Celebrating Women Over 40

The cover of the new More magazine features Jane Fonda at 70, Sharon Stone at 50, and Tea Leoni at 42 looking strong, beautiful, and sexy.

When I saw it, I thought that a cover of the three women dominating the upcoming election would have made the same point. Cindy, 54, Michelle, 44, and Sarah, 44.

This election is changing the way the public looks at women over 40. These women are eloquent, forceful, independent, accomplished, beautiful, and dare I say it - sexy. They are all women who balance motherhood and careers. They say to America and the world, women over 40 still have "it."

We've known all of them since high school. Cindy, the beautiful homecoming princess who every boy wanted to go out with but stayed home alot because they were afraid to ask. Sarah, the cheerleader who was great for gossip but you knew you had to watch your back. Michelle, the student government president. (Me -- I was the co-editor in chief of the yearbook and voted class flirt.)

They are in a way new role models for today's girls and young women. Actually, maybe for adult women as well. Now, if we could just have their hair, make up, and clothing allowances.

Why Doesn't Compassion Include Women and GLBT Persons?

The Religious Institute's newsletter goes out tomorrow morning. I've just finished my editorial and wanted to share part of it with my blog readers. Our monthly e-newsletter is free; if you aren't receiving it and would like to, send an email to info@religiousinstitute.org and we will add you to the list.

Here's what I said:

I keep hearing Eve Ensler exhorting all of us there to “be braver, be bolder” to stop violence against women.

I couldn’t help but think of those words as I watched the so-called “Compassion Forum” sponsored by Faith in Public Life on CNN this past Sunday night. Although I support and indeed applaud Faith in Public Life for holding this discussion of faith and politics, compassion toward women and sexual minorities was largely missing. The discussed 'compassion issues" are intimately connected with racism, sexism, and homophobia.

One cannot adequately address poverty, health care, and the economic justice without acknowledging women's needs for reproductive health services. It is poor women who suffer most when contraception, emergency contraception, and abortion services are not readily available, both in the United States and around the world. Similarly, it is poor same-sex couples who are most affected by laws prohibiting the benefits of civil unions and marriage, and poor transgender persons who have no access to medical treatment. Yet, rather than asking the candidates about how they would reduce unplanned pregnancies, sexual exploitation, violence against women, discrimination against LGBT persons, and so on, the moderators asked about their favorite Bible stories and whether they think life begins at conception.

Senator Clinton apparently “forgot” that she has sponsored legislation on sex education and family planning services, never using those words at all; instead she repeated “abstinence” and “adoption” as how she would make abortions “rare.” Remarkably, only one woman religious leader was called on to ask a question; indeed, the majority of the religious leaders who had the opportunity to speak were white male Evangelical Christians. How did that happen in 2008? And neither the candidates nor the questioners took the opportunity to talk about compassion for the struggles of LGBT persons, even while the debate took place at Messiah College, a college that on its web site promotes such anti-gay organizations as Exodus, Homosexuals Anonymous, and the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality."

On April 7th, the Religious Institute sponsored an all-day colloquium for progressive religious leaders and leaders of sexual and reproductive health organizations to discuss how together we can raise a progressive voice on sexual justice during the coming election season. More than 30 leaders agreed that we must do more to assure that reproductive justice and justice for LGBT persons are not buried under calls for common ground. We count on their organizations speaking out each and every time these issues are ignored or dismissed. I hope and pray that you, too, will speak out for sexual justice in your faith community, in your state, and in national debates in the coming months. Together, we must amplify the voices of people of faith who support women’s moral agency, who support sexuality education and sexual and reproductive health services, who support full inclusion and marriage equality, and bring them into the public square.

To quote Eve Ensler, we must all be braver and bolder.

Yes, Balance is Possible

The Sunday New York Times business section had a piece this week that started, "Is it possible to live a balanced life, devoting enough time to both family and career?" They quote this article in a March Women's Day magazine, answering the question, "Not a chance."

It seems like every so often the national press puts out this type of story that essentially says that feminism sold women a myth that they could have it all. Perhaps I am over-sensitive to these warnings to the next generation of women as the mother of a 22-year-old who is just starting out on her own. Or perhaps it is because I feel blessed by both my now three decades long career and my two wonderful children. And although of course there are days when I feel off balance or torn between competing priorities, overall, my life is not only balanced but happy and deeply satisfying.

And when I think about the women I know and love most of us feel that way as well. Yes, of course, we make choices. I've never run a really large organization, I haven't run for public office. Don't get my children started on my lack of cooking skills and I don't know where our iron or vacuum cleaner even are. But, my husband and I just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary, and we sit down almost every night for family dinner, say grace, and share our very varied days.

I can give a reporter dozens of names of women who lead balanced lives. Anybody want to write an article on us?

New Orleans in April

I don't often promote events on my blog, but I've just bought my tickets to the special weekend being created by Eve Ensler and the V Day project in New Orleans April 11 & 12th , and I wanted to make sure my readers know about it.

Here's a blurb from their web site:

April 11-12, 2008 Join Salma Hayek, Oprah Winfrey, Jane Fonda, Jennifer Hudson, Glenn Close, Julia Stiles, Ashley Judd, Marisa Tomei, Calpernia Addams, Rosario Dawson, Kerry Washington, Ellen DeGeneres, and musicians Joss Stone, Common, Eve, and Charmaine Neville on Friday and Saturday, April 11 – 12, 2008 for V-Day’s mega two-day anniversary celebration in New Orleans at the New Orleans Arena and Louisiana Superdome - V TO THE TENTH.

Eve Ensler told me in December that they were holding the event at the Superdome to reclaim it as a safe and healing place for women -- and to make it for those two days the "Super Womb."

There will be healing services, workshops, poetry readings, a new play written and performed by women from New Orleans, and a celebrity performance of "The Vagina Monologues."

If you have never seen "The Vagina Monologues" this is your chance. If you have, you already know why you would want to see it performed by these amazing performers. More than any other artistic endeavor I can't think of, this play launched an international movement of women claiming the power of their bodies and their lives and fighting back against violence and abuse.

To this minister sexologist, it is a powerfully spiritual play. It celebrates God's gift of our bodies and our diverse sexualities in a most powerful way.

I can't think of any place I'd rather be that weekend. I hope you'll join us.

Reflections from Istanbul

I got back from Istanbul last night.

The world feels like a smaller place for me than it did a week ago. The conference participants included women from Iraq, Iran, Nigeria, Pakistan, Turkey, Georgia, Palestine, Israel, Mexico, Nicaraqua, Hong Kong, the Phillipines, Egypt, India, Thailand, China and the Sudan. We ranged in age from 22 to 70, stunning in our diversity yet united in our work for women's rights and against religious fundamentalism.

We were there to discuss a forthcoming study of women's rights activists from around the world, and the particular results of that study are still embargoed. But what I can share is that in every part of the world, religious fundamentalists concentrate on the control of women's sexualities as core issues for organizing. Young women are particularly at risk -- from abstinence-only-until-marriage campaigns to laws against abortion to honor killings.

I am so moved by the bravery of these women. I met an Irani woman who has been exiled to the U.S. because of her writing on women's rights; a Nicaraguan woman who spent 4 years in jail because of her work and is facing another trial because of her support for legalized abortion; women who reported great risks when they returned to their countries just to attend this joint meeting. I learned that stoning is now legal as a punishment for sex outside of marriage in the Sudan, Afghanistan, Iran, Nigeria, Pakistan, and the UAE. (Yesterday, some of these women launched a new international campaign, called Stop Stoning and Killing Women, at a conference in Istanbul. I urge you to learn more about this horrific and now condoned practice.)

I learned that more than one in ten women activists from around the world have faced sexual abuse or imprisonment because of their activism. It made the blog comment I received this morning calling me a "satanic deviant minister from hell...who should go to jail" seem completely insignificant.

I wish you could hear the stories...but also feel the resilience, the good humor, and the commitment of these women to make the world a safer, more just place for women. We talked and talked and talked...and shared meals...and even danced a bit.

I was honored to be there and renewed and recharged -- I am reminded by a quote from Goethe, that goes something like this:

"The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and who though distant, is close to us in spirit -- this makes the world for us an inhabited garden."

To my new friends and colleagues from around the world -- may justice soon roll down like mighty waters. May you truly be blessed and safe.

Cooking, Cleaning, Sewing, and Godliness

Now, I took home ec in junior high school. I learned to boil water, make brownies, set a table correctly, and for three years in a row, I sewed a skirt that was unwearable. By the third year, my mother would only buy the fabric at a 5 and 10 because she knew I wouldn't wear my creation. Boys took "shop" while we learned to trace patterns and use an iron.

Now, both of my children went to that very same junior high school (now reconfigured as a middle school) and they both took woodworking and a cooking class. It seemed like progress to me, and Alyssa's towel rack from 10 years ago is still in use in our kitchen.

It turns out that the Southern Baptist Association has decided to reinvigorate the tradition by offering a homemaking major for women ONLY at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Here's the description taken directly from their web site:

Bachelor of Arts in Humanities with a concentration in homemaking. The College at Southwestern endeavors to prepare women to model the characteristics of the godly woman as outlined in Scripture. This is accomplished through instruction in homemaking skills, developing insights into home and family while continuing to equip women to understand and engage the culture of today. The BA in Humanities with a concentration in homemaking provides a solid foundation for life. The woman who completes this degree and concentration will be:

Prepared spiritually – Through significant study of Scripture and theology, each woman will be prepared to be an evangelist and apologist focused upon reaching women, children and families for Christ.

Challenged intellectually – Intensive instruction in the history of Western ideas will challenge each woman to be familiar with the influential people of our past and to give a response from a biblical worldview.

Equipped practically–With four areas of focus, the homemaking concentration student will be equipped

To nurture and care for the family.

In the area of nutrition and food preparation.

By developing a skill in clothing and textile design.

Through practical experiences for skill development for the most important job a woman may have: the nurture and care of the family.

Unfortunately what she won't be prepared for is EMPLOYMENT outside of the home...nor will her male partner be allowed to take classes so that he learns any of the above. The spokesperson for the seminary on the Today Show this morning said that part of the reason for the program is to reduce the number of divorces among Southern Baptists.

It is true that the Bible belt has the highest percentages of divorces; it's here in the liberal Northeast that it's the lowest. Like the teenage abstinence pledging programs created by the Southern Baptists, I'm guessing that this one isn't going to achieve its goal either. But it is going to leave a lot of women unprepared for the day that their husbands leave them, come out, or die.

Surely Godly women need to be better prepared for the 21st century.

Remember?

I received an email from Our Bodies Ourselves that they have downloaded the original OBOS from 1969 onto their web site.

That's the cover to the right.

I'm wondering if I have a copy in the attic. I first picked up OBOS at a women's health conference in 1972, and it was indeed my 18 year old introduction into a new way of thinking about my body and my sexuality. It is one of the few books that I can honestly say changed my life.

I was very proud when I was asked to contribute a small piece to the 2007 edition on religion and sexuality, and even prouder when my daughter was selected as one of their summer interns last year. It was indeed a feminist mother's dream.

Looking through the online copy brought me back to my teenage self and memories of the joys of discovery. Take a look. To my age mate readers, I'd love to post your memories of OBOS. To my younger facebook readers, what books have helped you understand your sexuality?