Today's Chicago Sun Times -- More on Sexuality at the Movies

I do a lot of print interviews, and it's more usual than not that I'm disappointed with the way my message is portrayed.

So, I was delighted to read this morning Catherine Falsani's interview with me in The Chicago Sun Times. This is the first article I've read that focuses on the sexual messages of The Davinci Code. Here's a piece of what she wrote:

Jesus could feel all that humans do -- joy, love, sorrow, anger, fear, pain -- why would he not also feel sexual? That isn't sinful.

It's just human.

And it doesn't mean that he had to have sex to be sexual.

But what if Jesus did?

How, exactly, would that threaten the very foundations of the Christian faith? A faith that is, if I'm not mistaken, based on the fact that Jesus came to Earth and sacrificed his sinless human life on the cross to redeem the rest of humanity, so that by faith, through grace, we all could be saved.

A faith that is not, unless I'm overlooking something, based on the idea that Jesus was a celibate man who neither married nor fathered children.

If that isn't good enough, she features the work of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing and quotes me extensively.

Here's the link to the article -- http://www.suntimes.com/output/falsani/cst-nws-fals19.html

I'm so pleased with this column -- well, everything except the quote that says I look more Martha Stewart than Carrie Bradshaw...

Have a great weekend.

Rev. Debra

Davinci Code and Sex

No, I haven't seen it. The movie opens this Friday, but I think I'll wait until the lines are shorter. But, I did read the book. And I've read many comments by religious leaders this week about it. Some Catholic groups are calling for a boycott of the movie; other groups are calling for an "othercott" this weekend, suggesting people in protest see any other movie to affect the ratings.

The controversy around the book and the movie centers around the role of women in the early church and Dan Brown's suggestion that Jesus had a sexual relationship with Mary Magdalene which resulted in children. The slightest suggestion that Jesus might have been sexual with another person infuriates some.

It doesn't me. Now, there is nothing in Scripture that suggests that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were an item. But other researchers like William Phipps have said that it was certainly possible that Jesus would have been married in his mid teens like other Jewish young men of the times and that his wife might have died in childbirth before we meet him again in his early thirties. (The average Jewish man was in an arranged marriage shortly after puberty and the average life span for a woman in the first century was age 25.) Others like Ted Jennings have written that Scripture suggests that Jesus was in a homoerotic relationship with the "beloved disciple."

The Councils that debated the two natures (human and divine) of Jesus in the early Christian church didn't leave records about whether they discussed his sexuality as part of understanding Jesus' humanity. But surely if Jesus was fully human, he was sexual from his birth to his death as are we all. Is there any way to know for sure if Jesus expressed that sexuality in a physical relationship with another person? There's no way to know.

What I do know is that breaking the silence about sexuality and the role of women in the church is a good thing. And if a new movie helps bring about that, that's a good thing too.

More on Politics and Your Sexual Health

I somehow missed this story when I was in Nebraska last week.

Every year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a National STD Prevention Conference. The 2006 conference was held in Florida last week and it was supposed to feature a panel on research on abstinence-only programs. My friend and colleague Bill Smith, the Vice President of Public Policy at SIECUS, had been invited to be part of the panel "Are Abstinence-Only Programs A Threat to Public Health" which had gone through the peer review process to select speakers.

It turns out that Congressman Mark Souder was upset that a critic of abstinence-only programs was going to present at a CDC conference. The panel's title was changed at the last minute to "Public Health Strategies of Abstinence for Youth", Mr. Smith was DISINVITED, and two pro-abstinence-only people were invited to participate, even though they had not been through the peer review process.

One of the new speakers was Dr. Eric Walsh, a family physician affiliated with Loma Linda University. According to SLATE, Dr. Walsh's "approach to public health is explicitly ideological." His web site bio says, "Dr. Walsh seeks to serve the Lord through medical missions and the preaching of the Gospel in all the world. "

Bill told me, "this is the most direct example we have that political appointees will respond to pressure from ideologues when it comes to public health."

I'm taking this kind of personally. I was the CEO and President of SIECUS for 12 years, and Bill is a trusted friend and colleague of mine. But it's more than that. My theological commitment to TRUTH TELLING coupled with my public health training commitment to PREVENTION means that I'd like to believe that we can count on the CDC to be above politics when it comes to the nation's health...even the nation's sexual and reproductive health. I guess not.

P.S. We published the May issue of our newsletter today. If you'd like to be on our newsletter list, sign up at www.religiousinstitute.org

Happy Mother's Day

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!

I'm just back from preaching at our annual church retreat. The theme for Sunday's worship was of course Mother's Day.

Did you know that Mother's Day was first proposed in the United States by a Unitarian? (No, that's not the beginning of a joke...although I did hear a new Unitarian Universalist joke today....Q: What's a Unitarian Universalist? A: An atheist with children to raise.)

Julia Ward Howe proposed the first Mother's Day in 1870. The same woman who had composed "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" had increasingly become an activist for peace. When a new war broke out in Europe, she developed what she called her Mother's Day Manifesto.

It said in part:

"Arise then…women of this day. Arise, all women who have hearts…say firmly, “we will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure others….From the voice of a devastated earth, a voice goes up with our own. It say’s Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

These words resonated in my heart today as I read them. I hope you took the time to honor those in your life who mothered you today, whether your biological mother or the men and women who provided you with nurturance and care. I hope those of you who are mothers were amply celebrated by your children and partners. And in the spirit of Julia Ward Howe, I hope you will recommit yourself today and every day to working for justice.

P.S. On a personal note -- I will receive my 2nd Mother's Day gift tomorrow when my daughter returns from her semester in Vietnam! Back on Tuesday.

Report from Omaha

Thank you to all of you who sent me encouraging emails and prayers for my trip to Omaha in light of the hate mail I received. I'm happy to report that last night went off without incident. There were no protesters (there had been the last time I was out here), over 400 people attended the talk on "sexual morality, justice, and healing", and I received a standing ovation at the end.

It was my first experience with personal security guards. I felt a little like Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard or a politician with secret service agents. I am grateful that they were there, and even more grateful that they had nothing to do but watch me sign books.

The warm response to my talk was yet another reminder of how hungry people are for the message of justice and healing and how there are people of faith every where who support sexual justice. I had the good fortune to meet and have dinner with Dick and Mary Holland who underwrite this lecture series. I asked Dick what he hoped I would accomplish with the talk. He said, "Give them hell."

I was reminded of what early Universalist minister John Murry said about the role of Universalist ministers. He urged, "Give them hope not hell." I tried to do both.

Is Sex in Heterosexual Marriage Becoming A Sexual Justice Issue?

Is it really possible in 2006 that there are conservative religious leaders who are worrying that married heterosexual couples are having sex for pleasure not procreation?

R. Albert Mohler, Jr., the President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, was quoted this way in the Sunday New York Times Magazine:

"I cannot imagine any development in human history, after the Fall, that has had a greater impact on human beings than the pill…I think there is no question that the pill gave incredible license to everything from adultery and affairs to premarital sex and within marriage to a separation of the sex act and procreation."

The idea that sex is only for procreation is NOT based in Scripture (see my blog entries on the Bible) but can be traced back to the influence of Platonists and the Stoics on the early Church. Stoic Musonius Rufus (30 – 100 ce) was the first to write that marital sexual intercourse was only for procreation:

“Sexual intercourse is justified only in marriage and is indulged in for the purpose of begetting children, since that is lawful, but unjust and unlawful when it is mere pleasure seeking even in marriage.”

Seneca went even further in advising passionless sex in marriage:

“In loving his wife, the wise man takes reason for his guide, not emotion…nothing is more depraved than to love one’s spouse as if she were an adulteress.”

Fast forward to Augustine three hundred years later. Augustine said that after the fall, sexual intercourse through semen carried original sin from generation to generation. Sexual intercourse in Eden is responsible for death. Had Adam and Eve not eaten the fruit, they would have been able to have sons “without intercourse, in some other way,” just as they had been created without parents. Augustine warned that married people are not to “run riot by immoderate license.” They are to limit “the lust of the flesh and order(ing) in a certain way within fixed limits its unquiet and inordinate motion.” Indeed, abstinence in marriage is a goal: “the better they are, the earlier they have begun by mutual consent to contain from sexual intercourse with each other.”

I wonder if that's the real goal of Christian conservatives like Mr. Mohler.

Stay tuned. I promise a blog entry on sex positive theologians from the first four centuries of Christianity later this week when I return from Omaha. I hope you’ll hold me in your prayers for this trip.

Contraception, Religion, and the NY Times

I hope you saw the excellent cover story in Sunday's New York Times Magazine on the increasing debates about contraception. If not, here's the URL:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/07/magazine/07contraception.html?ei=5087

But, there was one major flaw with the story, a flaw that I wrote about last week on the post on the Times article on Catholic bishops opposing marriage equality. Ten religious leaders are quoted in this article by Russell Short -- and all are conservative Catholics or evangelical Christians. Not a single mainstream or progressive religious leader is quoted. In fact, the story reads as if the controversy about contraception, abortion, and indeed sex in this country, is between secular public health and reproductive health professionals and religious leaders.

The fact is that debates about the role of sexuality in life go back to the early church. While many of the early Christian fathers warned about too much passion even in marriage, other religious leaders such as Jovinian and Athanasius argued that since sexuality was part of God’s creation, it must be good. Russell Shorto, in ignoring mainstream or progressive religious leaders in his otherwise excellent article on attacks on contraception, leaves the reader with the false impression that religious voices oppose the goodness of sex and sexuality. Has he interviewed some of us, he would have been able to report that the vast majority of faith traditions affirm that sexuality is God’s life-giving and life-fulfilling gift, and almost all Protestant and Jewish denominations affirm access to voluntary contraception.

Yes, I wrote the New York Times another letter pointing out that they once again failed to take note of the vast majority of people of faith who support sexual and reproductive rights. Anyone want to bet that once again they won't publish my letter?

Speak Out Against Discrimination

I caught the end of Mary Cheney's interview on television last night. Although I understand family loyalty, one couldn't help but wonder how she continues to support the Bush administration's attacks on equality for GLBT people.

With everything that is going on in the political world, you may have missed that the Senate leadership has promised to bring SJ Resolution 1 to the floor for a vote, maybe as early as June 5th. This resolution writes discrimination into the US Constitution. It says that "marriage in the US shall consist only of the union or a man and a woman" and prohibits the Constitution or any state constitution from offering legal rights pertaining to marriage to "any union other than that of a man and a woman." If it was to pass and be ratified, states like Massachussetts, Connecticut, and Vermont, would find their laws overturned.

This dangerous amendment went down to defeat in the Senate before. It is clearly an electoral year ploy by the Republicans to shore up their radically conservative base. You can speak out. Write your Senator TODAY at our Action Center. If you are a member of the clergy, sign on to the Coalition Against Discrimination in the Constitution's Faith For Fairness Letter and endorse the Religious Institute's Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality.

Our voices can and must make a difference. Unlike Mary Cheney, we can speak out for justice.

Love Your Enemy

I got my first hate comment on my blog yesterday. Now, I am not a stranger to hate mail. In 1997, when I was the President and CEO of SIECUS, I received 35,000 pieces of hate mail from a Concerned Women for America campaign. In recent years, I have periodically received what I would describe as Christian hate e-mails. People write to tell me that they are Christians and then generally quoting Revelations they call for my demise. I always wonder how they missed the parts of of the New Testament about loving your neighbor as yourself.

Anonymous sent me these words yesterday. I rejected them as a comment, as I will all hateful messages. But, I thought I'd share with you an excerpt:

It clearly says in scripture that Murder is a Sin and God Hates all sin. I heard you on KFAB from Omaha, NE and you are just telling Lies to further your choice...Stop spreading your legs and your lies. The first action would keep STDs and unwanted pregnancies from happening (it is a scientific fact.) And the second action would keep more lies from being proclaimed to the masses. Continue to read your scripture because in mine it tells me that we will be held accountable for every word that comes out of our mouths. Keep your sphincter shut. The world be the better for it.

I wish I could tell you that I am so tough that these messages don't unnerve me. But they do. And I've asked for added security at my talk in Omaha next week. But they also remind me to quote Matthew 5:44, "to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." So to Anonymous, I prayed for you and your heart and your brokenness this morning. And to the rest of you, an encouraging comment left here might be the balm I need today.

Blessings on this sunny day in the Northeast!

Will the Pope Allow Condoms to Prevent the Spread of AIDS?

The front page of Tuesday's New York Times includes a story that says that Pope Benedict has ordered a study of the church's teachings on condoms to prevent the spread of AIDS -- in marriage only. That's right; it's front page news that the Vatican is studying whether condoms can be used by a married couple where one of the partners has AIDS or is infected with HIV. The article says that condom use might be considered a "lesser evil" -- I guess compared to the evil of giving your spouse an incurable disease that you know you have.

Catholic theologians in the article are guessing that the Pope won't change church policy instead counseling such MARRIED couples to abstain from sexual intercourse completely. Rev. Thomas Berg from Westchester is quoted as saying that to use a condom (again in heterosexual marriage where one partner has HIV or AIDS) would "still be opting for something that dramatically disorders those sexual relations." That's the exact quote -- trying to protect one's spouse from a life threatening disease would dramatically disorder the relationship.

In what universe?? These are the same religious leaders who proclaim that sexual intercourse belongs only in marriage and then deny the sacrament of marriage to gay couples. Yet, they would also deny the right to have sex safely to married couples where one of the partners has HIV. How could it possibly be moral to advocate the transmission of disease rather than condom use? Perhaps our prayers could help the Pope do the right thing; actually if you're praying about this, let's suggest that the Pope recognize that condoms must be available to all who need them, regardless of marital status.

Listen to My First Podcast on Sexuality and Religion

I am definitely not what is known as an early adopter. I resisted having a cell phone for years, we still don't have TIVO, and I don't know how to program the vcr. I felt very 21st century when I started my own blog. So, I am very pleased to tell you that with more than a little help from my friends, I've created my first podcast.

Crossleft produced it. Crossleft is a not-for-profit organization that promotes grassroots action among progressive Christians. They believe that the teachings of Jesus are inherently progressive. I am very grateful that they chose to feature our ministry as one of their first podcasts and their willingness to stand up for sexual justice. I want to thank Rev. Robb Moore who volunteered his time to produce it.

My first podcast is a mini-sermon on sexuality and religion. It will give you an idea about the message of healing and hope that I try to bring to congregations around the country.

You can download it to your ipdo or mp3 player or just listen to it at http://www.crossleft.org or http://crossleft.org You can also download it at the itunes music store, although I personally couldn't quite figure out how to do that. Maybe you'll want to download it and listen to it in the car or at the gym!

I'd love to hear what you think. Leave me a comment here or send me an email. I've got email down.

Out of Iraq, Into Darfur

You wouldn't know it from the lack of press coverage, but there were hundreds of thousands of people at the March against Iraq in New York City on Saturday. And despite the lack of cooperation from the New York City police, we did manage to have a worship service before the March. There were Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist, and Christian religious leaders who offered prayers and readings; I opened with a litany for peace grounded in my Unitarian Universalist tradition. My friend Ledell Mulvaney led us in song throughout the morning.

It felt right to be there. I wish I could have been in DC today at the Darfur march. I hope you will participate in your own way to honor immigrants on May 1st. The horrors of the world mean we must speak out, each in our own way. Thank you to Rabbi Waskow and Reverend Sekou for allowing me to add my voice.

Stop the Attacks on Women's Health by the Government

What's a picture of Glamour Magazine doing on a minister's blog? No, it's not the cover story on "juicy sex answers from 109 men!"

The Religious Declaration calls for a a faith-based commitment to sexual and reproductive rights. This month's Glamour magazine includes a frank and alarming article on the Bush administration's assault on women's health. In an article titled, "The New Lies About Women's Health", the reporter writes:

"In fact, Glamour has found that on issues ranging from STDS to birth control, some radical conservative activities have used fudged and sometimes flatly false date to persuade the government...how do lies become official government health information?"

The article goes on to detail false reproductive health information on government web sites, inaccurate federally funded teen education, the withholding of over the counter emergency contraception, denial of EC to rape victims, misinformation campaigns on HPV, condom effectiveness, and abortion side effects, and the stacking of health panels with ideologues. It is a masterful overview of attacks on women's health and I urge you to read it.

But more...I urge you to include it in your sermons and newsletters, pass it on to others, and call on your federal representatives to end the attack on women's sexual and reproductive rights. It's not just a public health issue; when the government lies to us and denies us health services, that's immoral.

Iraq, Darfur, and Showing Up

There are some days that I find myself screaming at the newspaper or the television news. It's just too painful at times to pay attention to what is going on in the world. Although my ministry is primarily directed to sexual justice and healing issues, I am also -- like you -- profoundly affected by the larger brokenness in the world.

I've just agreed to be one of the worship leaders at the prayer service before the March for Peace, Justice, and Democracy (sponsored by United for Peace and Justice) in New York City on Saturday. The interfaith service will be at 9:40 on 19th Street (please note this is a correction from earlier post) between 5th and Broadway. The March is convening between 10:30 and noon on 20th Street. Sunday, is the March to end the violence against Darfur in Washington, D.C. If you are on the East Coast, I hope you're planning to be at one or both of these events.

Some times, all we need to do is show up. Some times, we need to put our bodies where our hearts are. Some days, I need to add my religious voice to the larger progressive religous community. Let's make sure that this weekend we are heard.

Religious Leaders Support Marriage Equality

The New York Times has once again published a story on religious views on marriage equality without a single mainstream or progressive religious voice quoted. Yesterday's NY Times reported that "50 prominent religous leaders" have endorsed a petition in support of a constitutional amendment blocking same sex marriage.

What the article ignored in its entirety is the growing movement among religious leaders and religious denominations in support of marriage equality. They didn't tell their readers that several religious denominations have endorsed marriage equality, including the Central Conference of American Rabbis, the United Church of Christ, and the Unitarian Universalist Association, or that nearly a dozen denominations allow their clergy to bless marriages or union ceremonies for committed couples. They didn't report that more than 500 prominent religious leaders have endorsed the "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality" that says in part that all persons have the right to lead lives that express love, justice, commitment, and pleasure, including but not limited to civil and religious marriage.

The Religious Institute calls on religious leaders to promote good marriages and family values without restrictions based on the sexual orientation of the partners. Shame on those religious leaders who seek to institute their particular narrow religious point of view into the U.S. Constitution.

If you are a religious leader or the staff of a religious institution, please endorse the "Open Letter." Or pass this on to your clergy person. And write your Senator to say that as a person of faith you oppose this effort. Visit our Action Center.

Just because the New York Times doesn't remember to quote us, we don't have to be silenced.

Lutheran Ministers Speak Out for GLBT issues

Greetings from the very rainy Northeast. Our backyard is flooded and our basement is wet, but I just received an email from a minister in Tuscon, Arizona that has brightened my day.

Nine ELCA ministers (that's the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America if you're not up on your Protestant denominations) have joined together to develop a campaign to protest the ELCA policy on gays and lesbians. They write that they are committed to :

Truth-telling: we will do our best to make clearer to all (including ELCA members, ecumenical partners, interfaith groups, social service agencies, community leaders, and general humanity) our view that current ELCA policy towards lgbt (lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered) persons does not reflect Lutheran Christian theology at its best, nor does this policy reflect the diversity of faithful Biblical interpretations held by Biblical scholars of integrity as taught in our ELCA colleges and seminaries.

They have developed a statement and are seeking signatures of ELCA clergy and other religious leaders. Their web site has many good resources on full inclusion. Please pass on the word to any Lutherans you know.

At the Religious Institute, we applaud those brave religious leaders who speak out against sexual oppression and work for sexual justice within their own denominations.

(I'm off to Washington, D.C. for two days of meetings with progressive religious leaders to encourage greater involvement in sexual justice issues. Check back here Wednesday to see how it goes.)

William Sloane Coffin, Part Two

On Thursday, there was a memorial service for Rev. William Sloane Coffin at the Riverside Church in New York. I was unable to attend because of travel, but I've been thinking about him a lot this week and reading many reflections by other religious leaders.

When I asked the students at Princeton yesterday to name a current progressive religious leader, none of them could think of one. They could name the religious leaders on the right. That speaks volumes for the need for prophetic voices today on social (and yes, sexual) justice.

But what I've been even more struck by is how many of the reflections I've read on Dr. Coffin's life reflect on his personal kindness and his reaching out to others. I wrote earlier this week about how much it meant to me to receive a personal letter from him thanking me for my ministry even though we had never met in person. What I've learned this week is he did that sort of thing all the time: sending letters of encouragement and praise, calling other clergy on the phone, allowing people he didn't know to visit him.

In other words, pulling on my Jewish background, he was a mensch. A real human being. He never let his celebrity go to his head and he never stopped speaking out for what he thought was right. He knew how much his encouragement meant and he was generous with it. May I do half as well in my ministry and life.

My Day at Princeton

I had a terrific day at Princeton University as the guest of the Center for the Study of Religion. I met with a group of students and faculty over lunch at the Women's Center, did a talk in the afternoon in a grand lecture hall that reminded me of "A Beautiful Mind", and had dinner with a group of graduate students who are studying various aspects of sexuality and religion. It was exciting to meet these young scholars and engage them in dialog.

I was told that there is a strong and growing conservative element among Princeton's students, including a society devoted to promoting chastity among students. It was "Pro-life Week" at Princeton, and a visual demonstration of 300 pink and blue tiny flags was in front of the student center. The sign said that they represented those who would have been admitted into the class of 2010 if their mothers hadn't had abortions. A banner hung in the back, asking observers to remember the women who might have died had abortion not been legal.

I wish I had had my camera so I could show you. It was a visible reminder that even on Ivy League campuses the cultural wars thrive. Some students noisly proclaim their virginity and try to recruit others; some students I was told engage in binge drinking and nameless hook ups. Sexual assaults on campus are increasing. And sexuality education is scarce on the campus. I loved talking to these groups about sexuality and religion, but I can't help but think that they need to have me back to talk just about sex.

Sex Offenders Don't Deserve To Be Set Up For Murder

You may have seen the news this morning that two men with a history of sex offenses were murdered in two towns in Maine on Easter Sunday. Their names, home addresses, places of employment, and photographs were on the Maine sex offender registry. Last summer, two other sex offenders were hunted down by a vigilante in Washington State.

The Religious Institute stands firmly against violence against women and children and recognizes that child sexual abuse is a devastating social, personal, and public health problem. But I personally believe that computerized offender registries that don't differentiate between pedophiles and 17 year olds that have sex with 15 year olds -- and that basically provide a map to the homes where people who have served time and presumably have had treatment live -- offer little more than a false sense of security about sexual abuse prevention. The reality is that in 90% of cases children are abused by people they know well -- family members, family friends, coaches, teachers, babysitters, and clergy. Rounding up sex offenders, putting them on lists, restricting where they can live and so on will not keep your children safe; educating them and educating yourself will as well as making sure your church, school, and community agency do adequate screening of their staff and volunteers.

How many people must be murdered in cold blood before effective screening and treatment programs replace online lists as the way to protect our children?

To order a copy of my book, "A Time to Heal: Protecting Children and Ministering to Sex Offenders" call Lifequest Publications at 419-872-7448.

(I'm off to speak at Princeton University on Wednesday as the guest of the Department of Religion and the Women's Center. Check back here Thursday afternoon to see how it went.)

Evangelicals and Sexuality

In between Easter services and Easter dinner, I had a quick chance to look at the Sunday New York Times. But, perhaps you didn't, so I want to point out a fascinating article on page 5 of the week in review, "Evangelicals Debate the Meaning of Evangelical". You may be able to read it online.

In my work around the country with secular progressive leaders, I often correct people who equate the word "evangelical" with fundamentalists or the religious right. This article points out that there are really three types of evangelicals in America -- traditionalists (who represent about 12.6% of all Americans and resemble what we think of as the religious right), centrists (who represent 10.8% of all Americans and generally avoid politics) and modernists (2.9% of Americans, who are more flexible socially and politically.)

What interested me most about the article was the graphic that included polling data on evangelicals and sexuality. (Yes, sexuality is often what most interests me in articles...) Almost six in ten modernist evangelicals support either civil unions and same sex marriage and 63% support abortion rights at least in some cases. One third of the centrists support either civil union and same sex marriage and more than four in ten support abortion rights. But even among the most conservative evangelical Christians, 11% support civil unions or same sex marriage, and 16% support abortion rights in at least some cases. Add those together and that's a substantial number of evangelical Christians who support at least those measures of sexual justice.

To this minister, that seems like really "good news."

Blessings for the week ahead.

Rev. Debra

A Sexologist Minister's View of Passover and Easter

As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, my family celebrates Passover and Easter. Last night, was our family Passover seder; Friday night is our church communal Passover seder; andSunday, we will attend church and celebrate dinner with my spouse's family. When we were first together, before we belonged to a faith community, we used to say, "we ate our religion." In some ways, I guess we still do.

Last night as we read the lines that because we were once strangers in Egypt, we must remember that others are still oppressed today, I couldn't help but think about all the people who are oppressed because of their sexuality. Certainly people who are sexual minorities, but also girls around the world denied opportunities, maybe even life itself, because of their biological sex and those forced into the sex trade. I thought about women forced to carry pregnancies to term and women where tradition or culture leads to female genital mutilation. The Easter story too is about oppression and a ruling class that sought to murder dissent.

But, ultimately what appeals to us about these holidays is their message of HOPE. The possibilities of liberation from oppression, rebirth and resurrection from the darkest places and days of our lives. May you and yours be blessed this Holy Week.

Rev. Debra W. Haffner

William Sloane Coffin

I was sad to learn this morning that William Sloane Coffin has died at 81.

Rev. Coffin was the epitome of a religious leader working for social change in society. During the Vietnam War, he spoke truth to power on a regular basis and emerged as a leading religious voice against the war.

I never met him personally, but I had his support. I remember how thrilled I was when he was one of the first religious leaders who endorsed the Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing. Even though he was retired and living in Vermont, he was still speaking out for the rights of the most marginalized. A year ago, after I had sent out a mailing to the Religious Institute network, he sent me a personal handwritten note thanking me for our work. William Sloan Coffin thanking me? It's still hanging on the wall of my office.

America has lost a giant. He will always be one of my role models and an inspiration for what a religious leader can do -- and more importantly, be. Rest in peace.

Easter Eggs and Sexual Justice

Do you live in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area and support the rights of all families? Do you have a child (or a friend with a child) who is seven or younger who might enjoy the White House Easter Egg Hunt on Monday, April 17th? Here's your chance -- in the spirit of this season of liberation and the triumph of hope over struggle -- to speak out for all families, regardless of the sexual orientation of the parents.

The Family Pride Coalition is organizing GLBT families to attend the Easter Egg Roll to celebrate their families. I called their Executive Director Jennifer Chisler and asked, "What if all the families at the Easter Egg Roll were wearing rainbow leis, whether or not the parents were gay? What if the lawn of the White House was a sea of rainbow leis, bandanas, and t-shirts? What if instead of 200 GLBT families the majority of the folks on the lawn, regardless of the sex of their co-parent, indicated their support for gay people to have and adopt children?" (In the interest of full disclosure, the idea came to me from that 1997 Kevin Kline movie, "In and Out".)

YOU can make that happen. Here's my challenge. Go the Family Pride web site and find out how to get tickets. (It means standing in line on Friday night.) If you don't have a child, volunteer to stand in line on Friday night to get tickets for families that do but can't be there. If you are a member of the clergy in the DC area, send out an alert to your congregation. Show up on Monday wearing clerical garb and a rainbow lei. Let people know in the words of my UU bumper sticker that as people of faith we believe, "We are all family and we all have value."

It's Holy Week and it's Passover. Let us send a message that we affirm the dignity and worth of all persons and we recognize sexual difference as a blessed part of our endowment. What better time to speak out for liberation and rebirth for us all?

(And if you go on Monday, send me your stories and photos and I'll post them here!)

"Love Your Neighbor"

I spent the weekend in upstate New York at a church that is working to develop its policies on keeping children safe for sexual abuse. This morning, I offered the sermon on "Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing."

A woman approached me at coffee hour and said, "I don't agree with some of what you said." Now, given that I had preached about sexuality and religion, I wasn't surprised. "What didn't you agree with?" I asked.

But she surprised me when she responded, "That part about love your neighbor. Maybe we should talk about tolerate your neighbor. But some people don't deserve to be loved." Now, I am thinking that she meant terrorists, suicide bombers, murderers, pedophiles...So, I responded, "It sounds like you are wondering how we could extend this love to people who are evil." And to my surprise, she answered, "I was thinking about people in my life, including some people here, who I can barely tolerate no less think about loving. Some people don't deserve to be loved."

I repeated something that I had said in the sermon. The hardest part about "Love your neighbor as yourself" is that part about loving ourselves, offering ourselves the same unconditional love and regard that we try to offer others. And told her that the people who are hardest for us to love may be the ones who need it most.

Like her at that moment.

I closed my sermon today with this quote from Hafiz about unconditional love. "Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, 'you owe me'....a love like that can light the world."

Week in Review: Sex and Religion in the News

When I started my blog, someone asked me if I would have enough to write about on sexuality and religion. The reality is that every day I have to choose which stories to cover. So, I've decided to institute a new feature every Friday -- "The Week in Review: Sex and Religion in the News". Let me know what you think!

Here's some of what happened this week:

*Senator Feingold spoke out in support of marriage equality, saying that although no religious faith should be compelled to officiate at such marriages, all people should have the right to marry. We applaud Senator Feingold's decision to speak out. The fact is that more than ten denominations allow clergy to perform same sex marriages; it's the state that discriminates against some of the marriages I perform.

*Cable stations joined the networks in rejecting the new ads by the United Church of Christ that support full inclusion and welcome for all people. Join their protest. The Religious Institute asks the stations, "how is it too political to open church doors to everyone?"

*The Religious Institute applauds Rev. John I. Jenkins, the President of Notre Dame, who decided to reverse his earlier decision and allow the continuation of the Vagina Monologues and a gay film festival on campus. We applaud his courage in bringing sexuality issues to the campus for open dialog and discussion.

*We are deeply saddened by the news of yet another government official arrested for soliciting minors on the Internet. The Religious Institute strongly supports efforts to prevent the exploitation and abuse of children and teenagers, and encourages faith based communities to become more proactive in keeping children safe. See our new resource, "A Time to Heal." Homeland Security indeed.

I'm off to upstate New York to lead a workshop on safe congregations and to preach on Sunday. Have a blessed weekend. Let me know what you think of this new feature.

Happy 5th Anniversary Religious Institute!

Today is the 5th anniversary of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing. Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield and I co-founded the Religious Institute to promote the vision of the Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing.

I'm very aware that most new not-for-profit organizations do not make it to their fifth anniversary. Here's some of what we've accomplished:

*The network of the Religious Institute has grown to almost 2500 religious leaders from more than 40 religious traditions.

*We have published theological frameworks on sex education, marriage equality, and abortion.

*We have given over 150 talks on sexuality and religion, reaching close to 10o,000 people.

*We have published three guidebooks on aspects of sexual health for congregations, and a national study of youth development in faith-based communities.

*We have appeared regularly in the media as progressive religious spokespersons on sexuality issues, including such venues as CNN, NPR, New York Times, Washington Post, Christian Science Monitor, Time, and US News and World Report.

*We have provided courses for seminarians at Meadville-Lombard, Union Theological Seminary, and the Yale Divinity School.

There is of course so much more for us to do. But, for today, I'm going to take a moment to be thankful -- thankful to first Larry Greenfield and now Steve Clapp for being my day-to- day partners, to Kate Ott and Coralie Meade for their ongoing services, to the foundations and the donors who support our work but more importantly our vision, and to the religious leaders and congregations who have opened their hearts and doors and who speak out for sexual health, education, and justice in faith communities and society. You are indeed "Pastors for Sexual Health, Prophets for Sexual Justice."

Happy Anniversary!

Tom DeLay's Resignation

I first learned about Tom DeLay when he introduced a Congressional Resolution condemning SIECUS, the organization I directed from 1988 - 2000. I think he had been in office a month. At the time he was a freshman Congressman from Texas; I've watched with horror as he climbed the ranks of House leadership and used his office to consistently attack sexual and reproductive justice.

I was not surprised to discover that he had engaged in unethical, immoral conduct while in office. So many times the so called "moral leaders" of the right are found lacking in their own moral decision-making. They find it easier to limit our rights to make our own private decisions to limiting their own excesses.

There's nothing new about this, of course. Perhaps he missed those verses about taking the log out of your eye or throwing the first stone. It's a reminder we all need.

Morning chapel at Yale

I'm a Visiting Professor at the Yale Divinity School this semester, teaching a course called "Sexuality Issues for Religious Professionals." Today, my students led worship in Marquand Chapel for the Yale community.

The word indeed became flesh. All of the work we've been doing this semester came together. They broke the silence that so often exists in our churches about sexuality. They prayed, they quoted sex positive Scripture, they preached their own stories of silence in the church.

Emily Scott ended her prayer this way,

Holy Spirit, breathe among us.
Move us to do God's work.
So many of your children experience pain and brokenness
Associated with sexuality....
We are religious leaders.
If we do not speak to this pain and brokenness, no one will.

God, help us to do your work in the world, as embodied people,
Made in your likeness.

The closing hymn they chose was "Spirit I Have Heard You Calling." Tears rolled down my face as we sang,

Spirit, I have heard you calling...
I have heard you in my longing,
I have heard you in my pain.
Now, I feel you moving in me,
Feel you burning like a flame...

Now your love defines my longing,
Now your love shines through my pain,
Now we dance in endless union,
Singing out creation's name.

The opportunity to teach seminary students about sexuality and to witness their gifts of ministry unfold in this area is a precious blessing. The Religious Declaration ends, "God rejoices when we celebrate our sexuality with holiness and integrity." Surely God rejoiced this morning.

Challenging the Religious Right on the Air

On Sunday at 5:30 pm EST, I will be the featured commentator on Air America's "State of Belief." This new show is sponsored by The Interfaith Alliance to bring progressive religious voices into the public square. I'm honored to have been asked to talk about the work of the Religious Institute. You can listen live on the radio or online, or on Monday, you can download the show or my commentary as a podcast. Goodness, my first blogs and first podcast all in the same month! Here's an excerpt.

Organized religion has contributed to the cultural confusion about sexuality. Many of us grew up in faith communities that taught that our sexual feelings were wrong. We may have learned that homosexuality, masturbation, premarital sex, or even pleasure is wrong. Or our religion may have simply been silent about sexuality, ignoring the intimate connection between sexuality and spirituality.

But that’s changing. There is a growing movement in the United States to reclaim the authentic religious voice that affirms our sexuality as one of God’s most life fulfilling and life sustaining gifts. It is a movement that is firmly based in Scripture and religious tradition.

Almost 2500 clergy and theologians from more than 40 religious denominations have endorsed the Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing. These faith leaders advocate for full inclusion of women and sexual minorities, sexuality education, and sexual and reproductive rights.

We are challenging the so-called morality of the Religious Right, asking is it moral to coerce women into carrying a pregnancy to term? Is it moral to deny young people life saving information? Is it moral to tell committed couples that they cannot marry or gays and lesbians that they are not welcome in our pulpits? The answer is a resounding "NO."

TUNE IN. And don't forget to change your clocks.

Criteria for a Moral Sexual Relationship

At my talk at Vanderbilt on Tuesday night, I outlined my five criteria for a moral sexual relationship in response to a question. The Religious Declaration calls for a new sexual ethic based on personal relationships and social justice, not specific sexual acts, but that can be hard to operationalize.

And so I've developed these five criteria, that I suggest people remember as CUHMP or "Can you have my pleasure?" I teach them at schools, colleges, churches, and nursing homes.

I believe that a moral sexual relationship is:

Consensual

Non-Exploitative (that's where the U comes in, for Not Using)

Honest

Mutually Pleasurable

Protected (against pregnancy and disease if any type of intercourse is to occur.)

And then I ask audiences what they need to know to assure that these criteria are met. The most typical answers are Time, Communication, and Shared Values.

These criteria apply if you are 18 or 45 or 85, if you are gay, straight, or bisexual, if you are married or single. The question to ask you today is "Do they apply to you?"

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

Good News From the South!

Last night, I gave the annual Margaret Cuninggim Lecture to a full auditorium of students, faculty, and staff at Vanderbilt University. I was a bit hesitant about accepting the invitation because my talks about sexuality and religion haven’t always gone well in the South. At a talk a year ago in Georgia, the first questioner said something like, “I don’t know what kind of minister you are, I don’t know what Bible you read, and I don’t know what church would hire you. I’ve never been so offended in my whole life.” A woman followed me into the elevator after that talk demanding to know if I had been saved.

Well, I am happy to report that this talk was warmly received. I told them I was there to talk about the “gospel of sexuality and religion.” As you know, the word gospel literally means the good news, and I shared with them the good news about the growing religious movement to affirm sexuality as a life fulfilling gift and the progress we are making on affirming sexual justice in faith communities. I told the organizers afterwards that I felt a little of my “southaphobia” (the irrational fear that New Englanders and New Yorkers feel about going to the south) ease away.

It also helped going into the speech to know that on Monday night, the Mississippi legislature had defeated a bill to outlaw abortion in the state. Emboldened by South Dakota (see posts below), Mississippi and eight other states introduced abortion bans. We can have successes, even in the South!

I return to Connecticut feeling re-energized. When 150 people in Tennessee respond positively to a message of sexual justice and Mississippi legislators resist the pressure to roll back women’s rights, I find hope. The vase on my desk of newly cut daffodils from my yard helps that feeling of rebirth!

MEDIA ALERT: I will be a featured commentator on "State of Belief" on Air America this Sunday at 5 p.m. Eastern time. On Monday, you can check their web site to hear the show. It’s also available at the itunes music store.

Television Networks Reject UCC Ads Again -- Speak Out!

The United Church of Christ is one of the most forward thinking denominations on sexual justice, and they need your help TODAY.

You may remember that last year they produced these great tv ads welcoming all kinds of people to their faith communities and that all of the networks rejected it. Well, it has happened again. They released new ads today (that you can see at their web site) and ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, and the WB network have refused to run them. Now, to be clear, the UCC wants to pay for these ads; they are not public service announcements, and the networks won't take their money. They say they are too controversial, presumably because they offer welcome to gays and lesbians. Yet, these same networks think nothing of continuing to provide forums on their news shows to religious right leaders while ignoring progressive religious voices.

They have a new petition to the networks and they are seeking signatures. Do it now, while you are thinking about it. It took me less than a minute. Consider it your mitzvah for today.

New Poll Shows People of Faith Support Sexual Rights -- Today's Good News!

Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "The arc of the universe bends to moral justice."

A recent poll by the Pew Research Center found most Americans disapprove of the South Dakota abortion ban and demonstrate increasing support for gay and lesbian rights. Strong opposition to gay marriage has fallen to a new low of 33% compared to 58% before the 2004 elections, and 60% of the American public now favors gays and lesbians serving openly in the military. Almost half of Americans now favor adoptions by gay people, up significantly since 1999.

And we're happy to report that people of faith support these principles. According to the report, "White Catholics and non-evangelical Protestants are half as likely to strongly oppose gay marriage today as they were in 2004", and only 56% of white evangelicals strongly oppose marriage equality, down 9% in one year. A majority of White and Black Protestants and Catholics oppose South Dakota's draconian abortion ban becoming a national model, as do one third of White evangelicals.

Despite what press reports and the Religious Right would have us believe, people of faith support sexual justice. It makes me think of that old bumper sticker, "The Moral Majority is Neither."

A lighter look at sexuality

I'm tired of being upset by events in the world this week, and I did a eulogy at a funeral today. So, I thought I'd end this week with a lighter note.

Let me introduce you to the Story People by Brian Andreas. He's a wonderful artist and story teller, and every day you can get a "Story of the Day" delivered to your inbox.

This week, they sent this story:

I read somewhere that if given a choice between sex and peace of mind, she said, most people would choose peace. Personally, I said, I do fine with a little anxiety.

Kudos to him for celebrating the joy of sexuality. You can receive a story in your inbox each day at www.storypeople.com Of course, you can receive this blog in your inbox each day too! Have a great weekend!

March Madness Redux

Actually, I'm not talking about basketball. I'm talking about the craziness that is going on in state legislatures this March on sexual rights. Legislatures in 11 states are debating bans on abortions and in 9 states, they are debabating adoptions by gay people.

In my home state of Connecticut this week, the Public Health Committee let a bill die that would have required hospitals to offer emergency contraception to rape victims. That's right, in Connecticut, a hospital has the right to not offer medical support to women who have been raped who don't want to carry their rapist's child. What's also distressing is that following pressure from the Catholic church, the committee didn't even begin discussing the scheduled bill until 15 minutes before the deadline for reporting it out of committee. Surely we can expect more serious consideration of the lives and well being of women than that. Surely as people of faith, we must join together to speak out against this madness.

Oh, and on basketball...Go Huskies!

The Bible and Marriage

Perhaps you have had this story circulating on the Internet forwarded to you:

On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis (MARYLAND) at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin, professor of law at AU, was requested to testify. At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?" Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." The room erupted into applause.

I applaud Professor Raskin's turn of a phrase. But, he also could have challenged her notion of what her Bible says about marriage. He could have asked her "What about Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar? Or Isaac, Rachel, Leah, Bilhah, and Zilpah? Or Solomon and his hundreds of wives of concubines? Or New Testament prohibitions against divorce or advice to wives to be subservient to their husbands?"

The fact is that although Scripture offers many biblical models for blessed relationships, we cannot rely exclusively on Scripture for understanding marriage today. Indeed, Scripture neither commends a single marriage model nor commands all to marry, but rather calls for love and justice in all relationships.

For a theological framework for marriage equality, visit www.religiousinstitute.org and view the Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality.

Religiophobia

I spoke to a group of faculty and students today at the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University. My original career training was in public health, and twenty five years ago, I probably would have shared the skepticism that some brought to this session with an ordained minister. I talked with them about why public health programs, including sexual and reproductive health programs, should see faith communities as important partners.

I introduced them to a word I created a few years ago, "religiophobia", the fear of religion that often characterizes the attitude of people working in the sexual health and rights field. Now, unlike homophobia or gynephobia, that fear may not be irrational. Many of the people working in sexual rights have had negative experiences concerning their sexuality in faith communities, and many are bone weary of fighting the Religious Right.

Yet, as I shared with them, there are many major mainstream religious denominations that support sexuality education, abortion rights, and marriage equality and tens of thousands of religious leaders who are working for sexual justice.

Their response was cautious but enthusiastic. And as often happens, a few people stopped at the end of the program to ask me for information about how they might find a faith community that addresses these issues. I guess you could call me an evangelical!

PS If you'd like a copy of today's powerpoint on "Reaching Out to Faith Communities" drop us an email.

Sex in the Bible -- the Really Good News!

I preached this morning at a church in White Plains, NY on sexuality and religion, and I used Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 as my text. These two chapters set the stage for the very positive sexuality messages that you can find in Scripture.

In the first chapter of Genesis, it says, God created “humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them, male and female, He created them.” The very first commandment that God offers these new humans: “be fruitful and multiply.” In other words, GO HAVE SEX. And then God surveying his humans, declares "it was very good."

In Genesis 2, God is displeased for the first time because God recognizes that “it is not good for man to be alone” and sets out to find Adam a companion. God brings each of the animals forward to Adam, and suggests it as a companion. Adam rejects them all. It is only then that God puts Adam to sleep to create woman. The centrality of sexuality is emphasized in the last line of the chapter: “Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife and they become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed.” The goal of union in Genesis 2 is sexual pleasure; procreation is not mentioned in this account of creation.

Side by side, the two first texts of the Bible emphasize the equality of men and women, recognize that we need companions and helpers in life, affirm sexuality as both procreative and re-creative, teach that our bodies are good and shame is bad, and tell us that God is pleased to offer this gift. Really -- read it for yourself!

Stay tuned for more about what the Bible really says about sexuality.

Ministry and Sex Therapy

I'm just back from the meeting of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research annual meetings. It may not surprise you that I was one of only two ministers at the meeting. But given the high incidence of sexual dysfunctions Americans face -- did you know that one in three men and four in ten women report some problem in their sex life in the past year? -- and the low number of people seeking help from therapists and doctors, it seems to me that clergy are ideally positioned to help people with their sexual and relationship issues. How many people in our congregations must struggle with sexual issues that clergy are reluctant or ill prepared to address. If sexuality is one of God's most life giving and life fulling gifts, shouldn't we have the information and skills to celebrate it with holiness and integrity?

If you are looking for a certified sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. If you'd like to learn of a sex positive clergy person in your area, leave me a comment here or at our website.

Keeping Children Safe in Faith Communities

Everyone knows the stories of child molestation in the Catholic Church, but the reality is that children are abused in congregations of all denominations. And too few churches, synagogues and mosques have actively considered how to keep children safe.

Today, I worked with a group of ten ministers from congregations in Connecticut, New York, and Pennsylvania on developing policies to protect children and vulnerable adults from sexual abuse and harassment and to determine under what circumstances, if any, a convicted or confused sex offender can be involved in the congregation. The workshop was based on my books Balancing Acts and A Time to Heal: Protecting Children and Ministering to Sex Offenders.

I'm always a little surprised how many myths people have about child sexual abuse. The culture emphasizes stranger danger, when the reality is that 9 in 10 children who are abused know the abuser well; in the case of girls, it's most likely an adult male who is a family friend - for boys, in 45% of the cases it's a teenage girl. And most of these ministers, like most people in the general public, vastly overestimate the number of people who will reoffend. According to a Department of Justice report of 61 studies, less than 13% of offenders who have received treatment will reoffend. Congregations can provide people with a community of support and accountability if they are willing to limit their involvement to adult worship and adult education and sign a written agreement.

Every faith community has an obligation to make a commitment to keep children safe -- from the person who is know to have a history of molesting children and from those whose sexual attraction to children is unknown to anyone but themselves. Half a million children are sexually abused each year -- faith based communities must begin to play a greater role in prevention of this social and public health crisis.

PS I will be at conferences the next three days, and won't be posting new entries until Monday. But, why not go to our web site and read our latest newsletter?

Taking care of the orphan

The Washington Post ran an article in Sunday's paper titled, "Why Courts Are Adopting Gay Parenting", detailing the latest assault on sexual minorities: attempts in nine states to ban adoptions by people who are gay or lesbian.

There are nearly three quarters of a million children in the United States waiting to be adopted or in foster care. Those working for these adoption bans irresponsibly and inaccurately claim that children are hurt by living with two same sex parents, and therefore, children will remain within the foster care system rather than go to loving families, where the adults happen to be gay. They say they are acting out of their religious beliefs.

Scripture calls us to take care of the widow and the orphan in dozens of passages; for example, Exodus 22:21 says, "You shall not ill-treat any widow or orphan." So, here's my proposal to the religous right on this one: before you can gather one more name on your petitions to ban adoptions by a gay person, file to adopt a child. Become a foster parent. Make sure that every child in this country has a home. Then, and only then, can you begin to acting morally.

P.S. Let's nip the use of the term "gay parenting" in the bud. I don't do "straight parenting." Parents who are gay and lesbian don't "gay parent"; they parent with love and struggles, just like the rest of us. Who we are sexually attracted to or involved with doesn't really enter into it.

The White House war on science

I have a love/hate relationship with The New Yorker. I love "The Talk of the Town", rush to read the cartoons, and even enjoy the clever ads. But, I often don't have time to do more than skim the articles which almost always seem to me about four pages too long, and they have a tendency to pile up in our living room, a reminder of how little time I really have after motherhood, writing, and ministry.

But, I want to encourage you to try to read every word in Michael Specter's article in the March 13, 2006 issue, "The White House vs. the laboratory." It is a thoughtful, well researched article on the Bush administration's war on science, particularly science around contraception, emergency contraception, effective sexuality education programs, and stem cell research. He writes that this administration is vehemently and boldly opposed to "any drug, vaccine, or initiative that could be interpreted as lessening the risks associated with premarital sex."

Specter in part says this is the result of religous influences in the White House. What he does not include in this otherwise excellent article are progressive religious voices decrying the politicalization of science. There is nothing moral or ethical or religious about denying information about condoms and other contraception, withholding drugs that should be approved, and restricting research that can save lives.

So, how come they left off sex?

Yesterday's New York Times had a full page ad from a group I hadn't heard of, The Campaign to Defend the Constitution. In case you didn't see it, the ad featured pictures of Ralph Reed, Louis Sheldon, and James Dobson, and says that they are "knee deep in the muck of the Jack Abramoff scandal." The ad is headlined, "These Religious Leaders Have A Serious Gambling Problem."

Now, I'm delighted that this organization has the tens of thousands of dollars needed to pay for a NY Times ad to oppose the religious right. But I'm concerned that the ad, in discussing these leaders work "to intrude in our personal lives", mention only the Terry Schiavo case and stem cell research. How is it that they decided not to include these leaders' concerted campaigns against comprehensive sexuality education, abortion rights, civil and religious rights for sexual minorities, emergency contraception, vaccine development, and so on?

Could it be that they were advised that sexual justice issues might be too controversial for NY Times readers whereas stem cell and right-to-die are not? The omission is even more curious because the email that they are asking you to send mentions both abortion and gay rights.

Breaking the silence about sexuality and advocating for sexual justice in the public square is a core part of the mission of the Religious Institute. Defcon, if you are brave enough to launch this campaign, surely you can be courageous enough to stand in your ads against the Religious Right's attacks on sexual rights.

Today is International Women's Day

My daughter in Hanoi told me this morning that International Women's Day in Viet Nam was a major holiday. I wonder if most U.S.-based people reading this even know that March 8 is International Women's Day.

This stunning photo dramatically illustrates that around the world pregnancy is still a leading cause of women's mortality. Yet, the Bush administration has just proposed sweeping cuts to family planning programs in its 2007 budget.

Today, a group of religious leaders will be holding a worship service in Washington, D.C. to commemorate International Women's Day. You can join their call for adequate funding for global women's health by supporting the Focus on Female Health Worldwide Act. And you can join our call for full inclusion of women in the world's religions, a goal we have yet to meet.

Rest in peace, Dana Reeves

One of the challenges of being a new blogger is choosing what to write about. I could write today about the governor of South Dakota signing the law to make abortion illegal or the article in the New York Times about gay/straight marriages.

But, I've spent the day thinking about Dana Reeves untimely death at 44 last night. Dana and Christopher Reeves were members of my church, the Unitarian Church in Westport. My colleague and senior minister, Frank Hall, visited with Dana regularly this past year. She inspired us with her courage, her fortitude, her devotion to her husband after the accident. They both spoke eloquently about what finding Unitarian Universalism meant to them.

I only met her a few times but I feel myself grieving today. And I am reminded, again, that we should never ever envy those with celebrity or money or privilege; that life can change in the instant of a medical diagnosis or an accident; that this life is not a dress rehearsal and we must each live as well as we can each day; that we are called to love, really love each other. May today be such a day.

It's hard to be a....

If you've read either of my books for parents, you know that I suggest parents use "teachable moments" to bring up sexuality issues with children and to introduce their own family values.

Tonight, my twelve year old son and I were in the car, listening to "Marketplace" on NPR. First, they covered today's Supreme Court decision to require law schools to allow military recruiters on campus if they wanted to receive any federal funding, regardless of their opposition to the "don't ask, don't tell policy." The interviewer said the story was about "homosexuals in uniform" and "avowed homosexuals." Greg had no idea that they meant soldiers (and I had images of gay pride parades) and we talked about whether there were "avowed heterosexuals." The next story was on the Governor of South Dakota signing the abortion ban (see story below.)

And then there was the story about last night's Oscar for best song, "It's hard to be a pimp." As the catchy song played in the background, I asked Greg if he knew what a pimp was. He did. And then I talked about my concern about hip hop's misogynist lyrics and how sex workers were often abused by the men refered to in the song.

As we got out of the car, I realized we were both humming the tune. "Honey," I said. "I really don't want those lyrics in our heads." We decided to change the words into an animal rights refrain, "It's hard to be a chimp."

Parents some times tell me they have a hard time finding teachable moments; next time, I'll tell them to listen to NPR.

And the winner is...

It doesn't really matter who the winners will be. What's important to me is that so many of the films nominated for tonight's Oscars celebrate sexual diversity. The Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing callls for full inclusion of sexual minorities in congregational life and in society at large. It's easy to get discouraged by denominational struggles over if and how to include gays and lesbians in the life of the church. This June at least three Protestant denominations will be voting on reports on sexual orientation at their General Assemblies. But while the churches struggle, society is changing. It's hard to imagine even five years ago that the Academy Awards would feature loving films about lifelong love between two men and the struggles of an M to F transsexual or that so many straight A list actors would be willing to portray GLBT people. It felt brave when Tom Hanks played a person with AIDS in Philadelphia; if not quite commonplace, this year's stunning performances seem less so. Yes, I'm routing for Felicity Huffman and Brokeback Mountain, but those are artistic choices not political ones.

So what would God want in a new town?

My husband just forwarded me a news story from CNN. It seems that Domino Pizza's founder Thomas S. Monaghan is investing $250 million to build a town in Florida where there will be no birth control, no abortion providers, no sexual content on television, and no racy magazines in stores. He says that it is "God's will?"

They are building a megachurch in the center of the town with what is being said to be the world's largest crucifix. I wonder about their plans for schools, day care centers, health facilities, libraries, senior citizen centers, soup kitchens, and homeless shelters. Oh, they don't have them yet....

It's hard to take seriously that Mr. Monaghan thinks that God's will is about policing a town's sex lives...rather than taking care of the most vulnerable, most needy among us. Think what $250 million might provide in services to those in need.

Want to do something? Make a commitment to never buy Domino's again.

Love the enemy?

I'm just returning from Concord, MA, where I led two sessions for parents on talking to their children and teenagers about sexuality, based on my books, "From Diapers to Dating" and "Beyond the Big Talk." More than 150 parents attended and based on book sales and conversations after the talks, the talks were very well received.

I generally talk for about 45 minutes and then answer questions for 45 minutes. Most of the questions are parents presenting real life situations and seeking advice and counsel. But some times people have other agendas. Last night, one older woman asked my opinion of gay/straight alliances at schools, saying that she thought they lured kids into being gay who might otherwise not be.

This morning, another woman said, "So, you think kindergarteners should be taught about condoms in school?" I answered, "No, perhaps you misunderstood when I said that if a small child picks up a condom in your bedroom and says what's this, you should just answer simply, "it's a condom". But, what small children can understand is that every child should be loved and wanted and that people can decide the number of children they want to have." "Oh," she replied, "you want us to talk to five year olds about condoms." I quietly asked the group if that's what they heard me say...they responded it was not. And then I quietly told her I wouldn't let her put words in my mouth, and that there was a difference between a parent answering a child's question and the school curriculum.

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to see a letter to the editor in the Concord Journal taking on the parent coalition for bringing me to Concord. The letter said, among other things, "advocates for child sexual perversion have no place in our community."

The sex education advocate part of me responds with fury and hurt. How dare they label my work this way? And the minister part of me responds, "love thine enemy, love thine enemy, love thine enemy." I take a deep breath and wonder at how these women had their sexuality so broken that they couldn't hear my message that every parent needs to give their children THEIR values about sexuality and that parents must step up to their responsibility to educate their own children about these issues. LOVE THEM...but also make sure that the real story of my message to the parents of Concord is told.

Three Quarters in Poll Support Adoption by Same Sex Couples

In my first career, I was trained as a public health professional, and so I know the difference between good research and convenience samples. I know that Internet polls don't really tell us anything, but which group is more organized about getting the word out to its constituency to vote.

Still, I felt heartened to vote and see the results in a USA Today poll this morning about adoption by same sex couples. 73% of the people who've taken the poll support such adoption, despite the numerous states that are trying to legislate bans against it. Now, I suppose it's possible that folks on the right just haven't heard about this poll, but isn't it more optimistic to think that the American public understands that "love makes a family" and that sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with good parenting? If you want to weigh in, take a minute to answer the poll question!

I've just replaced my 10 year old car with a new car and I've been debating whether to put my favorite bumper sticker on it's pristine back bumper. It's from the Unitarian Universalist Association, and it says, "We are all family and We all have value." I think I have to!