Is Nicaragua an omen for South Dakota?

The male dominated Nicaragua government voted unaninimously to ban all abortions yesterday. That's right -- ALL. No exceptions for rape and incest, no exceptions for the woman's health and life.

Remarkably, this law doesn't change much for the women in that country. This past year, under the existing law, only six women were allowed to have a legal abortion.

But, 32,000 desperate women sought illegal abortions last year. If caught, they and their doctors would have faced jail terms.

Making abortion illegal doesn't stop abortions; it just stops women from having access to safe procedures.

Women's lives and reproductive health are a political pawn in Nicaragua and other countries around the world.

But it's not just somewhere else. The voters in South Dakota will decide on November 7th if abortion will remain legal in the state. The Mississippi legislature is poised to pass such a ban as well.

The immorality of coercing women to carrying pregnancies to term or forcing women to seek dangerous procedures on their own stuns me. My heart aches for them.

New Jersey's ruling

As you no doubt know, the New Jersey Supreme Court handed down a unanimous decision yesterday that said that the state constitution demands full equal rights for same sex couples. They also gave the State Legislature 180 days to figure out what that means, including whether to call those rights marriage or a civil union.

Now, I confess that I have not read the 90 page opinion yet, but my initial response is to celebrate their understanding and commitment to equal rights, while wishing that the would have affirmed this as "marriage." I simply don't get what it means when people say yes to civil unions but fervently believe that the word marriage should only belong to heterosexual couples. It's not as if we always do a good job of honoring it.

I increasingly though am of the mind that we should move to the European system. The state should perform civil unions for couples -- both same sex and other sex. Religious bodies should perform marriages -- and each religious body should determine for itself their criteria for who should be eligible for sacred ceremonies.

I always feel like a bit of a fraud when I sign a marriage license. The state asks me to perform no other state function as a member of the ordained clergy, and I don't need their permission to bury someone or name a baby. In Europe, as I understand, clergy don't sign the licenses; the state official does.

But, for now, let's celebrate one more step to recognizing relational justice for all.

My day in NY

I spent Monday at Greenstone Radio taping four shows with Lisa Birnbach and Jane Fonda. They will be airing on a regular basis this month, and we will be taping additional ones. It was great fun, and I think we also got out some important information. I'm looking forward to taping more shows with them on faith issues. I also taped a WNBC Today in New York segment that will air tomorrow morning, for those of you in the New York area who watch tv before 7 am.

Today at 3 p.m. the New Jersey Supreme Court will hand down its decision on marriage equality. Take a moment with me to pray for a just outcome. I'll be back tomorrow to talk about the decision.

Blessings on your day!

I love my ministry. I spent Saturday morning at my home congregation in a strategic plan meeting and on Sunday I preached at the Unitarian church in New London, CT. I had the privilege of sharing worship with my good friend and colleague Rev. Carolyn Patierno.

Today, I will be taping a segment for Today in New York, the early morning news program on NBC in the NY metropolitan area, and then I am off to Greenstone radio to tape a live segment with Lisa Birnback and Jane Fonda. You can listen to it streaming at 11:30 am EST at

http://greenstonemedia.net/GSMPHP/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=29&Itemid=44

We are also going to tape three other shows that will air in coming weeks.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I will be at the Fifth Fosdick Convocation. It's described this way, "once every decade, America's great preachers come to the nation's Protestant's cathedral to call progressive Christians to action." I am very honored to have been chosen as one of the 35 workshop leaders at this convocation, and I am looking forward to being inspired by great preaching by prophetic leaders.

I'll let you know how all of this goes when I'm back blogging on Thursday.

I hope that you too feel as blessed by your work in the world. I know how grateful I am for these opportunities.

Yes, it's Sex

The Yahoo news headline said "priest denies having sex with Foley."

It's important for me to say up front that it is irrelevant to Mark Foley's actions that he was abused by a priest as a child. That presumably happened when he was 13; the actions we know he committed were in his forties and fifties. That's a lot of time for therapy. Yes, there is a higher proportion of histories of abuse among those who abuse others, but most people who are abused as children or teenagers never hurt anyone else. It seems callous and disingenuous that Mark Foley is accusing his priest NOW, when there have been many moments to have come forward before.

But, what was done to him was also wrong, and yes, it sounds like sexual abuse to me. The priest in a taped radio interview admits that he was naked with young Foley, skinny dipped with Foley, massaged a nude Foley, slept nude in a room with Foley, and that perhaps there was one incident when he was on tranquilizers that he's not sure what happened. In an interview you can read on CNN, he said "we were just fondling" and we "were friends." I would be in a police station pressing charges if I found out my 13 year old son had this type of adult friend...you?

That the news media is debating whether this was "sex" shows just how confused we are about sexuality as a country. You may remember our national teachable moment, where 20% of the country agreed with President Clinton that oral sex wasn't really sex. It is.

We need to move from an act-based sexual ethic to one based on relationships. It doesn't matter whether Part A goes into Part B for sexual abuse to occur or for sex to have occurred between consenting partners. Two people sharing erotic acts are "having sex", and when one of them is an adult and the other a teen or a child -- that's wrong.

More on Faith in Public Life

I had one of those "NPR driveway moments" yesterday as I came home from a long two days of meetings and presentations in New York City. The story was called "Republicans Zig: Will Christian Conservatives Zag?" and it was about how some chapters of the Christian Coalition are leaving the national organization because it has become too concerned with issues like the environment, poverty and sex trafficking rather than only concentrating on abortion and same sex marriage. One of the men they interviewed said that the key family issue facing Ohio voters was banning same sex marriage.

Could anyone really believe that? With millions of children in the United States going to bed hungry, with millions of children living in the foster care system, with half of marriages ending in divorce, with increasing violence against women, and girls, with failing school systems and millions of uninsured families (you get the point) - the number one family issue is stopping the committed gay or lesbian couple down the street from getting married?? No wonder the Christian Coalition is worried about losing members and voters.

But the story also raised the issue of people voting for leaders who articulate their faith. This came up in the panel I moderated on Tuesday night at the 92nd Street Y with Dr. Marty Klein, Joan Bertin, and Rev. Barry Lynn. Bertin and Klein argued that our elected officials' faith has no place in their policy making role.

I couldn't disagree more. Our faith informs our values, our attitudes, and our own decision-making. It surely should not be the only factor in deciding how one feels and votes, either as an elected official or as a member of the electorate, but there is no question that my commitment to not only sexual justice but the common good is at least partially based in my own beliefs and faith commitments. There is a role for both faith and science in public life and public policy decisions, and we would be better off if people on all sides of the ideological spectrum began to accept that.

300,000,000

My first job after college was as the Resource Coordinator for the Population Institute. We're both still working hard to assure reproductive health and justice thirty years later.

The very first thing I professionally published was a fact sheet for P.I. called, "Population Synthesis 1976."

I pulled it out this morning when I heard that the U.S. Census Clock passed 300 million this morning at 7:46 am.

This is what I wrote in 1976:

"There are currently more than 215 million people living in the U.S., ten million more than in 1970. At current rates, there may be 262 million of us at the turn of the century -- and that does not include illegal immigrants. It could be argued that the U.S. presents the greatest population problem in the world...although Americans are only 5% of the world's population, we consume over one third of the earth's non-renewable resources and energy...some population experts believe that the average infant born in the U.S. today will impose as much as fifty times as great a burden on the world's environment and resources during its lifetime as the average infant born in India."

We don't hear much about the population problem today, do we? But surely it is still true that we live heavier on the earth than perhaps any other people in the world.

So as we celebrate this 300,000,000 milestone -- and send wishes to the babies born today -- may we remember that God calls us to good stewardship of the earth, and that we must continue to be mindful of the environment and over-consumption.

Freedom of Religion?

Well, the Associated Press may recognize legal gay marriages (see my post from the weekend) -- as did the New York Times in the obituary on Congressman Studds that ran on Sunday -- but it seems that nominees to the federal bench may not be able to.

Rev. Chuck Currie reports on his blog that the nomination of Janet T. Neff to the federal bench has been put on hold because she participated in a legal marriage ceremony in Massachussetts of a same sex couple. Not only was it a legal ceremony, it was also a religious ceremony presided over by a United Church of Christ minister.

It just wasn't the type of ceremony approved of by leading organizations on the religious right, and so Judge Neff's nomination is being held up. Maybe they need a civics lesson reminding them that we live in a pluralistic society and they don't get to make the rules for all religions and all states.

I'm moderating a panel on Tuesday at the 92nd Street Y in New York City called "America's War on Sex." It certainly seems so some days.

Indicator of Change

I just read this online story, and even though I don't usually blog on Saturdays, I had to share this. This is from a nationally syndicated AP story (appearing in papers throughout the country), and in its own way, indicates that we area moving to full -- okay, fuller -- inclusion.

First Openly Gay U.S. Congressman DiesBy JAY LINDSAY, AP BOSTON (Oct. 14) - Former U.S. Rep. Gerry Studds, the first openly gay person elected to Congress, died early Saturday at Boston Medical Center, several days after he collapsed while walking his dog, his husband said.

Rest in peace.

A Moment of Reflection

It is a beautiful fall morning here in Connecticut. The trees outside my window are all in various shades of change.

So are we.

It has been a long hard week in the world. I am tired of the constant negative election ads on radio and television. I have spent a lot of the week thinking about Foley and child sexual abuse, the war, and North Korea.

Yesterday, I read this passage from UU minister William Ellery Channing written in 1928 --

"To honor God is not to tremble before him, it is to become what we praise, to feel the divine principle within us, the very spirit of God."

Morality, including sexual morality, is all about the very way we treat each other. May we all become what we praise.

Breakthrough?

I blogged last week about how frustrating it was that the print and electronic media was not covering mainstream and progressive religious voices on the Foley scandal.

So I am happy to report to you that I'm quoted in today's USA Today in an article by Kathy Kiely on page 4 A, disavowing the link between homosexuality and child sexual abuse. You can read it yourself at http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2006-10-11-gop-gay-identity-crisis_x.htm

You can read our press release prepared by Geoffrey Knox and Associates at the web site of the Religious Institute. Stay tuned, I hope, for more.

A higher moral ethic

Today's Washington Post features a terrific editorial titled "Values Choice for the GOP" by Eugene Robinson http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/09/AR2006100901037.html
on how the Foley scandal could be the end to the "phoney trumped up culture war" or a chance for firing and disavowing gay staff members.

There are those on the right that are now expressing their surprise and dismay that there are gay staff members in Congressional offices.

Really --- and in your office, your family, your local doctor's office, every where you look...gay people are among us.

Living healthy, ethical moral lives. Raising children. Working for the public good.

One more time -- it is irrelevant morally that Congressman Foley is gay; the issue is that he solicited male pages. Would this situation have been any different if the salacious IMs were with a 16 year old teenage girl? Would America be more or less outraged? What do you think?

Robinson mentions that Republicans have tried to pain Democrats as "anything goes libertines." I have been accused of having "if it feels good, do it" morality by people on the right my whole career.

If people took the time to look, they would see that the Religious Declaration actually articulates a strong moral ethic that holds people -- all people -- to a high standard based on love, justice, mutuality, consent, nonexploitation, commitment and mutual pleasure.

Ex-congressman Foley must be held accountable, as well as the people who knew about his actions and did nothing. Their being gay had nothing to do with it though.

"America's War on Sex"

My colleague and friend Dr. Marty Klein has a new book out, "America's War on Sex" that outlines how the government, some religious institutions, and organizations on the right are seeking to control our sexual lives. He reprints the Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing to hold up religious leaders who are speaking out for sexual justice.

Dr. Klein has generously agreed to donate the royalties of his book sold to readers of my blog and our newsletter to the Religious Institute if you order it online at www.americaswaronsex.com Simply put in the code RI10.

I did not agree with everything Dr. Klein says in this book (starting with the war imagery of the title), but I found all of it thoughtful and stimulating. I think you will too.

By the way, our October newsletter will be out tomorrow. You can sign up to receive an e-copy at the web site of the Religious Institute. It's full of new resources and upcoming events on the relationship of sexuality and religion. You can also send us an email at info@religiousinstitute.org to subscribe.

One more on Foley

Have you seen a progressive religious leader on television this week talking about Mark Foley?

I have not. But, the Family Research Council's Tony Perkins has been all over the media, falsely connecting child sexual abuse and homosexuality. FRC has a so-called fact sheet on its site on "homosexuality and child sexual abuse" that badly distorts the facts, and somehow the media turns to them as experts.

It's not that we haven't tried. You can read the Religious Institute's press release on Mark Foley at http://www.religiousinstitute.org/press/press0004.html. Rev. John Thomas, the President of the United Church of Christ, issued a statement decrying the religious right's use of this scandal as one more way to try to demonize gay people. A group of mainstream Christian leaders sent a letter to Congress asking that every one in power who knew about Foley's solicitation of pages and did nothing resign.

Isn't it past time for the electronic and print media to include our voices in these discussions?

On the other hand, maybe it's time to let the investigations take place and return to covering the more pressing problems facing America and the world.

Fifth Graders and Art Work

Did you see the story in this morning's news about Sydney McGee, the 28 year veteran art teacher who did not have her contract renewed because she took a fifth grade class to the Dallas Museum of Art? Apparently one child complained to her mother about "having" to view nude statutes and paintings with nude bodies. The Firsco School District is now saying that this was about performance issues not the field trip, but Ms. McGee has a letter she's made available to the press reprimanding her for explosing children to these images.

How deep does our erotophbia as a country go? I wonder if the mother of this child takes her to the grocery story where she can see the covers of women's magazines with their headlines promising better sex in ten days. Or what she does with the Victoria Secret catalogues that surely come in the mail -- or even the lingerie advertisements in the newspapers? Or what about allowing her in churches with religious art with nude bodies? Is the David now an erotic image to shield our children from?

Yes, today's children are exposed to thousands of sexualized messages, and most of us wish we could shield them. But from Greek statutes and religious paintings? And surely by the fifth grade, our children should have a solid understanding of their bodies and the gift that they are.

It may very well be that there is more to this story that we know at this moment. But it surely does offer yet another teachable moment to use with our children -- and our congregants.

Foley Part 3

As this story unfolds (see the latest in the Washington Post at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/03/AR2006100300704.html ), I cannot help but shake but my head about the ignorance it shows about sexuality issues and their coverage. Added to the alcohol excuse, we are now being told that Representative Foley had been sexually abused as a teen by a clergy person. Is that supposed to help us understand lurid emails soliciting teenage pages? Yes, such sexual abuse is soul scarring, if it did happen, but it doesn't explain away or excuse abuse of another generation.

Have you heard any progressive religious leaders in the media talking about the Foley "situation"? But, there was Tony Perkins the head of the Family Research Council on CNN saying that the reason that members of Congress didn't act was "because they would be seen as homophobic or gay bashing." Apparently Newt Gingrich has been saying the same thing.

This IS NOT a story about Congressman Foley's homosexuality. For the record, an attraction to 16 and 17 year olds isn't pedophilia either. In fact, given how teenagers of both genders are held up as the sexual ideal in our culture, it's probably very common. That doesn't mean that adults can morally act upon it.

It is a story of sexual harassment and the abuse of power. As I said yesterday, it is also an abuse of power that the leadership didn't take immediate action to stop it. I wonder if the public would have felt differently if a sixteen year old female page was getting these types of emails from a Congressperson; I would not have.

I have written before about the criteria for a moral ethical sexual relationship -- consent, nonexploitation, honesty, mutual pleasure, and protection. I've also written before that a sexually healthy and moral adult understands that there is a difference between having a sexual feeling and acting upon it -- including emailing about it to someone who by definition is not in a position to consent or not be exploited.

I joined three other progressive faith leaders to in responding to this story on Faith in Public Life. You can listen to the audio at http://blog.faithinpubliclife.org/2006/10/faith_common_sense_and_protect.html

Ivy League Protects Rights of Transgender Persons

I have a lot of ties to Yale. I attended the Yale School of Public Health in the late seventies and I met my spouse there. When I began to explore my call to ministry, I was granted a research fellowship there. Last semester, I was a visiting professor there.

So, I felt very proud to read this morning that the Yale Corporation had voted to add an anti-discrimination clause against gender identity and expression into its by-laws. Since 2002, every Ivy League School has done so; so have at least 75 other collleges. There is a list of schools banning gender discrimination at www.gpac.org/genius

In all of my sexuality work, I find people least understanding of people who express gender variance in their identity or public expression. Only the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ have ordained openly transgendered people to the clergy, although other denominations have had clergy who have transitioned.

We are a long way to full inclusion of transgendered people in church -- or in society. Let's pray that the Ivy's will lead the way.

More on Foley

Since I wrote on Friday, we have learned that these charges against Mark Foley began OVER A YEAR ago, and that the House leadership knew about them and did nothing. NOTHING.

I can't help but thinking that this is a very close parallel to what happened with the Catholic priests who were abusing children and the Bishops who moved them to other parishes rather than remove them from office.

This is the same Republican leadership who tout abstinence-only-until-marriage education, pass laws restricting access to abortion for young people, try to restrict access to the Internet -- but did nothing when they learned of one of their own soliciting teenagers literally in their own house.

Someone commented on my blog that the age of consent in DC is 16, and therefore the page might not have been a minor. But Representative Foley isn't a teenager -- he is an adult man with power over these pages. His actions, whether or not they turn out to be illegal, were immoral. They violate the very concept of consent and non-exploitation.

Surely the House leadership should have taken action long before ABC did.

Mark Foley's Resignation

I am just back from a long day at a meeting discussing abstinence-only education at the Harvard Law School, and just logged on to read emails when I read the story about Rep. Mark Foley's resignation for sending sexually explicit emails to a 16 year old Congressional page. I actually felt kinda sick reading the emails (which are posted at ABC's website if you want to read them yourself.)

How terribly sad for everyone concerned, and how ironic that Rep. Foley has been the chair of the caucus on missing and exploited children. I wrote back in June how misguided this bill was in concentrating on registries for treated sex offenders to keep children safe from abuse.

Because the facts are again that abuse of children is perpetuated by people children and teens know and often know well. Ninety percent of the time. Just like Rep. Foley knew this young man, had his email address, and was from the content of the emails, starting to groom him for a sexual relationship.

This young man knew to tell. But not all young people do. That's where prevention has to come in.

But the other sad part of this story is I have to wonder would this story have been different if Rep. Foley had been able to publicly acknowledge that he was a gay (Republican!) man and could have lived openly among his colleagues. Might that have meant that he could have made life affirming sexual decisions with other adults rather soliciting minors on emails? Of course, that is speculation, but I have to wonder how being in the closet affected him.

Scripture reminds us to not cast the first stone. For tonight, my prayers go out to both the Foley family and the yet unnamed young man. For tomorrow, I hope that the media will use this story as a teachable moment to talk to young people about sexual abuse. If they don't, I hope you will.

Sex Education at Church

Our eighth grade son started attending the "Our Whole Lives" sexuality education program at our church this past Sunday. This comprehensive program will run for the next twenty eight weeks. It was jointly developed by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ, and it provides honest, accurate, and age-appropriate information on sexuality subjects, including abstinence, decision-making about sexuality, contraception, sexual orientation, STD prevention, and masturbation.

People often ask me why my children need a sexuality education program. After all, they ask, don't you provide them will all the information they need? Actually, Greg asked the same thing. But, the reality is that we can't provide him with an opportunity to talk with his peers about these issues under the guidance of a trained adult and there are no doubt areas he would rather discuss with someone besides his mom. Our school system does NOT have a sex education program; thank goodness, our church does.

Now I am a bit biased about the OWL program, as I was an early advisor on its development and one of the pilot testers. But, as a parent, I am also thrilled that my church is sharing responsiblity for educating my child about these important issues, and that he, and the 23 other students, are learning early that sexuality and religion do go together.

Contrast that with the call I got this week from my daughter who is a college senior. She had just come from a lecture by some peer educators on abstinence where the slogan used was "Have you ever had an orgasm to die for?" She was furious -- "Mom, these are scare tactics. They don't help, they just deny people the information they need to make sure that sex can be safe." These aren't school mandated or government abstinence-only programs; these are student-led efforts. It's puzzling to me that abstinence-only groups are spreading on college campuses, and one can only hope as I told my daughter that other groups are making sure that comprehensive health education is available.

The folks at the UUA are now working on a young adult OWL curriculum. It can't come out soon enough. I'd hate to think my eighth grader is better prepared to make healthy sexual decisions than some 20 year olds on campus.

***

I am off to meetings at Harvard today on abstinence-only education, and I will take Monday off to observe Yom Kippour. "See you" on Tuesday.

Another Religious Leader Weighs In

My post from Monday has engendered lively discussion among some of my progressive colleagues who are religious leaders. Here's a note from the Rev. Meg Riley who is the Director of Justice Ministries for the Unitarian Universalist Association.

Dear Deb, I think it's a complex discussion. I stand unequivocably for full glbt equality, including marriage equality, and for women's reproductive choice including choosing abortion. I work with many groups, both within the UUA and in interfaith coalitions, that agree with me about those.

But I also work on issues such as Darfur, economic justice, racial justice, peace, religious liberty, the environment, and the death penalty, with a number of groups who disagree about sexual justice issues. As Bernice Johnson Reagan wrote in an essay in coalition building, "Coalition work is done in the streets. You do not go to a coalition seeking mothers' milk..."

While I'm privileged to work for a religious group (UUA) which supports my own convictions on most issues, I work in many justice arenas to find the broadest group possible which shares my view. I never pretend to be anyone but myself--an open lesbian partner/ mom / UU minister. I don't feel that I am backing away from sexual justice issues by focussing elsewhere; I think there are other issues which demand commitment and attention. Over the years, in coalitions, I have watched a number of areas of disagreement--notably about the Middle East, abortion, and gay rights, take down too many good efforts. I think it is key to leave room for disagreement on some issues while moving forward on others.

This doesn't mean that I need to say "All points are equally valid." I have moral convictions. But I do need the discipline to say, "The nature of coalition work is that we are here because we agree about X and want to be strategic and effective in taking action about X" and let go of Y, Z, and A B C. Where I think any group hits morally troubled waters is when it purports to have 'the answers A-Z' to the religious right. Complexity isn't popular these days, but I have to hold on to my conviction that any adult, regardless of public declarations of a simplistic manner, understands that it is descriptive of the essence of life. All the best, and thanks for your provocative questions.

Of course, I agree with Meg that there are times we need to put aside our own issues to work in coalition on pressing human concerns. When I attend meetings on hunger or Iraq or poverty and so on, I don't enter those rooms carrying any agenda but the one that I am there for. But, what I don't do is turn away from or put down other people's commitments either. I understand that not every mainstream or progressive religious leader will embrace sexual justice issues -- but when some of my colleagues deliberately marginalize them or worse speak out against women's moral agency and the full inclusion of GLBT people, I am called to speak out.

National Religious Leaders Respond

I did not mean to imply yesterday that there were NOT progressive religious leaders who support sexual justice issues. Indeed, the Religious Institute is a network of more than 2600 religious leaders from more than 40 faith traditions that support the Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing.

There are nationally recognized religious leaders who understand and articulate the connection. For example, my friend and colleague Rev. Barry Lynn who heads Americans United has an excellent new book out called Piety and Politics which demonstrates how attacks on sex education, gay rights, and women's moral agency are of a single piece with attacks on the separation of church and state, the teaching of evolution, the posting of religious symbols in public places, public prayer, and so on. He urges readers to say no to theocracy, and in one of my favorite passages, he writes:

"The goals of Christ and the goals of the Religious Right seem to have little in common. Christ did not spend his time trying to forge a faith-based government. He did not obsess over the sexual habits of people. Were he here today, I find it inconceivable that Christ would parade in front of abortion clinics screaming at teenage girls or picket a gay man's funeral hoisting a sign with a hateful homophobic message."

Rabbi Michael Lerner from Tikkun sent me this message about yesterday's blog:

Dear Debra, It is certainly true that the Religious Right tries to make the issue of abortion and homosexuality the central issues in American politics. We at the Network of Spiritual Progressives unequivocally oppose any attempts by the state to prohibit reproductive choices for women or to prohibit gays and lesbians from marrying with the same attendant rights gives to heterosexual marriages. Yet at the same time we agree with Jim Wallis in insisting that we not allow the Right to set the terms for politics in the U.S. Our task as spiritual progressives, we believe, is to change the dominant discourse so that it does not persist in its narrow fascination on private sexual and reproductive choices, important as they are, while ignoring these other areas that Jim Wallis mentions (poverty and economic issues in particular). We at the NSP also believe that issues of peace and non-violence, human rights and civil liberties, torture, and addressing the fundamental spiritual crisis in America should be central to the agenda of a progressive movement, and that we should insist on broadening the public discourse away from a narrow focus on abortion and homosexuality.

I agree completely. I wish I could spend more of my time working with clergy and congregations on how to be sexually healthy, how to help people integrate their sexuality and their spirituality, how to help people live sexual lives with holiness and integrity -- and less time responding to the religious rights attacks on people's most personal and private decisions. But, as long as the religious right makes abortion and gay rights central issues in their agenda for America, progressive and mainstream religious leaders must engage these issues as well.

No Compromise on Women's Moral Agency and GLBT Rights

Jerry Falwell told the participants at the right wing summit this weekend that if Hillary Clinton runs for President it would motivate "his" voters more than the devil running himself. He also told them that their primary objection to Senator Clinton was her pro-choice position, in his words, "the cutting edge for social conservatives".

Read the report of his comments yourself at

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/24/AR2006092400335.html

Whether we like it or not, the religious right continues to make sexual justice issues the core of their public policy agenda. Last week, Sojourners launched a new campaign they call the "Red Letter Christians." In their press release they wrote,

The goal of the group is to advance the message that our faith cannot be reduced to only two hot button social issues - abortion and homosexuality. Fighting poverty, caring for the environment, advancing peace, promoting strong families, and supporting a consistent ethic of life are all critical moral and biblical values.

And indeed they are. But the Sojourner's campaign is not just about trying to focus moral attention on these pressing human needs. Rev. Jim Wallis, Sojourners' President, has said publicly that he is against abortion and marriage equality. He is not alone in the progressive religious movement in trying to distance himself from sexual justice issues.

I don't often agree with Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, but I did when he told Rev. Wallis on CBS "People are going to have to stand on one side or the other. These are decisions that can't stand in the middle."

Poll after poll tell us that the majority of Americans support the right to privacy in our most intimate decisions, and so I'd like to believe that sexual justice is a mainstream, middle of the road value. But, I for one, along with the more than 2600 religious leaders that are part of the network of the Religious Institute, believe in a faith based commitment to sexual and reproductive rights and full inclusion of women and sexual minorities. I'm not willing to compromise the rights of women or GLBT people to appear more middle of the road; I wonder what it will take for some of my religious leader colleagues to understand that the leaders on the religious right are not going to allow sexual justice issues to fade into the background. As a result, we reaffirm our call to faith leaders and faith communities to be a prophetic voice for sexual and spiritual justice and wholeness.

Listen to Me on the Radio - Monday, September 25 @ 10:20 a.m.

I am appearing on the Lisa Birnback Show on Greenstone Radio on Monday, September 25, 2006 at 10:20 am. We will be talking about multifaith perspectives on values, morals, and sexuality. You can listen on your computer at http://greenstoneradio.com/listenertest/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=29&Itemid=49 or go to Greenstone to see if they are live on a radio station in your area. Let me know what you think!

My prayer for Rosh Hashana

The Days of Awe begin with us tonight. May the next ten days be days of reflection, introspection, and peace.

May we prepare ourselves for the changes in the year to come.

May it be a good year.

May it be a healthy year.

May it be a year of peace for all of us, all around the globe.

May it be a year of peace within ourselves.

May we live our lives with integrity, service, and love.

May we be blessed with the strength of this community, of our families, of our friends.

May we remember what it truly important in life and may we remember to be grateful every day.

May we all be inscribed another year in the Book of Life.

La Shanah Tovah!

Rev. Debra

La Shana Tova -- 5767

There are some days where I have to search for topics for my blog. There are other days like today where there are many things deserving comment or reporting. I could, for example, write this morning about the new CDC guidelines that encourage HIV testing for everyone beginning at age 13. (Is this the same government that wants to deny young people information about condoms and birth control?) I could also share with you how delighted I was to attend my first meeting of the Religious Roundtable of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force yesterday and how honored I was to be elected to their steering committee.

But, tonight is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and my thoughts are turned towards its celebration. I resonate with the new year beginning in September rather than the middle of winter. I like the call tonight to reflection, to forgiveness, to charity, to opening a new chapter in one's life. I will attend services today at my dad's congregation; on Sunday, we will observe the New Year in our Unitarian way at my home congregation, the Unitarian Church in Westport. I will take time tomorrow to reflect on my blessings, my shortcomings, and my hopes and prayers for the people I love.

La Shana Tova! Happy New Year. May you be blessed with a healthy and sweet new year. May this be a year of peace.

Values Voters

The Family Research Council is bringing 1400 conservative activists to Washington, D.C. for a Value Voter's Summit. Now, I wasn't invited to participate, and I haven't seen the agenda, but I'm guessing that there will be plenty of attention to sexuality issues.

But a poll released on Wednesday by the Center for American Values, a program of People for the American Way, found that issues such as abortion and marriage equality rank LAST in importance to the vast majority of Americans when deciding how to vote. Indeed, although this poll of more than 2500 randomly sampled U.S. citizens found that a majority of Americans support stem cell research, and marriage or civil unions for gay couples, 85% believe that issues like poverty and affordable health care are more imortant than issues like abortion and same sex marriage. Indeed, in thinking about voting, abortion and marriage equality come in dead last on how a person would decide to vote for a member of Congress. When people say that they "vote their values" more "people think of the honesty, integrity, and responsibility of the candidate than any other values."

Despite what the Family Research Council would have you believe this weekend, this poll shows that we are ALL values voters -- and a majority of us think that loving our neighbors and caring for the poor are the values that are most important -- not just for individuals but for government and religious leaders as well. Congratulations to People For the American Way for taking back the term "values voters."

Why Are You Reading This?

I have been blogging since March, and based on what I learn through Statcounter, on most days I have been 75 and 200 readers. I also know that in the course of a week, I have about 200 returning visitors.

But, I mostly hear comments from people who oppose what I have to say and I think it's fair to say even what my ministry stands for. Over the weekend, one "anonymous" poster sent very negative comments to seven different posts including a few with obscenities (and several with random Bible quotes that were taken out of the context of the text to disparage my thoughts.)

I don't make it my business to read blogs of those on the religious right, unless someone writes and tells me that they are about me or the Religious Institute. I write this blog for people who are genuinely interested in the connection of religion and sexuality, for people who have been alienated from their faith because of sexuality issues, to bring a progressive religious voice on sexual morality, justice, and healing to those who welcome it.

I respect that the issues I address are often difficult for people and that people of good faith can differ on these issues. I even like being in dialog (not debate) with people to see if we can seek common ground. But, really, if you hate what I'm writing, why are you spending your time reading this?

I'm guessing that my sister's knitting blog doesn't have people who hate knitting.

Join the MS petition

More than 35 million American women have had abortions in the past three decades, yet few have talked about it publicly. Too often, abortion has been a woman's private experience, and the silence has hurt the public's understanding that millions of women have faced unplanned pregancies. Even more, the public debate often forgets that 61% of women who have had abortions have also had children.

I feel lucky to have never faced this decision in my own personal life. But, I have many friends and congregants who have -- women who were too young, women who didn't have the financial resources, women whose contraceptive failed, women who were forced to have sex, women whose wanted pregnancies could not be continued because of their dire health problems or the medical problems of the fetus.

MS is asking those of us who have had abortion to sign a petition that they will make public of women who have had an abortion in their lifetime. You can sign the petition at https://msmagazine.com/donations/ms/womenspetition_c3_091906.asp

Public dialog about AIDS changed when people with the disease came forward. Public dialog about gay and lesbian people changed when people who were gay and lesbian came forward. The MS foundation hopes that by sharing the stories of real women who had abortions the public dialog can change too. I hope you'll consider it and pass it on.

More on the Pope and Apologies

See E.J. Dionne's excellent column in today's Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/18/AR2006091800993.html

Based on the news reports, it seems that the Vatican needs to do more than issue press statement apologies...one wonders and shudders to think how this will all end.

The Pope's Apology

It is not unusual for someone to come up to me after one of my talks at a progressive organization and say something like, "I can't believe you became a minister. I have no regard for religion. Religion has only been used to hurt people in the world." It happened again after my talk last week at the Center for American Progress.

I'm thinking about that comment again after just finishing reading about the Pope's extraordinary apology for comments he made about Islam last week and the ensuing violence that has resulted in churches being burned in the middle east and the slaying of a nun in Somalia. My first thought was to quote Shakespeare, "a pox on both their houses."

The Pope was wrong in quoting an anti-Islamic medieval text and has apologized for using the quote. (Don't they have someone who vets his speeches before he gives them??) The violence in response is wrong. It is just the latest chapter in religious intolerance and hatred springing from religous beliefs.

What I usually tell the person who tells me that they detest what religion has done to the world is that I agree with them. And then I tell them that that faith and religion have also brought hope and healing to the world through history to the world as well. But, right now, the image of the dead nun shown on the Today Show is hurting my heart. I am reminded of Meister Eckhardt's quote, "When will people stop believing in a god that makes them sad?"

Creating Common Ground

Yesterday, a pro-life Congressional Representative from Ohio and a pro-choice Congressional Representative from my home state of Connecticut introduced a new bill titled "Reducing the Need for Abortion and Supporting Parents Act."

It calls for increased funding for prenatal care, Title X family planning services, teenage pregnancy prevention services, and sexuality education programs that include abstinence and prevention information.

It makes sense. It talks about reducing the need for abortions by reducing unintended pregnancies. Its proposals are based on good science and good ethics. It shows that people from differing points of view can seek common ground and work together.

And if funded, there is no question that it would reduce the need -- and therefore the numbers -- of abortions in the United States.

Why is it then that I'm guessing the Religious Right isn't going to get behind this?

***
Thought for reflection over the weekend: I just read this quote by Kahil Gibran:

"Your daily life is your temple and your religion."

How well are you doing? I'm cutting it out and putting it on our refrigerator as a reminder.

A Progressive Vision for Reproductive Health and Rights

This lovely picture is from the cover of a new report by the Center for American Progress called "More Than A Choice: A Progressive Vision for Reproductive Health and Rights."

On Wednesday, I was one of the panelists at the launch of this new publication in Washington, D.C. About one hundred people from diverse organizations in D.C. attended the presentations. I joined Jessica Arons, the author of the report, Shira Saperstein from the Moriah Fund, Dr. Pablo Rodriquez, Planned Parenthood of RI, Malika Saaada Saar, Rebecca Project for Human Rights, and Rhonda Waller, from Adura to discuss various aspects of the report.

The Four Cornerstones of the report are:

The ability to become a parent and to parent with dignity.

The ability to determine whether or when to have children.

The ability to have a healthy pregnancy.

The ability to have healthy and safe families and relationships.

In this report, CAP affirms its commitment to reproductive health and justice, and although the language is perhaps not as clear as I might have liked, to sexual health and rights as well. As part of a broad policy agenda that stresses reproductive health and healthy pregnancies, they support accessible abortion services, comprehensive sexuality education, marriage equality, and the right of gays and lesbians to adopt children.

They also remind the reader that 60% of women who seek abortions are already parents, and that the same women need both prenatal care and parenting support and safe and legal abortion, just at different times of their lives. They also remind us that the average woman in the U.S. spends five years trying to become pregnant or being pregnant, but more than 30 years trying to avoid pregnancy.

In my comments, I suggested that our culture confusion about reproductive health and rights was really a proxy for our cultural confusion about sexuality, and that both must be addressed. I challenged the audience:

We need to articulate our own values, and we need to confront the moral values of those who seek to deny these rights to men, women and teenagers. We need to ask, Is it ever moral to coerce a woman to carry a pregnancy to term? Is it ever moral to deny young people life saving information? Is it ever moral to deny a loving committed couple the right to a union protected by laws available to heterosexual couples. Is it moral in a pluralistic society to privilege one religious point of view over another?

You can read the report or its executive summary at
http://www.americanprogress.org/site/pp.asp?c=biJRJ8OVF&b=2060837

I am honored and grateful that the Center for American Progress included me today. More, I am deeply appreciative of their commitment to reproductive health and rights. I hope you'll read it. Pass it on.

Introducing Greenstone Media

Last night I attended the launch of a new women owned, women run radio network, Greenstone Media, at the Museum of Radio and Television in New York City.

It was a very exciting and heady evening. Several hundred people filled the room to salute the launch of this new network, and listen to speeches by Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda among others. In the small world department, the President and CEO of Greenstone is Susan Ness, who I served with on the Montgomery County Commission on Women in the early 1980's.

Here's how Greenstone describes its history:

"Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, and a high powered group of women decided to offer an alternative by founding GreenStone Media. It's the only national radio network owned by women, and it's designed to offer what is missing in talk today -- radio that is thought-provoking, emotionally involving, believable and trustworthy. Radio that talks with you, not at you. " Their slogan is "Less heat. More light."

In my favorite line of the evening, Ms. Steinem said that they will work to be just edgy enough that you can still have your children listening with you in the car. Right now, they have programs from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. that you can listen to on some AM and FM stations but also on your computer (and soon to be podcast). I'm even moved to have my son reconnect the speakers on my desk computer.

I am excited to share with you that I will be taping some programs with Jane Fonda for the Lisa Birnback show in October, and will let you know here when you can expect them to air. When they move to weekend programming, I hope to be able to do more.

Victor Hugo said "There is no greater power on earth than an idea whose time has come." Greenstone is such an idea.

Telling Teens Not to French Kiss

I've just read a new article titled "Legislating Against Arousal" in the latest copy of the Guttmacher Institute's journal.

Cythnia Dailard reports that the federal government, nearly ten years since the start of the abstinence-only-until-marriage program has finally defined what they mean by abstinence. The new guidelines say that abstinence is "voluntarily choosing not to engage in sexual activity until marriage." They define sexual activity as "any type of genital activity or sexual stimulation between two persons."

Sexual stimulation? Let's see, that could include flirting, hand holding, kissing, french kissing...watching someone in tight jeans bend over and pick up a fork on the floor of the middle school cafeteria. Come on...were these people ever teenagers?

And any type of genital activity until marriage? Let's remember that the average age of marriage is now 26 in the United States. Could the people who wrote these regulations really think it is realistic to ask in love teens and twenty somethings prior to marriage not to share any type of stimulating behaviors? And what about gay and lesbians who are denied the right to marriage? I guess they better avoid stimulation throughout their lives.

This would be laughable if we weren't pouring millions of dollars into these programs each year. They offer bad public health advice to young people, and I think they fail to offer moral advice to young people as well. Frankly, as a minister, I would refuse to marry a couple who told me that they had shared no sexual behaviors at all; sexuality is too important in a marriage, and the decision to be married is too sacred, to have NO information about each other's sexuality prior to the wedding day. It's hard to believe that it is federal policy to encourage such ignorance.

Instead, we should be helping young people celebrate their developing sexuality, one of God's most life affirming gifts, in developmentally appropriate ways. In October, the Religious Institute will be convening a group of theologians to develop a new Open Letter on Adolescent Sexuality. I look forward to sharing it with you.

To read Ms. Dailard's full article for yourself, go to http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/gpr/09/3/gpr090312.html

Homecoming and 9/11

Yesterday was the homecoming service at my church, the Unitarian Church in Westport. I am the endorsed community minister there -- that means that although I am not on the staff of the church, I am affiliated with them and they are the body that holds me accountable to the Unitarian Universalist Association. I try to tithe my time to the church, offering the community worship assistance and pastoral care as requested by the parish ministers and periodic adult and youth education, sermons, and leadership of the Safe Congregations committee.

I love the Homecoming Service. Hundreds of people fill the lawn and we rededicate each of the important symbols of our church. We read a necrology of people who have been members and died since the church was founded.

There were many 9/11 reminders. Two sons of our church were killed in the towers; the flowers were dedicated to them yesterday. The day, crisp and sunny with a blue sky that went on forever, was just like that September day.

It was good to be back home in community. September 11, 2001, my sister in ministry Barbara Fast and I kept the church open past midnight and held a prayer service while Frank Hall, our senior minister, met with the families most immediately affected. It was good to be in community that night too.

I know that too many people have been alienated from their faith communities because of their sexuality. I meet people all the time who have given up on religion because of the way it addressed sexuality. One of the key messages of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing is that there are faith leaders (over 2600 of them!) and faith communities that welcome all people and that are committed to being sexual healthy faith communities. We are in every state and we represent more than 40 faith traditions. If you have given up, I hope you will try again.

Today, let us pause to honor the memories of those who died...let us remind ourselves that all we ever really know we have is the present day, the present moment. Let us recommit to justice for all.

That's Why There Is An On and Off Button

Our home phone rang last night, and the caller asked to speak to the "lady of the house." I guess that's me. She then said she was doing a poll, and could I answer one question for her. Curious, I said "yes." Her question was something like, "Do you think that the television rating system isn't doing a good enough job and that television shows have gotten too edgy and have too much sexual content?"

Well, my public health background told me that this wasn't any scientific poll, so I said, "No." She said, "NO?? Should I repeat the question so you understand it better?" I said, "I think I understand the question. No." She sputtered, and I continued, "Parents can monitor and decide what shows their children watch. They can watch television with their children. They can turn it off. We don't need to police popular entertainment." She said, "I'm from the Dove Foundation and we are going to clean up television."

And then get this...she hung up on me.

I googled the Dove Foundation this morning. It turns out that up until now they have concentrated on identifying what they call "family friendly" movies. To give you a clue about who they are, they think that the Harry Potter movies push the occult. Now, I guess, they are turning to television.

Like any parent, I'm concerned about what my children see in the media. I regularly consult my friend Nell Minow's site; she's the Movie Mom and does excellent reviews so that my family can decide if we want to see a particular movie. If a television show has a 14 rating and my son wants to watch it, we watch it together and then we talk. It's called using the media as a teachable moment.

But, so called polling with predetermined outcomes about the content of media -- I think I'll pass. Dove Foundation, take me off your call list.

Still on Retreat...But...

I'm at a library in Acadia in Maine, checking email for the first time in a week. I could actually do a whole blog entry on the spiritual benefits of periodic withdrawal from email, but I'll spare you.

Mostly, I want to encourage you to read the comments on the entry I did last Friday on doctors denying women contraception. They are a fascinating blend of opinions, including many strong natural family planning advocates. Other people who join my concern about these clinics have also posted. I have not approved the four hateful messages (this is after all my space!), but I have posted all of the others.

It's a fascinating dialog and I invite you to join the discussion!

"See you" Friday.

Rev. Debra

Doctors Why Deny Women Birth Control

The Washington Post ran an article yesterday entitled "Medical Practices Blend Health and Faith." You can read it at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/30/AR2006083003290.html?nav=hcmodule

It described a trend that frankly had escaped me until I read the article -- obstetrician/gynecologist offices that "pray for and with" patients, refuse to offer or even refer for birth control, sterilizations, or abortions, and promote only natural family planning.

There are according to the article more than 500 such medical practices in the United States. They quote one doctor who says, "We're trying to get doctors to see that contraception is not good medical practice" and that natural family planning "builds a marriage."

Unfortunately, the article doesn't quote one religious leader who thinks this is a bad idea.

It is. What happened to informed consent in medicine? Natural family planning is the least effective method of contraception, and effective contraceptive use is not only "good medical practice" but a moral choice. What happens when a woman goes to one of these doctors who has a different religious point of view? What happens in a rural area where this might be the only obstetrician/gynecology offices? Although not addressed in the article, one shudders to think how a woman with a sexually transmitted disease is seen in one of these practices. Do they treat her or send her out with a lecture? Do these doctors refuse women vaccines against Hepatitis and HPV because they protect against such diseases? What is the end of their limiting their services to sexually active women?

To my mind, these medical practices neither support women's health or their faith. They're dangerous and they are immoral in their goal of limiting women's moral agency. What do you think?

***
I'll be on spiritual retreat in Maine next week. I'll be "back" next Friday. Have a good Labor Day weekend!

Rev. Debra W. Haffner

TV Fall Preview

I met yesterday with Neil Guiliano, the relatively new Executive Director of GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. GLAAD has a long program of working with the media on the portrayal of sexual minorities, and I'm excited that they will be started initiatives this year on youth and on reaching out to faith communities. I am looking forward to collaborating with them.

They have just published a new study of the upcoming 2006 - 2007 TV season. Now my regular readers know I watch way too much television, and ever since I was small, I have looked forward to reading about new series in the fall preview issue of TV Guide. With the loss of Will & Grace, this upcoming season there only have 9 gay characters on broadcast entertainment shows, although nearly three times that many on cable networks. Day time talk though is another matter -- there's Ellen and I can't wait to see what Rosie does on The View.

The number of ministers on entertainment television though has now gone to zero, with the final season of Seventh Heaven and the very short lived show with the Episcopal minister from last season. I don't think I've ever seen a woman minister on an entertainment series -- have you? Maybe Grey's Anatomy could use a woman hospital chaplain.

Stained Glass Ceiling

That's actually a picture from the worship service before the March for Women's Lives in 2004. That's me on the right at the microphone; Rabbi Sally Priesland, the first woman ordained as a Rabbi in the U.S., is at the microphone on the left.

It seems like a fitting picture to go with a post about a recent New York Times article on how few women serve large congregations in the United States. The article shares that there is still tremendous discrimination against women ministers and rabbis; they are much more likely to be associate clergy or directors of religious education than they are to hold the senior position.

They quote men as saying they are distracted by women in the pulpit, including one man who says he has to shut his eyes when a woman is preaching. It reminded me of that one liner, "There are three sexes. Men, Women, and Clergy." It is a challenge to own one's sexuality and be a woman minister. It's a topic that we address openly in my seminary classes, but one that I'm guessing isn't usually discussed at most seminaries.

The stained glass ceiling is real -- even in those denominations that have been ordaining women for more than thirty years. It's time for real full inclusion.

Remembering Katrina

Before I became a minister and before I became a sexologist, I was studying for a job in public service. I majored in government in college and I was a Capitol Hill intern. My advocacy work for the past thirty years grew out of my belief that government can and does make a difference. I naively believed that in the time of a national crisis that the federal government would be there to protect us.

For me, that's the enduring legacy of Katrina. The federal government failed the people of Louisiana and Mississippi, and continues to fail too many of them today. My heart and prayers go out to those who were most directly affected, but this year's anniversary is a sobering reminder for all of us. It's also a reminder that the work there, the need there continues. I'm going to send another donation to our partner church in New Orleans today; I hope that if you are able you will send an additional donation to an organization helping rebuild after Katrina.

When Over the Counter Isn't

So, last week, the Food and Drug Administration finally released it's hostage -- the three year old pending application for Plan B, also known as emergency contraception. Headlines blared "Plan B now available as OTC medication."

Now, OTC stands for Over the Counter. But, in a clarification released today, it turns out that the medication will only be available BEHIND the counter. And people will need to show their identification to prove that they are over 18. And perhaps be subjected to a lecture by a pharmacist or store clerk who doesn't believe in emergency contraception. Somehow, all those requirements don't sound over the counter to me.

My 21 year old daughter supports the decision to require 16 year olds to get a prescription. She believes that a 16 year old who has had unprotected sex needs to be talking to a doctor or nurse practioner about getting on an ongoing method of birth control -- or even the decision to have sex at all. In theory, I support that position, but I've just worked with too many teen women to want to put up barriers to pregnancy prevention. I'd rather see the FDA require that every woman who gets Plan B is also handed the number of a local family planning clinic.

The irony of course is that our 16 year old sons can walk into almost any drug store in America and purchase a condom...from the shelf, not behind the counter, without an ID, or the possibility of a lecture. That's a good thing if it means he is protecting himself against STDs and pregnancy -- why would we want our daughters to have less?

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Just friends

I preached yesterday at my home congregation, the Unitarian Church in Westport. The sermon title was "Friendship -- With Benefits."

You can read the whole sermon at the section called "Debra's Sermons" on the UCW web site in a few days. I talked about how I hate the term "just friends" because it implies that friendship is less important than other relationships.

I shared though that we can take back the term "just friends" if we understand that “just” comes from “justice”, right relations. “Just friends” love and nurture each other. “Just friends” listen to each other, sit with each other, and offer each other unconditional regard. “Just friends” show up. “Just friends” tell you the truth when no one else will, but always with kindness and compassion.

May you be blessed with just friends.

A Gender Sensitive Torah

I grew up in a very secular Jewish home, and I asked to go to synagogue after I started attending my friends' bar and bat mitzvahs. When I did go, I always felt let out -- partially because I hadn't studied Hebrew and I didn't know the songs like my friends did, but I also have a strong memory of my reaction to the texts that only seemed to talk about men. How could we only be praying to the "God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob" -- over and over again? Why were the heroes of the stories all men? Why did God create man first? Where could I find 13 year old me in these texts?

Now, I don't mean to imply that I had a fully developed feminist consciousness at 13, just that I knew they weren't talking to me. I was delighted this morning then to learn in a post in a newsletter from The Shalom Center of a brand new translation of the Torah that calls itself "A Gender Sensitive Adaptation of the JPS Translation." It's available on amazon.com for $18.48. I plan to order it.

Language matters. It matters to women that they can find themselves in sacred texts. It matters to gay people when ministers talk about "partners" instead of husbands and wives or even spouses. It matters when we speak about different types of families instead of privileging one over others. It matters that we seek to include everyone. I'm grateful to the translators of this new volume for making it a little easier to do so.

It's About Time -- and Morality

Victory at last! Three years after its own advisory committee said that emergency contraception should be available over the counter, the FDA announced this morning that pharmacies could now sell Plan B without a prescription to women 18 and over. As I blogged earlier this summer, the decision to still require adolescent women to obtain a prescription within 72 hours of unprotected sex is a political decision not one based on medicine or science. Still, today's decision is a victory for those who have worked so hard to bring this medicine to American women, long after women around the world have had easy access to it.

I'll leave it to my secular sister organizations to tell you more about why this decision is medically important. It's morally important though because it is one more way that women can avoid an unintended or unwanted pregnancy. I heard some anti-choice person on the radio say that today is a tragic date for women and their children. But, it is precisely because life is sacred and parenthood is so precious that new life should never be created carelessly or because a condom broke or because intercourse was forced or because people got swept away. It's hard to understand how every person who opposes abortion isn't working with us to assure that every sexually active woman has easy access to contraception, including Plan B.

Family Values

If you've seen the movie, this picture has to make you smile. If you haven't, it's from "Little Miss Sunshine" and it is a totally delightful bittersweet comedy about a dysfunctional family on a road trip in a VW bus without a clutch. The last ten minutes of the movie (not to be revealed, of course) are worth the price of the ticket, but there are multiple sermons that could be written from this movie on the value of family and love in our lives. This is a family that loves each other in spite of themselves....like most of our families do.

It was the perfect start for our annual family vacation to the beach in Rhode Island. We're going to ride the waves, take long bike rides, go to the water park, play miniature golf, and eat steamers and freshly picked corn. It's been our family's annual vacation for more than twenty years. I'll be "back here" on Thursday.

Take a moment this week to be thankful for your family.

JonBenet and Mikey

I'm guessing you have no idea who this child is. His name is Mikey Vallejo-Seiber, and he was three years old when he was murdered by his mother's boyfriend. His mother and the boyfriend began trial this week.

As pictures of JonBenet Ramsey once again fill newspapers and TV shows, one has to wonder what makes one murdered child a national news story and another murdered child a footnote.

My heart broke when I read this story on Gender Pac.

The wrote, "Mendoza, who was openly critical of Mikey's upbringing, attempted to "toughen up" the toddler by calling him a "sissy" who needed to be toughened up, slapping him, and urging him to beat up his Elmo doll, according to the toddler's mother. The three-year-old died in the hospital after suffering massive internal injuries from being kicked, punched, and dropped on the head while in Mendoza's care."

According to Gender Pac, he's not the only boy child who has been killed because of gender variant behavior. How many children will die -- or live agonized lives -- because they don't fit into our cultural stereotypes of how boys and girls, and men and women, should behave? Children's Medical Center in Washington, D.C. has an excellent program for parents with gender variant children; Genderpac is starting a new program called "Children As They Are." The 2004 update of my book "From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children" has a section for parents on gender variant children.

Isaiah 56:5, talking about the known sexual minority of the time, wrote, "To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give, in my house and within my walls, a monument and a name, better than sons and daughters. I will give them an everlasting name." May Mickey Vallejo-Seiber become such a name.

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Search for Common Ground

Two stories showed up in my inbox yesterday about the abortion debate. NARAL Pro-Choice America released a new poll on abortion that found that 77% of likely voters say that "government and politicians should stay out of a woman's personal and private decisions whether or not to have an abortion."

Eight in ten agreed that American's are tired of the divisive abortion debate.

Me too.

And that leads to the second story. Thirty clergy met earlier this week in Rapid City, South Dakota to discuss how to help their congregants address the abortion debate. One participant, the Rev. Jeri Behringer, who retired in May from the Spearfish UCC, said the seminar was helpful in providing a model for congregational discussion. She told the paper,

"Something has happened in the last few years that seems to have divided us in ways that I've never seen before in 36 years of ministry. There's an inability to hear each other and respect each other and respect that we are all Christians together, regardless of whether we agree on every issue."

It's been said for more than thirty years, but it bears repeating -- pro-choice is not the same as pro-abortion. Pro-choice is common ground. Only an individual woman can make this decision. The moral agency of women must be respected and affirmed, and as religious leaders, we must work to assure that abortion remain legal, safe, and accessible. We must also do all we know to prevent the need for abortion -- as our "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Abortion as a Moral Decision" says, "it is precisely because life is so precious that it never be created carelessly."

Strange Bedfellows

The Kaiser Family Foundation announced yesterday that it has entered into a partnership with the Fox Networks Group to air a series of public service announcements for teenagers on health issues. Called the PAUSE campaign, it is designed in the words of the press release, "to help teens understand the power they have to make difficult decisions on a range of issues including teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases; alcohol and substance abuse; and online safety, among other topics."

Now, I'm all for helping young people make good decisions and encouraging young people to think before they act makes sense. But Fox? Fox news shows have a long history of bashing sex education, abortion, gays, and most other issues I care about. I've had some pretty awful experiences on Fox news shows, and generally say no when I'm asked to appear.

Now, I know that entertainment and news divisions are different -- and my son and I are devoted American Idol and House fans. But I can't help but wonder how editorial may affect the information provided. The list of organizations that will be linked to DOES NOT include Planned Parenthood, Advocates for Youth, Sex Etc, or any gay and lesbian youth organization. What could Kaiser have been thinking?


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Gays in the Military -- Discharge "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network released a report yesterday that the number of gay and lesbians servicepeople discharged because of being gay increased 10 percent last year; one base in Kentucky actually discharged 49 people in one year.

Wait -- aren't we in the middle of a war? And the Armed Services is increasing the number of people it dismisses based on sexual orientation?

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was bankrupt public policy when it was signed by Bill Clinton in 1993. It says that the military can't ask service members about their sexual orientation, but can dismiss people if they volunteer the information or if there is "evidence of homosexual conduct." There isn't a shred of evidence that gay and lesbian people can't be good service members; Israel, Australia, and the U.K. all have openly gay service members.

It's time that the policy is discharged. The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network has an online petition you can sign that they will send to your member of Congress and the President. It will only take you a minute, and it can be your action for sexual justice today.

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Gays in the Military

More on AIDS

Blessings to Bill and Melinda Gates for putting prevention squarely on the agenda of the 16th International AIDS Conference last night.

In his opening address, Bill Gates said, "Treatment without prevention is simply unsustainable." Melinda Gates talked about "proven effective approaches -- condoms, clean needles, education, and testing" and urged participants to make sex workers "critical allies in the fight to end AIDS."

That's called speaking truth to power.

It's not the message that the U.S. government is giving to the world. I'm glad that someone from the U.S. did and could.

Treatment without prevention is also immoral.
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