And for the rest of us.
Several people have reminded me that this past twelve months of exposes of public figures sex lives have been going on a long time, and that many have been heterosexual men who have potentially risked everything for a sexual encounter or thrill. Think Gary Hart, Marv Alpert, Bill Clinton, James Baker, Bill Cosby, Bill O'Reilly...you get the picture.
So here are some basic pieces of sex education for adults.
Understand that you can have a sexual feeling without acting on it -- without even telling anyone about it. Think about it -- if Bill Clinton had thought to himself, "Cute Intern. Too Young, Too Risky" and moved on, he would not have been impeached.
Nothing, really nothing, is ever private between two people. Someone always tells someone. And the less the other person has to lose, the more likely they are to tell more people. In fact, unless it's your life partner, only have sex with someone who has as much to lose as you do.
Sexually healthy adults discriminate between sexual behaviors that are life enhancing -- for themselves and their partners - with those that could be destructive (of themselves or their partner(s). If there's a chance that the behavior could cost you your partner, career, reputation, say "thank you, that would have been lovely" and move on.
Stop and ask yourself is it consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable and protected? One or two out of five is not enough.
Is the behavior consistent with your values, expressed and internal. If you're found out, can you be accused of hypocrisy? More importantly, can you live with yourself?
YOUR TURN. What would you add to this list?
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3 comments:
Can you ask your wife for help? (Since you will inevitably be a male politician or public figure.)
I would add that since many of the incidents you mention were, as far as we know, consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable and protected, and, in some cases not in any way contradicted by their public policy statements, politicians should realize that sexuality is going to be condemned no matter what the ethics involved since the scolds in this society basically hate sexuality and will always try to punish it.
I wish it weren't so but that is the reality right now.
More importantly, I wish we would all, as sexual adults and as pro-sex voices, take a public stand that in the future we will only respond to these incidents with one phrase.
Private lives are private
Period. That's it. No more. No less.
Then we can return to getting some tolerance in this society and stop forcing people into various straight and gay closets so the intolerant can't find them and punish them for things that we and eventually those same politicians labor for to free others to be able to do in their own private lives.
If it were only that easy. The sexual desires and impulses are often relentlessly strong. We live in a highly sexualized culture that is at the same time terribly prudish and judgemental about sex.
No matter what you do sexually someone is going to disapprove.
What if we allowed consenting adults to practice private sexual behavior free of shame or public humiliation.
I believe that it is possible to be an excellent politician and also sexually adventuresome.
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