocacy.  He was a steadfast researcher with an unswerving commitment to data, and no one was happier than he when he finally found sexuality education programs that did change contraceptive behaviors and the research that allowed him to say that existing abstinence only programs did not.  I had wanted him to say so earlier; he would not. 

We moved from CPO at about the same time, I to New York to be the head of SIECUS, Doug to Aptos, California.  Fortunately, we were often at the same conferences and so continued to have time together.  Doug always made the effort to drive to see me if I was speaking anywhere in California; and we often had meals and shared time together when he was working in New York City.  We explored Cuba and Puerto Rico together.  We shared countless meals where we were the last people at the restaurant as we hungrily caught up on each other's personal and professional lives. 

And we took walks.  Anyone who worked with Doug or was friends with Doug knows the importance of those walks.  Dinners out were less important to Doug, although desserts -- especially chocolate desserts -- were very important.  My husband and I were once with Doug and his dear wife Gail in Puerto Rico and we had spent the day hiking in a rain forest.  We all wanted pina coladas at the beach; Doug had us stop at a Wendy's first so he could have a chocolate milk shake.

Doug introduced me to the Unitarian Universalist church while we were both in Washington.  He encouraged us to come, saying a line I have repeated to so many others, "Try it, but you have to commit to coming twice.  Some weeks aren't as good as others."  He also, as I struggled with my call to ministry, aid to me on one of those beach walks, "Debra, you can start seminary part time.  Just start."  Those two moments changed my life.

Doug was infinitely curious about people and I have been so struck by how many people in the past week have said how close he was to them.  He made people feel special because he was so interested in them.  He always asked questions about people's lives before he turned to the work at hand.  That so many people felt Doug was a close friend surprised me because he never gossipped, he never shared one's confidences.  He was a mensch in the fullest meaning of that word.

Doug's last gift to me was for his 69th birthday.  He told Gail that he wanted to eat chocolate ice cream for this birthday and to send me a generous check for the Religious Institute.  His note to me, that I will forever cherish, said, "We've eaten the ice cream and here is the check."  I cried when I received it; now that card will be his final gift.  We spoke by phone for the last time in early December for a long time:  about our work, about our now grown children, about how excited he was for my daughter's engagement, about his upcoming trip to Ecuador, about our need to make a plan to see each other more in 2013.  I promised I would fly to Washington next time he was there.  We as we did in almost every conversation marveled about the work we are both so privileged to do in the world, and like every conversation we had, said, "I love you" before we hung up.

The world has lost an amazing man.  Gail, Kathryn, and Cameron, have lost their beloved husband and father. 

I read these words this morning by Abraham Joshua Heschel:  "I did not ask for success.  I asked for wonder."  That was Doug.  May you rest in peace, dear friend.  I will hold you in my heart for ever. 

Women's Leadership, Reproductive Justice, and Marriage Equality Make The World Better

I am appalled to learn the National Review ran an article blaming the Newtown tragedy on women's leadership of the Sandy Hook Elementary School.  Mike Huckabee blamed it on abortion.  Westboro Baptist Church blamed it on Connnecticut's legalization of marriage equality.

A deranged young man with an assault weapon caused the Newtown massacre.  Sexual justice had nothing to do with it.

I live and serve a church 15 miles from Newtown, CT.  My heart breaks for the families there, for the teachers, for the children lost, and for the survivors.  This past weekend, at three different church services, I read the names of those murdered.  My heart broke every time I read, "age six" after the name of the victim.  Although all of my congregants were spared directly losing a relative, none of us were untouched.  

I've spent the last thirty five years advancing sexual rights, first as a sexuality educator and now as a religious leader.  I am convinced, as I know you are, that full inclusion of women and LGBTQ people makes the world more just.  Liberty and justice for all is not a slogan; it's an aspiration.

The Religious Institute works every day to assure sexual rights in faith communities and society.  Please join us.  Take a stand against gun violence and for comprehensive mental health services.  Take a stand for women and LGBT people.  Go to www.religiousinstitute.org/donate to support our justice-seeking leadership today. 

Hug Your Children Tightly...and Talk

Another heart stopping school shooting.

This time at an elementary school not far from where I live, work, and worship.  The senseless violence is closer than ever, even in a bucolic Connecticut town.

I've already been asked about how or if to talk to children about it.  I remember too well the day I picked up 6 year old Greg from school on September 11, 2001.  He already knew that something was wrong.  There were teachers and parents crying in the halls.

A lot of parents then wanted to avoid talking to their children about it.  They hoped that their children might not have heard. 

They'll hear about this too.  Even the kindergartners and first graders need to hear from you, their parent or trusted adult, that you are there for them.  They need to know that this type of tragedy is very very rare and that schools are safe.  They need to know that there are procedures to keep children safe in schools and that's why there are things like fire drills and hall monitors and crossing guards.  They need to know that you too feel sad hearing about children who were hurt and killed and that this type of violence should never ever happen.  They need to know your values about guns.  They need to know about all of the adults who came to help: the teachers, the police, and the concerned towns people.

They may need a chance to write or draw or play act their feelings.  You might want to light a memory candle at dinner or look for a community candle light vigil or religious service. Remember to tell your children how much you love them and that you want them to talk with you about their feelings. 

With older children, start by asking what they know.  Listen to their feelings.  Share your feelings and values.  Think about what you can do together, like writing your elected representative about gun control or reaching out through your congregation to families in Newtown.

And pray.  Pray for the families that will never be the same.  Pray for the families that were observers.  Pray for the children who survive.  Pray for the souls of all the victims, including those that caused the violence.  Pray for mental health services for those who need them and laws to ban handguns and assault weapons.  Pray for an end to senseless violence. 

Election 2012: Hope and Love Win!

It was a very long tense election night.  But ultimately, hope and love won. Misogyny, racism, homophobia lost.  The people of the United States voted, and on sexual justice issues, we are the new moral majority.

Sexual justice seeks to uphold the experience and expression of sexuality as life giving and pleasurable, in a social context marked by mutual respect, equality, and accountability.  Sexual justice fosters physical, emotional, and spiritual health and accepts no double standards and applies to all persons.  It encompasses reproductive justice for women and the full inclusion of women and LGBTQ people. 

There are so many ways that sexual justice triumphed on election night.  The future of the Supreme Court was likely decided for generations to come, and it  will I believe continue to support the precedent of Roe v. Wade and ultimately decide that the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional.   Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin were roundly trounced from office, following their inane and disrespectful comments about rape victims.  Eighteen women were elected to the United States Senate, including several remarkable feminist political leaders and the first out lesbian.  Maine and Maryland became the first states where the majority of voters supported marriage equality; Minnesota rejected a ban on same sex marriage; and Washington is likely to support marriage equality as well.  Fifty five percent of the voters resoundingly defeated an anti-abortion measure in Florida. 

These victories did not come easily, and they represent the work of thousands of people of faith across the country.  We know that people of faith came together to work for marriage equality and abortion rights in every state where they were debated.  We know that the values of compassion, full inclusion, equality for all triumphed.  We know that young people, people of color, Latinos, and many Catholics and evangelicals helped bring about these social and sexual justice victories.  We will learn more as the pollsters and analysts do their work in the coming weeks, but I’m convinced that there will be a new understanding of what it means to be a values voter. 

The hymn that is going through my mind this morning is “May Nothing Evil Cross This Door.”  It resonates with my hopes – I hope all of our hopes. despite which candidates you supported yesterday – for the future of the United States and the world:

“With laughter drown the raucous shout, and though these sheltering walls are thin, may they be strong to keep hate out and hold love in.”

And so may it be. 

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

I love everything about voting.  I love standing in line with my neighbors at the local elementary school; I love the PTA bake sale; I love going into the voting booth and pulling the levers; I love wearing the little "I voted today" sticker.

Tomorrow's election is probably the most important election we've had on sexual justice issues in at least three decades.  The party's platforms couldn't be more different on these issues.  Four states are voting on marriage equality.  Several states have policies on abortion access.  The future of the U.S. Supreme Court is likely to be affected.

I have readers from across the political spectrum and across the values spectrum.  Whatever you believe, please go out and vote.  Make sure your neighbors vote.  Make sure your older parents and your adult children vote.  Be an informed voter.  Our future depends on it. 

50 Shades of Grace: Jesus' Sexuality

I wasn’t surprised to read that the Vatican has published a response to the September 18th announcement of a tiny piece of papyrus that includes a dialog where Jesus refers to “my wife.” It is, in their words, a “clumsy forgery.” I only wonder what took them so long.

As you have no doubt read, Dr. Karen King, a professor of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School, released findings last week regarding a newly found original document that offers evidence suggesting Jesus was married. It was front page news and lit up social media, with some claiming that it provides support for women priests and a married Roman Catholic clergy. 

Veracity of the fragment aside, this wasn’t news to those of us who think about sexuality and the church.  More than forty years ago, William E. Phipps wrote a book entitled “The Sexuality of Jesus,” in which he postulated that Jesus would have been betrothed by his parents during his teen years as was the custom for Jewish men based on the mores of the time. With an average age of marriage of 14, Phipps argued, Jesus was in all probability married. By the time we meet Jesus again at age thirty, when the Gospel story introduces him as an adult, he was likely a widower. (Women on average died in the first century at the age of 25, most often in childbirth.)

As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, it’s hard for me to fully understand why a married Jesus causes such dismay. Regardless of one’s beliefs about the humanity and divinity of Jesus, the embodied Jesus would surely have been sexual from birth to death as all humans are. There is nothing in the Gospels that suggests that Jesus was asexual or celibate his entire life—something that would have been so extra-ordinary that surely it would have been mentioned by their authors. Indeed, the ideal of a celibate clergy was not decided until the late seventh century: the Quinisextine Council in 691 was the first to decree that clergy couldn’t marry after ordination, although previously married men could become clergy.

Rather than decrying the idea that Jesus was married (and therefore most likely sexually active with at least one woman), perhaps the discovery of the papyrus fragment will reopen the too-often missing dialog about sexuality in those denominations that would rather wish it away. If sexuality is one of God’s gifts to us, if sexual diversity is part of God’s blessing, if people of all genders are created in God’s image—then surely there is the possibility that Jesus too enjoyed this good gift.

Diverse Multifaith Leaders Support Family Planning -- Of Course

     This summer, I celebrated my 37th year working in sexual and reproductive health and rights.  My very first publication in the field was a 1976 pamphlet for the Population Institute titled, “Does Your Campus Offer Birth Control?”aimed at extending contraceptive services to college students.  In 1971, the U.S. Supreme Court had affirmed family planning for unmarried women, and more and more universities were recognizing that their health services needed to include prescribing contraceptives.  Indeed, during my time at Wesleyan University, I had helped organize the movement to provide gynecological services at this previously all male school.

    I never would have predicted that nearly four decades later that birth control would once again be controversial.  After all, nine in ten heterosexually active women use family planning, nine in ten Americans believe that birth control use is morally acceptable , and three quarters of voters in 2012 agree that “we should do everything we can to make sure that people who want to use prescription birth control have affordable access to it.”
    
    Yet, during the past two years, there have been efforts to pass so called “Personhood Amendments” that would criminalize hormonal methods of birth control, the federal government almost closed down because of an attempt to defund Planned Parenthood, and contraceptive coverage in health care reform is being challenged by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, calling its inclusion an attack on their “religious liberty.” Given these efforts, coupled with increased restrictions on abortion and politicians’ ridiculous statements on how pregnancy does and doesn’t occur, terming this a “war on women” seems all too apt.

    I am proud to tell you that this morning, 38 nationally recognized religious leaders are joining me in affirming safe, affordable, accessible, and comprehensive family planning services.  They include current and past heads of denominations, such the Rev. Geoffrey A. Black (United Church of Christ), the Rev. Wes Granberg-Michaelson (Reformed Church in America), the Rev. Peter Morales (Unitarian Universalist Association), and the Rev. Dr. Sharon E. Watkins (Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)); presidents of seminaries such as Dr. Philip A. Amerson (Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary), the Rev. Dr. Serene Jones (Union Theological Seminary), and The Very Rev. Katherine Ragsdale (Episcopal Divinity School); organizational heads such as Dr. Richard Cizik (the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good), the Rev. Harry Knox (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice), and Jon O'Brien (Catholics for Choice); and nationally recognized theologians such as the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo, the Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, and Dr. Mary Hunt. They have all endorsed the Religious Institute’s new “Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning” [www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp]

    The Open Letter was developed at a Religious Institute colloquium held this spring.  A dozen Christian (mainline, Evangelical, and Roman Catholic), Jewish, and Muslim theologians created the Open Letter in a day of dialog and discussion.  They affirmed that, “in a just world, all people would have equal access to contraception.  The denial of family planning services effectively translates into coercive childbearing is an insult to human dignity.”  They called on hospitals and health services, regardless of religious affiliation, to provide or refer to contraceptive services, and reminded those who would oppose such services, that “no single faith can claim final moral authority in domestic or international discourse.”  They urged religious leaders to “advocate for increased U.S. financial support for domestic and global family planning services”.

    There is nothing new about religious leaders supporting family planning.  In 1929, the Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform Judaism)  and in 1930, the Lambeth Conference of the Anglican Communion  passed the first religious organization policies supporting it.  Today, at least 14 major denominations, including the Church of the Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) (http://religiousinstitute.org/statement/birth-control), the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, [http://www.religiousinstitute.org/statement/human-sexuality-and-sexual-behavior-a-social-statement-of-the-american-lutheran-church-a--1], and the Seventh Day Adventist Church [http://www.religiousinstitute.org/statement/birth-control-a-seventh-day-adventist-statement-of-consensus] have policies supporting contraception.

    As people of faith, we must resist those who would deny individuals the ability to make their own personal decisions about their families and reproductive lives; indeed we must resist the political attempts to make such decisions and such services controversial when they are not.  As the Open Letter states, “contraception allows for a fulfilling sexual life while reducing maternal and infant mortality, unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted diseases.”  Surely as the wide range of endorsers of the Open Letter demonstrates, family planning is common ground.

    If you are a religious leader, please add your name to the list of endorsers by clicking www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp.  Read the Open Letter and view the endorsements there as well.   If you are a member of a faith community, please ask your religious leader to add their name.  Help us spread the word about the new Open Letter on Facebook and Twitter. 

    Let us demonstrate to all who would once again limit contraception that people of faith understand that “contraception saves lives, promotes human flourishing, and advances the common good.”  

Chic-fil-a & Biblical Definition of Marriage

I'm just back from two weeks of vacation where I stayed away from the electronic world and most of the news. 

I did manage to catch Dan Cathy of Chic-fil-a's comments about same sex marriage, the day of protest by anti-LGBT so-called Christians, and the news of the kiss in.  There are no chick-fil-a's in Martha's Vineyard (and no fast food at all, except for one Dairy Queen), otherwise I would have been happy to been there to kiss people while in my clerical collar.

I dislike what is called proof texting, but Cathy is just wrong when he talks about biblical marriage as one man, one woman.  The fact is that marriage has changed dramatically since Biblical times, when polygamy was the norm and women were regarded as property.  Remember that Biblical texts also forbid divorce and require women to be subservient to their husbands as well. 

And of course, Cathy conveniently forgets all of the other statements in the Leviticus Holiness Code that he most likely ignores, including serving milk products with meat or bacon on anything. But more importantly, he seems to have forgotten that the overriding messages of the Scriptures are love, justice, and inclusion.  As our Open Letter on Marriage Letter states, "scripture neither commends a single marriage model nor commands all to marry, but rather calls for love and justice in all relationships." 

My colleague Ken South has compiled this list of what the Hebrew Bible says about marriages and has given me permission to reprint it here.  I somehow doubt that it is what Cathy has in mind.

ives, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail of Carmel, Nabal's widow.

1 Samuel 30:5 David's two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

1 Samuel 30:18 David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken; and David rescued his two wives.

2 Samuel 2:2 So David went up there, and his two wives also, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

2 Samuel 5:13 And David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron; and more sons and daughters were born to David.

2 Samuel 19:5 Then Joab came into the house to the king, and said, "You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life, and the lives of your sons and your daughters, and the lives of your wives and your concubines,

1 Kings 11:3 He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.

1 Kings 11:4 For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.

1 Kings 11:8 And so he did for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and sacrificed to their gods.

1 Kings 20:3 'Your silver and your gold are mine; your fairest wives and children also are mine.'"

1 Kings 20:7 Then the king of Israel called all the elders of the land, and said, "Mark, now, and see how this man is seeking trouble; for he sent to me for my wives and my children, and for my silver and my gold, and I did not refuse him."

2 Kings 24:15 And he carried away Jehoiachin to Babylon; the king's mother, the king's wives, his officials, and the chief men of the land, he took into captivity from Jerusalem to Babylon.

1 Chronicles 4:5 Ashhur, the father of Tekoa, had two wives, Helah and Naarah;

1 Chronicles 8:8 And Shaharaim had sons in the country of Moab after he had sent away Hushim and Baara his wives.

1 Chronicles 14:3 And David took more wives in Jerusalem, and David begot more sons and daughters.

2 Chronicles 11:21 Rehoboam loved Maacah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and concubines (he took eighteen wives and sixty concubines, and had twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters);

2 Chronicles 13:21 But Abijah grew mighty. And he took fourteen wives, and had twenty-two sons and sixteen daughters.

2 Chronicles 21:17 and they came up against Judah, and invaded it, and carried away all the possessions they found that belonged to the king's house, and also his sons and his wives, so that no son was left to him except Jehoahaz, his youngest son.

2 Chronicles 24:3 Jehoiada got for him two wives, and he had sons and daughters.,

Daniel 5:2 Belshazzar, when he tasted the wine, commanded that the vessels of gold and of silver which Nebuchadnezzar his father had taken out of the temple in Jerusalem be brought, that the king and his lords, his wives, and his concubines might drink from them.

Daniel 5:3 Then they brought in the golden and silver vessels which had been taken out of the temple, the house of God in Jerusalem; and the king and his lords, his wives, and his concubines drank from them..

LGBT Full Inclusion & Contraception: Not Controversial

When I tell people what I do for a living, some times people respond by saying, "Wow, you work on the most controversial issues of our time."  People use phrases like "hot button issues" and "wedge issues" to describe the movements for full inclusion of LGBT people, marriage equality, and recently, contraceptive coverage.

Except that the reality is that they are not.  At last week's London Summit on Family Planning, sponsored by the Gates Foundation and the British Government, donor governments and foundations promised to provide an additional $4.6 million so that an additional 120 million women can receive family planning services.  The vast majority of people in the U.S., including women of all faiths, use and support contraception.  The trumped up Fortnight to Freedom campaign by the U.S. Catholic Bishops tried to make contraception a controversial public policy issue failed to garner much public attention, especially as compared to the U.S. Nuns on the Bus campaign against draconian budget cuts.

The American public is also increasingly in favor of LGBT rights.  Recent polls show that the majority of Americans now support marriage rights, and more than three quarters support legislation protecting lesbian and gay people from employment discrimination.  It is indeed shameful that the Boy Scouts of America just reaffirmed its position against openly gay Boy Scouts or Boy Scout leaders, at a time when the vast majority of young people the ages of those engaged in those programs support gay rights.  There simply is no justification for discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity -- and Americans agree. 

We need to actively resist those who would marginalize issues of sexual justice by labeling them as "too hot to handle."  One can only hope that the platform committees of both parties are listening. 

World Reproductive Justice Day

July 11 is World Population Day.,

July 11, 2012 is the historic Family Planning Summit in London, England.  Sponsored by The Gates Foundation, its goal is to develop and commit to new strategies to provide 110 million women around the world with contraceptive services they currently do not have.  It is estimated that 222 million women, mostly in the developing world, lack access to birth control.

I agree with my colleagues at Population Action International that family planning is essential but not enough.  These 222 million women need access to a broad array of sexual and reproductive health services, including safe and legal abortion.  We need to be advocating for reproductive justice writ large not population control, an argument that I thought we had won in 1994 in Cairo at the ICPD conference.

Nevertheless, there are strong religious foundations for affirming safe, affordable, accessible and comprehensive family planning services.  Access to contraception allows for a fulfilling sexual life while reducing maternal and infant mortality, unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted infections.  Every individual adult, no matter where they live, is a moral agent with the right and responsibility to make their own decisions about procreation, including family size and the spacing of their children.

There can be no question that in a just world, all people would have equal access to contraception.  We stand with and pray for those in London today to affirm reproductive justice for all.