Sex Education John Edwards Could Have Used -- Like Others Before Him

As we were stuck with weather delays on returning from the Canadian Rockies on Friday, we watched the John Edwards story unfold on the TV monitors in the airport. Once again, my initial response was that this is private behavior, that the press should not be involved in such stings, and that our prayers should be with the family. But, the possibilities that the Edwards campaign hired his mistress for a job she had little experience for or paid her money to keep her quiet moves this into a public realm in a different way. And I shudder to think what this might have meant if Mr. Edwards was now a candidate for the Presidency.

And I remembered a column that I had written for the Huffington Post after the revelations about Eliot Spitzer...or was that John McCain...or Senator Craig...or?

So here with some updating are some basic guidelines for politicians -- or any sexually healthy adult.

Honor your commitments to your partner. A sexually healthy marriage is based on honesty and trust; only you and your spouse know what you have agreed to, but don't put her in the position of having to stand by you at a microphone while you confess to the entire world. Keep that picture in your head as you are considering your behaviors. I have great respect for the way Elizabeth Edwards responded this weekend.

Understand that you can have a sexual feeling without acting on it -- without even telling anyone about it. Think about it -- if Bill Clinton had thought to himself, "Cute Intern. Too Young, Too Risky" and moved on, he would not have been impeached. If your partner isn't interested in exploring a particular part of your eroticism with you, the safest thing is to explore it only in the confines of your mind.

Nothing, really nothing, is ever private between two people. Someone always tells someone. And the less the other person has to lose, the more likely they are to tell more people. In fact, unless it's your life partner, only have sex with someone who has as much to lose as you do. Sex workers don't. Neither do women or men in their twenties. Oh, and the scrupulous use of birth control and condoms are not alternative behaviors. One can only hope that Mr. Edwards knows for sure that this is not his child.

Sexually healthy adults discriminate between sexual behaviors that are life enhancing -- for themselves and their partners - with those that could be destructive (of themselves or their partner(s). If there's a chance that the behavior could cost you your partner, career, reputation, just say no. Visiting a sex club, a sex worker, having sex with an employee, soliciting someone in a public bathroom or park, putting a lover on a payroll: chances are it's going to land you on the front page and you'll lose your job or your reputation .

Remember that a moral sexual relationship is consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable and protected. Does the relationship meet those criteria? If you can't answer yes to all of these, say no.

Always ask if the behavior consistent with your values, expressed and internal. If you're found out, will you be accused of hypocrisy? More importantly, can you live with yourself -- and the impact of the world and your family finding out? It is painful to think about the conversations this weekend at the Edwards' home.

Of course, these ethics apply to all of us, not just people in political power. Remember that Scripture counsels us to be careful about throwing the first stone.