Happy New Year to you all.
Here are my top 10 predictions on sexuality, religion, and public life for 2012. Tell me what you think!
10. The Republican candidate for President will run on an unambiguous anti-choice platform.
Regardless of who the candidate is, this isn't too much of a stretch. All of the candidates in the Republican race are anti-choice; the only question is HOW anti-choice the candidate will be. Rick Santorum, who came in second in the Iowa Caucuses, even would be willing to let availability of contraception become a state issue.
9. The White House will disappoint pro-choice supporters, again. We will see a return to more pronouncements about reducing the numbers of abortions rather than the NEED for abortion.
Despite assurances from the White House that they are pro-choice, in 2011, the Secretary of DHHS stopped Plan B from being available without a prescription to adolescents and access to abortion was stripped from health care reform. The White House will continue to reach out to conservative voters by not standing strong on access to abortion services.
8. The Republican candidate for President will be anti-full equality for LGBT persons and will speak out against same sex marriage. See my comments under #10. It is only a matter of degree.
7. The President will NOT support same sex marriage in 2012. Despite being the most pro-lgbt President in history, the President in courting conservative voters will not speak out for marriage equality -- despite what I believe must be his support in his heart.
6. Several major political and/or religious figures will be involved in extramarital sex that will be exposed publicly. In 2011, we learned about Anthony Weiner and Herman Cain and more than we cared to about John Edward's bad decisions and actions. It will keep happening in 2012.
5. Child sexual abuse in faith communities, universities, and schools will continue to be exposed -- and continue to happen. Despite -- or maybe because of - - the national teachable moment on Penn State, more allegations of child sexual abuse by people in authority will be revealed. I hope that more attention will be paid to child sexual abuse PREVENTION in 2012.
4. The issue of full inclusion of lesbian and gays will continue to be debated in mainstream denominations, and The United Methodist Church General Assembly will be focused on this issue. I fear that once again The United Methodist Church will narrowly defeat changing its position on homosexuality to one of greater inclusion and welcome.
3. Marriage equality will continue to move forward in 2012. The American electorate will continue to support marriage equality in increasing numbers. Washington State will pass marriage equality, following yesterday's support by its governor. Attempts to roll back marriage equality will not be successful.
2. The teenage birth rate, which reached its lowest level in 2011 in 70 years, will continue to decrease. Teenagers will continue to act more responsibly about their sexuality, as they have increasingly done in the past decade.
1. Progressive religious voices that support sexual justice will continue to grow in the public debate. More and more religious leaders will speak out for sexual health, sexuality education, and full inclusion of women and LGBT people in 2012 -- at least if the Religious Institute has anything to do about it. More seminaries will meet the criteria of a sexually healthy seminary, more denominations will require sexuality education of their clergy candidates, and more congregations will address sexual health. Stay tuned for progress on this one.
Happy New Year!!
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
10th Day of Christmas -- Why Do Unitarian Universalists Celebrate Christmas
On Christmas Eve this year, I offered a homily on Jesus at the Unitarian Church in Westport. That might not be unusual in most churches on Christmas Eve, but it's the first time, I've devoted a sermon to exploring who Jesus might be to Unitarian Universalists, who Jesus is to me, a Jewish Unitarian Universalist minister.
On this 10th day of Christmas, I offer excerpts of it here to you:
The most frequent question I am asked after I give the elevator speech on Unitarian Universalism, is “Do Unitarians celebrate Xmas?” When I answer “yes”, the next question often is “why would Unitarians celebrate the birth of Jesus?”
Or, do we celebrating the birth of Jesus? After all, most of us reject the ideas that we’ve been reading and singing about tonight – agreeing with the historical view of the Jesus Seminar, that “Jesus was not born of a virgin, not born of David’s lineage, not born in Bethlehem, that there was no stable, no shepherds, no star, no Magi, no massacre of the infants, and no flight into Egypt.” We also know that December 25th is an arbitrary date for Jesus’ birth, chosen some time in the fourth century.
So what are we doing here? For those of you from Christian backgrounds, the answer may be rooted in your family traditions and memories of past Christmases. Many of us love the Christmas traditions, the carols, the tree, the lights, and yes, church on Christmas Eve. For some of us from non-Christian backgrounds, including those of us who earlier tonight may have celebrated Chanukah in our homes, it may be the chance to share in what is now largely an American holiday, or to acknowledge that our more recently adopted Unitarian Universalist identity is rooted in Jewish and Christian tradition. Most of us are also here to celebrate the magic we make here on this night with its bells, candles, songs, family, and our beloved community.
But, I’d like to think that for many of us it does have to do with Jesus…not the Christ, but Jesus the mystic, rabbi, teacher, prophet and exemplar.
Now I didn’t know much about Jesus growing up. I’ve told you about how in second grade, bullied by my Catholic classmates into learning the catechism, I went home and asked my parents, “how come you haven’t told me about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?” I remember being called a “Christ killer” by a fellow third grader and being completely confused. I remember being puzzled by the flowing haired picture of Jesus in some of my friend’s living room – a picture that was referred to in seminary as the Breck boy Jesus – often next to pictures of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. “Jesus Christ” was also a swear word used in my home; when a grown up was really upset, they might even say, “Jesus Christ Almighty.” The irony of my parent’s using that as an expletive with no context was lost on them and me.
I frankly wasn’t interested and when I think back about it, surprisingly uncurious about who this Jesus was and why he was important to so many. I didn’t really learn about Jesus until I started divinity school in 1996, when a professor suggested that I read the New Testament before I began his course in Christology. He suggested that I read it like I was reading it for the first time; the reality was that I was! Growing up I’m quite certain my Jewish parents would have preferred finding pornography in my room rather than a New Testament.
I liked much of what I read about Jesus in the New Testament – Jesus who stood up to the oppressors of his time, Jesus who told wonderful stories, Jesus who welcomed everyone and said to “carry one another’s burdens” to fulfill his law and to “love one another just as I have loved you.” When I discovered the work of the Jesus Seminar, a group of theologians and historians who are trying to separate the historical Jesus from the myth, I liked their portrait of Jesus as a revolutionary and humanitarian even more. I remember saying to a Bishop friend of mine, “I think I would have followed Jesus in the original.”
Right after my first semester at divinity school, I was attending a conference that included many evangelical leaders. About 30 people were part of a group discussion on religion and politics in everyday life. Millard Fuller, the President of Habitat for Humanity, was there, and at one point in the discussion, he said:
“I really pray for my Jewish friends. Even though they are good people, I know they are all going to go to hell.”
I was stunned. How could this man who was doing so much good in the world state something so anti-Semitic so boldly? The conversation moved on, but my blood ringing in my ears, I just had to say something. I raised my hand.
“Mr. Fuller, I am just beginning seminary and I am really enjoying learning about your Jesus. But as a person from a Jewish background, when I hear comments like your’s, it makes me want to have nothing to do with the practice of a religion that excludes people like me.”
Hushed silence, like in the old E.F. Hutton commercials. Finally, Rev. Tony Campolo, a leading evangelical theologian, spoke up. He said something like, “You know, Millard she’s right. Remember what Jesus says in Matthew 25 about who will get into the kingdom of heaven: that all will get in who gave me food when I was hungry, drink when I was thirsty, welcomed me when I was a stranger, gave me clothing when I was naked, took care of me when I was sick, and visited me when I was in prison. They answered him, “Lord when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink.” And Jesus responds, “Truly I tell you, just as you did to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” And Tony looked at me and then at Mr. Fuller and said, “I don’t think you need to worry about your Jewish friends.”
It was indeed a Christian moment, in the way that I have to come to understand and love what Jesus stands for. . Loving your neighbor as yourself. Radical hospitality and radical inclusion of all. Speaking truth to power. Taking care of those who are less fortunate. Working together to heal a broken world.
And I believe it is that Jesus we celebrate as Unitarian Universalists on Christmas Eve and that fifteen years into my ministry, I still want to know more about. May we be blessed to follow Jesus’ example and love one another. May together we bless the world. Blessings to you this holiday season. Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas.
And may I add, Happy New Year. All blessings for a healthy, peaceful 2012.
On this 10th day of Christmas, I offer excerpts of it here to you:
The most frequent question I am asked after I give the elevator speech on Unitarian Universalism, is “Do Unitarians celebrate Xmas?” When I answer “yes”, the next question often is “why would Unitarians celebrate the birth of Jesus?”
Or, do we celebrating the birth of Jesus? After all, most of us reject the ideas that we’ve been reading and singing about tonight – agreeing with the historical view of the Jesus Seminar, that “Jesus was not born of a virgin, not born of David’s lineage, not born in Bethlehem, that there was no stable, no shepherds, no star, no Magi, no massacre of the infants, and no flight into Egypt.” We also know that December 25th is an arbitrary date for Jesus’ birth, chosen some time in the fourth century.
So what are we doing here? For those of you from Christian backgrounds, the answer may be rooted in your family traditions and memories of past Christmases. Many of us love the Christmas traditions, the carols, the tree, the lights, and yes, church on Christmas Eve. For some of us from non-Christian backgrounds, including those of us who earlier tonight may have celebrated Chanukah in our homes, it may be the chance to share in what is now largely an American holiday, or to acknowledge that our more recently adopted Unitarian Universalist identity is rooted in Jewish and Christian tradition. Most of us are also here to celebrate the magic we make here on this night with its bells, candles, songs, family, and our beloved community.
But, I’d like to think that for many of us it does have to do with Jesus…not the Christ, but Jesus the mystic, rabbi, teacher, prophet and exemplar.
Now I didn’t know much about Jesus growing up. I’ve told you about how in second grade, bullied by my Catholic classmates into learning the catechism, I went home and asked my parents, “how come you haven’t told me about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?” I remember being called a “Christ killer” by a fellow third grader and being completely confused. I remember being puzzled by the flowing haired picture of Jesus in some of my friend’s living room – a picture that was referred to in seminary as the Breck boy Jesus – often next to pictures of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. “Jesus Christ” was also a swear word used in my home; when a grown up was really upset, they might even say, “Jesus Christ Almighty.” The irony of my parent’s using that as an expletive with no context was lost on them and me.
I frankly wasn’t interested and when I think back about it, surprisingly uncurious about who this Jesus was and why he was important to so many. I didn’t really learn about Jesus until I started divinity school in 1996, when a professor suggested that I read the New Testament before I began his course in Christology. He suggested that I read it like I was reading it for the first time; the reality was that I was! Growing up I’m quite certain my Jewish parents would have preferred finding pornography in my room rather than a New Testament.
I liked much of what I read about Jesus in the New Testament – Jesus who stood up to the oppressors of his time, Jesus who told wonderful stories, Jesus who welcomed everyone and said to “carry one another’s burdens” to fulfill his law and to “love one another just as I have loved you.” When I discovered the work of the Jesus Seminar, a group of theologians and historians who are trying to separate the historical Jesus from the myth, I liked their portrait of Jesus as a revolutionary and humanitarian even more. I remember saying to a Bishop friend of mine, “I think I would have followed Jesus in the original.”
Right after my first semester at divinity school, I was attending a conference that included many evangelical leaders. About 30 people were part of a group discussion on religion and politics in everyday life. Millard Fuller, the President of Habitat for Humanity, was there, and at one point in the discussion, he said:
“I really pray for my Jewish friends. Even though they are good people, I know they are all going to go to hell.”
I was stunned. How could this man who was doing so much good in the world state something so anti-Semitic so boldly? The conversation moved on, but my blood ringing in my ears, I just had to say something. I raised my hand.
“Mr. Fuller, I am just beginning seminary and I am really enjoying learning about your Jesus. But as a person from a Jewish background, when I hear comments like your’s, it makes me want to have nothing to do with the practice of a religion that excludes people like me.”
Hushed silence, like in the old E.F. Hutton commercials. Finally, Rev. Tony Campolo, a leading evangelical theologian, spoke up. He said something like, “You know, Millard she’s right. Remember what Jesus says in Matthew 25 about who will get into the kingdom of heaven: that all will get in who gave me food when I was hungry, drink when I was thirsty, welcomed me when I was a stranger, gave me clothing when I was naked, took care of me when I was sick, and visited me when I was in prison. They answered him, “Lord when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink.” And Jesus responds, “Truly I tell you, just as you did to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” And Tony looked at me and then at Mr. Fuller and said, “I don’t think you need to worry about your Jewish friends.”
It was indeed a Christian moment, in the way that I have to come to understand and love what Jesus stands for. . Loving your neighbor as yourself. Radical hospitality and radical inclusion of all. Speaking truth to power. Taking care of those who are less fortunate. Working together to heal a broken world.
And I believe it is that Jesus we celebrate as Unitarian Universalists on Christmas Eve and that fifteen years into my ministry, I still want to know more about. May we be blessed to follow Jesus’ example and love one another. May together we bless the world. Blessings to you this holiday season. Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas.
And may I add, Happy New Year. All blessings for a healthy, peaceful 2012.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Chanukah: A Celebration of Religous Freedom
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah.
I have to admit that each year I have to remind myself of the details of the historical story. It's more complicated than the nativity story, but just as compelling.
So here it is from last year's blog:
In 167 b.c.e., a Greek leader named Antiochus attempted to institute a Greek state religion. He ordered the takeover of the temple in Jerusalem, had a statute of Zeus built on its altar, and called for ritual sacrifice there and in other Jewish temples throughout the countryside. Mattathias killed the first Jew who came forward to offer a sacrifice as well as a state official, and he and his five sons were forced to escape to the hills. Together, they organized first a small band of rebels to resist Antiochus, which grew to a 6000 person army that retook Jerusalem and the Temple.
Three years from the day that Zeus was erected, the 25th of Kislav, Judas Maccabeus and his followers rededicated and purified the Temple in an 8 day celebration. Chanukah has been celebrated more or less continuously for 2,176 years.
According to a very short passage in the Talmud, the Maccabees came into the temple and after purifying it, went to relight the eternal flame. They only had enough oil for one day. Pressing new oil from the olive trees would take another week. Miraculously the oil lasted for the entire eight days.
The Rabbis who wrote the Talmud transformed this historic military battle into a story of God’s miracle and grace to the Jewish people. They moved it from a story based on the facts to a story based on the universal need for faith and hope and redemption. The oil lasting 8 days is a truth story, and most likely not a true story.
Chanukah is a holiday then about religious freedom, diversity, and hope. It's also a reminder that to paraphrase Margaret Mead's famous words, a small group of people can change the world; in fact, it's the only way that happens. As we light the first candles tonight, let us praise the heroes, those who stand up to oppression, and let us rekindle hope in our hearts for everyday miracles.
Happy Chanukah!
I have to admit that each year I have to remind myself of the details of the historical story. It's more complicated than the nativity story, but just as compelling.
So here it is from last year's blog:
In 167 b.c.e., a Greek leader named Antiochus attempted to institute a Greek state religion. He ordered the takeover of the temple in Jerusalem, had a statute of Zeus built on its altar, and called for ritual sacrifice there and in other Jewish temples throughout the countryside. Mattathias killed the first Jew who came forward to offer a sacrifice as well as a state official, and he and his five sons were forced to escape to the hills. Together, they organized first a small band of rebels to resist Antiochus, which grew to a 6000 person army that retook Jerusalem and the Temple.
Three years from the day that Zeus was erected, the 25th of Kislav, Judas Maccabeus and his followers rededicated and purified the Temple in an 8 day celebration. Chanukah has been celebrated more or less continuously for 2,176 years.
According to a very short passage in the Talmud, the Maccabees came into the temple and after purifying it, went to relight the eternal flame. They only had enough oil for one day. Pressing new oil from the olive trees would take another week. Miraculously the oil lasted for the entire eight days.
The Rabbis who wrote the Talmud transformed this historic military battle into a story of God’s miracle and grace to the Jewish people. They moved it from a story based on the facts to a story based on the universal need for faith and hope and redemption. The oil lasting 8 days is a truth story, and most likely not a true story.
Chanukah is a holiday then about religious freedom, diversity, and hope. It's also a reminder that to paraphrase Margaret Mead's famous words, a small group of people can change the world; in fact, it's the only way that happens. As we light the first candles tonight, let us praise the heroes, those who stand up to oppression, and let us rekindle hope in our hearts for everyday miracles.
Happy Chanukah!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Rape Is Never A Joke -- and Too Real for Too Many of Us
A new report from the Centers for Disease Control released yesterday found that one in five women report they have been the victim of sexual assault, more than half when they were teenagers.
I'm one of those women.
I was a victim of date rape once at college and once in my early twenties. Except at the time there wasn't a term for "date rape" -- it was more understood as "that's what you get if you are alone with a man in a bedroom." I reported neither. In today's world, I would have reported both.
I'd like to think that in today's world they wouldn't happen -- that young men know that "no means no" and that in the second situation, I would have screamed and fought back sooner.
But the story coming out of the University of Vermont indicates that things may not have changed as much as we'd like to think. A fraternity there did a poll last weekend asking, "who would you like to rape?" Not, who would you like to go out with, get to know, even have sex with, but RAPE. My heart chilled as I read that story.
The young men there have been censured and said it was just a joke. But, rape is never a joke. Just ask one in five women you know.
I'm one of those women.
I was a victim of date rape once at college and once in my early twenties. Except at the time there wasn't a term for "date rape" -- it was more understood as "that's what you get if you are alone with a man in a bedroom." I reported neither. In today's world, I would have reported both.
I'd like to think that in today's world they wouldn't happen -- that young men know that "no means no" and that in the second situation, I would have screamed and fought back sooner.
But the story coming out of the University of Vermont indicates that things may not have changed as much as we'd like to think. A fraternity there did a poll last weekend asking, "who would you like to rape?" Not, who would you like to go out with, get to know, even have sex with, but RAPE. My heart chilled as I read that story.
The young men there have been censured and said it was just a joke. But, rape is never a joke. Just ask one in five women you know.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Herman Cain Round Two: Sex Ed for Politicians
I've written similar blogs before on public figures who find themselves mired in public revelations of their sexual behaviors and relationships.
The list of "men behaving badly" seems almost endless and of both party affiliations, conservative and progressive, straight and gay. It also goes back in time and to the Bible -- just reread David and Bathsheba's story.
The latest allegations that Herman Cain had a thirteen year affair that he ended just as he entered the Presidential race certainly seem plausible to me. Men don't generally make 4:30 am phone calls to women they barely know. More will be revealed.
RH Reality Check asked me to comment, so I dusted off my "Sex Education for Politicians" article (first published here on Eliot Spitzer) and updated it. You can read it here:
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2011/11/29/sex-education-for-politicians-%E2%80%93-herman-cain-edition
It would be great for you to comment there or re post it. Maybe even send it to a public figure you know.
The list of "men behaving badly" seems almost endless and of both party affiliations, conservative and progressive, straight and gay. It also goes back in time and to the Bible -- just reread David and Bathsheba's story.
The latest allegations that Herman Cain had a thirteen year affair that he ended just as he entered the Presidential race certainly seem plausible to me. Men don't generally make 4:30 am phone calls to women they barely know. More will be revealed.
RH Reality Check asked me to comment, so I dusted off my "Sex Education for Politicians" article (first published here on Eliot Spitzer) and updated it. You can read it here:
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2011/11/29/sex-education-for-politicians-%E2%80%93-herman-cain-edition
It would be great for you to comment there or re post it. Maybe even send it to a public figure you know.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Blessings for Thanksgiving and a link
Dear friends:
I wanted to share this link with you to the piece I wrote for today's Washington Post.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/what-weve-learned-from-penn-state/2011/11/22/gIQAtPcKmN_blog.html
It's more about what I think we've learned from the sex abuse scandals at Penn State and now Syracuse University -- as well as abuse by clergy.
But, today is also an opportunity to share my gratitude with you -- for your support, your ideas, your feedback, and your interest in all things sexuality and religion.
May this Thanksgiving you feel gratitude in your heart and in your soul.
May you feel loved and may you love.
May you take the time to share your gratitude with those who ennoble your life.
May it be a day of peace and blessings.
I am grateful for you.
I wanted to share this link with you to the piece I wrote for today's Washington Post.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/what-weve-learned-from-penn-state/2011/11/22/gIQAtPcKmN_blog.html
It's more about what I think we've learned from the sex abuse scandals at Penn State and now Syracuse University -- as well as abuse by clergy.
But, today is also an opportunity to share my gratitude with you -- for your support, your ideas, your feedback, and your interest in all things sexuality and religion.
May this Thanksgiving you feel gratitude in your heart and in your soul.
May you feel loved and may you love.
May you take the time to share your gratitude with those who ennoble your life.
May it be a day of peace and blessings.
I am grateful for you.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
What Penn State Reminds Us About Abuse-Proofing Your Child
The high profile Penn State case of associate football coach Jerry Sandusky abusing children in his care over a ten year period should be shocking, but sounds all too familiar to those of us who work on sexual abuse prevention. Children are primarily abused by adults who know them well; people who abuse children look for opportunities to be with children and groom them as trusted adults getting to know them, as Sandusky did at his center; too many times other adults look the other way.
What is shocking though is to think that when reported, officials perhaps all the way up to Coach Patierno and even perhaps the President looked the other way rather than hurt the football program. I hope that isn't true, but it certainly reminds us of the Roman Catholic Bishops and Cardinals who did just that when faced with allegations against priests.
So, what does this remind us to do? First, to report any adult we suspect of child abuse.
And second, to use this as a teachable moment to 'abuse-proof' your children. Make sure that the programs your children attend -- scouts, soccer, school, church or synagogue -- have a strong policy on keeping children safe, including screening and background checks for volunteers and employees and never being alone with children. Make sure that your child knows that most people would never hurt children, but that an older, bigger, stronger person should never touch a child's genitals. Make sure your child knows that adults don't ask children to be their friends or keep secrets, and that if someone makes them feel bad, funny, or uncomfortable with their touch or their words, they should tell you. Tell them that their body is wonderful, it belongs to them, and that they can say no to unwanted touch. And finally, tell them to come and tell you if someone does touch them. You may not be able to prevent the first case of abuse, but if your child is equipped with language and this information, you can prevent the second.
It's been a week of teachable moments in the news, with Herman Cain and Penn State. I hope you are using them.
(For more ideas on preventing sexual abuse of children, you might want to read my books "From Diapers to Dating" or "What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know."
What is shocking though is to think that when reported, officials perhaps all the way up to Coach Patierno and even perhaps the President looked the other way rather than hurt the football program. I hope that isn't true, but it certainly reminds us of the Roman Catholic Bishops and Cardinals who did just that when faced with allegations against priests.
So, what does this remind us to do? First, to report any adult we suspect of child abuse.
And second, to use this as a teachable moment to 'abuse-proof' your children. Make sure that the programs your children attend -- scouts, soccer, school, church or synagogue -- have a strong policy on keeping children safe, including screening and background checks for volunteers and employees and never being alone with children. Make sure that your child knows that most people would never hurt children, but that an older, bigger, stronger person should never touch a child's genitals. Make sure your child knows that adults don't ask children to be their friends or keep secrets, and that if someone makes them feel bad, funny, or uncomfortable with their touch or their words, they should tell you. Tell them that their body is wonderful, it belongs to them, and that they can say no to unwanted touch. And finally, tell them to come and tell you if someone does touch them. You may not be able to prevent the first case of abuse, but if your child is equipped with language and this information, you can prevent the second.
It's been a week of teachable moments in the news, with Herman Cain and Penn State. I hope you are using them.
(For more ideas on preventing sexual abuse of children, you might want to read my books "From Diapers to Dating" or "What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know."
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Sexual Harassment: Why Herman Cain and The Commentators Don't Get It
As I listened to NPR this morning, I heard a report that Herman Cain said he was having a hard time remembering the details of the accusations (and settling) of sexual harassment charges. A male respondent I heard on CNN had said something like, "that happened twenty years ago; why is it even an issue now?"
I felt my blood boil. I was a victim of sexual harassment by a faculty member in 1976. I remember every minute of it, including having a professor hand me a room key, and finding the note on the door when I next came to my TA job, "your services are no longer needed." I also remember the woman faculty member who I went to saying, "It happens to women; we'll find you another TA job."
I remember exactly how I felt watching Anita Hill testify against Clarence Thomas, and how every detail of my own experience came flooding back. I remember how I felt when there was finally a federal law and definition of sexual harassment, so that future generations of women wouldn't experience what I had.
This week, I did the first required training ever for the staff of a national religious denomination on sexual harassment. Sexual harassment, because of the law, may no longer be as blatant as it was when a faculty member fired me for not having sex with him. But it still exists; workplaces including faith based organizations still need training on sexual harassment prevention; and women and men need to know that they can come forward and be taken seriously.
I'm hoping that Mr. Cain learns that lesson this week.
I felt my blood boil. I was a victim of sexual harassment by a faculty member in 1976. I remember every minute of it, including having a professor hand me a room key, and finding the note on the door when I next came to my TA job, "your services are no longer needed." I also remember the woman faculty member who I went to saying, "It happens to women; we'll find you another TA job."
I remember exactly how I felt watching Anita Hill testify against Clarence Thomas, and how every detail of my own experience came flooding back. I remember how I felt when there was finally a federal law and definition of sexual harassment, so that future generations of women wouldn't experience what I had.
This week, I did the first required training ever for the staff of a national religious denomination on sexual harassment. Sexual harassment, because of the law, may no longer be as blatant as it was when a faculty member fired me for not having sex with him. But it still exists; workplaces including faith based organizations still need training on sexual harassment prevention; and women and men need to know that they can come forward and be taken seriously.
I'm hoping that Mr. Cain learns that lesson this week.
Friday, October 21, 2011
What I Learned on Safari
On Saturday, I returned from a vacation to Kenya. My first visit to Africa was unforgettable, the game parks were lovely and the safari rides thrilling. But, I am haunted by the images of the cities, villages, and reservations we passed through on our way to the game parks.
Like many tourists, we visited a Masai village. We sat in a mud and cow dung constructed hut, little bigger than the office I am writing in now, that housed 10 people in two beds. We watched mothers nursing newborn babies, covered with flies. We were told about teenagers, both boys and girls, going through circumcisions and women having babies attended only by their mothers-in-law. When I asked, I was told that “only” about one in ten women in the village die in childbirth. The cities outside of Nairobi we drove through on barely passable roads were filled with children begging when our 4 by 4 vehicles stopped for traffic, with corrugated aluminum tiny homes dotting the roads.
These so-called optional tourist excursions broke my heart and brought home the reality of the need to address poverty, maternal mortality, and access to family planning. It provided me with a renewed commitment to the Religious Institute’s Rachel Sabbath Initiative to engage religious leaders and faith communities in working for U.S. support to reach the Millennium Goals worldwide.
I know that Kenya is not the poorest country in Africa, and compared with its neighbors, it is relatively peaceful. But, still, one in 38 Kenyan women will die in childbirth, 26% of women will marry before adulthood, and female genital mutilation is still widely practiced.
The average woman in Kenya has six children, while her desired family size is four, although in the Masai village I visited fertility was much higher -- yet this marks substantial progress from an estimated 8.1 children per woman in the late 1960s). Fewer than half of Kenyan couples use contraceptives (46%), although that marks a significant increase compared to the 39 per cent reported in a 2003 study. According to the CIA World Factbook, the urban population in Kenya is “growing at an alarming rate as many Kenyans migrate from their rural homes to urban centers,” which has led to a scarcity of jobs and opportunities.
World population growth stops being an abstract idea when confronted with individuals and whole communities suffering without enough food, shelter, sanitation, health care, and economic opportunities. At the end of this month, the world's population will reach 7 billion. It was 4 billion when I first started working thirty five years ago.
The Bible calls us to be stewards of the earth and caretakers of our neighbors. I hope you’ll join us in rededicating ourselves to living out our faith through renewed action on behalf of all the people of the world.
Like many tourists, we visited a Masai village. We sat in a mud and cow dung constructed hut, little bigger than the office I am writing in now, that housed 10 people in two beds. We watched mothers nursing newborn babies, covered with flies. We were told about teenagers, both boys and girls, going through circumcisions and women having babies attended only by their mothers-in-law. When I asked, I was told that “only” about one in ten women in the village die in childbirth. The cities outside of Nairobi we drove through on barely passable roads were filled with children begging when our 4 by 4 vehicles stopped for traffic, with corrugated aluminum tiny homes dotting the roads.
These so-called optional tourist excursions broke my heart and brought home the reality of the need to address poverty, maternal mortality, and access to family planning. It provided me with a renewed commitment to the Religious Institute’s Rachel Sabbath Initiative to engage religious leaders and faith communities in working for U.S. support to reach the Millennium Goals worldwide.
I know that Kenya is not the poorest country in Africa, and compared with its neighbors, it is relatively peaceful. But, still, one in 38 Kenyan women will die in childbirth, 26% of women will marry before adulthood, and female genital mutilation is still widely practiced.
The average woman in Kenya has six children, while her desired family size is four, although in the Masai village I visited fertility was much higher -- yet this marks substantial progress from an estimated 8.1 children per woman in the late 1960s). Fewer than half of Kenyan couples use contraceptives (46%), although that marks a significant increase compared to the 39 per cent reported in a 2003 study. According to the CIA World Factbook, the urban population in Kenya is “growing at an alarming rate as many Kenyans migrate from their rural homes to urban centers,” which has led to a scarcity of jobs and opportunities.
World population growth stops being an abstract idea when confronted with individuals and whole communities suffering without enough food, shelter, sanitation, health care, and economic opportunities. At the end of this month, the world's population will reach 7 billion. It was 4 billion when I first started working thirty five years ago.
The Bible calls us to be stewards of the earth and caretakers of our neighbors. I hope you’ll join us in rededicating ourselves to living out our faith through renewed action on behalf of all the people of the world.
Monday, October 03, 2011
Speak Out for LGBT Youth
This morning, for the second year in the row, the Religious Institute, is calling on the nation’s clergy to speak out in support of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth at services near National Coming Out Day, which is October 11th. The recent suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old gay youth who in the spring made his own It Gets Better video, demonstrates the sad urgency of this call to action, which remains as necessary as it was in the wake of multiple teen suicides in September 2010.
All of us have teens and young adults who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender in our congregations, many who are suffering in silence and are at risk. One study found that 14% of teens in religious communities identify as something other than heterosexual. Almost nine in ten of them have not been open about their sexuality with clergy or other adult leaders in their faith communities.
Studies show that almost six in ten clergy from mainline denominations support the full inclusion and acceptance of LGBT persons, yet other studies have found that eight in ten of even the most progressive clergy don't have programs in their congregations to support LGBT youth.
We have known for more than thirty years that at least one third of all suicides to teens are to gay youth. Our young people are dying because we are not speaking out for them. Ask yourself honestly, do the LGBT youth in your faith community know that you welcome and support them? What have you done to make sure that these youth know they are loved and supported, to demonstrate that you understand that they, too, are God's children?
The Religious Institute has created new worship resources in support of National Coming Out Day. They include a responsive reading, prayers, a collect, a prayer litany and more, available at www.religiousinstitute.org/lgbtqworship.
Can you work with your local rabbi, minister, imam, or lay leaders to speak out for LGBT youth in the next few weeks? In this case, silence can equal death. Please help.
All of us have teens and young adults who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender in our congregations, many who are suffering in silence and are at risk. One study found that 14% of teens in religious communities identify as something other than heterosexual. Almost nine in ten of them have not been open about their sexuality with clergy or other adult leaders in their faith communities.
Studies show that almost six in ten clergy from mainline denominations support the full inclusion and acceptance of LGBT persons, yet other studies have found that eight in ten of even the most progressive clergy don't have programs in their congregations to support LGBT youth.
We have known for more than thirty years that at least one third of all suicides to teens are to gay youth. Our young people are dying because we are not speaking out for them. Ask yourself honestly, do the LGBT youth in your faith community know that you welcome and support them? What have you done to make sure that these youth know they are loved and supported, to demonstrate that you understand that they, too, are God's children?
The Religious Institute has created new worship resources in support of National Coming Out Day. They include a responsive reading, prayers, a collect, a prayer litany and more, available at www.religiousinstitute.org/lgbtqworship.
Can you work with your local rabbi, minister, imam, or lay leaders to speak out for LGBT youth in the next few weeks? In this case, silence can equal death. Please help.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
La Shana Tova!
As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, my family (and my congregation) observe the major Jewish and Christian holidays. Tonight is Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. My extended family will gather to eat and share and laugh, and to hope together for the year to come. Some of us will gladly put down some of the challenges we have faced in the past twelve months and look to the future. We have people who have passed who we will mourn and joys to celebrate.
This is the prayer I will offer, that I wish for you as well.
The Days of Awe begin with us tonight.
May the next ten days be days of reflection, introspection, and peace.
May we prepare ourselves for the changes in the year to come.
May it be a good year.
May it be a healthy year for all of us.
May we have the strength to face the challenges that are sure to come this year, like every year.
May we have compassion and patience, for ourselves and for each other.
May it be a year of peace for all of us, in our homes, in our communities, all around the globe.
May it be a year of peace within ourselves.
May we live our lives with integrity, service, and love.
May we be blessed with the strength of community, of our families, of our friends.
May we remember what it truly important in life.
May we remember to be grateful every day.
May we all be inscribed another year in the Book of Life.
La Shana Tova!
This is the prayer I will offer, that I wish for you as well.
The Days of Awe begin with us tonight.
May the next ten days be days of reflection, introspection, and peace.
May we prepare ourselves for the changes in the year to come.
May it be a good year.
May it be a healthy year for all of us.
May we have the strength to face the challenges that are sure to come this year, like every year.
May we have compassion and patience, for ourselves and for each other.
May it be a year of peace for all of us, in our homes, in our communities, all around the globe.
May it be a year of peace within ourselves.
May we live our lives with integrity, service, and love.
May we be blessed with the strength of community, of our families, of our friends.
May we remember what it truly important in life.
May we remember to be grateful every day.
May we all be inscribed another year in the Book of Life.
La Shana Tova!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
DADT is Done...History is made!
The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" heterosexist unjust law is history as of yesterday morning. Today, service people everywhere who are gay or lesbian or bisexual can affirm their sexual orientation publicly without reprisal. People dismissed from the military because of their sexual orientation can reapply. People can come out to their colleagues, friends, and family members.
I've known several gay and lesbian members of the military. Some put pictures on their desks of people of the opposite sex to represent their girlfriend of boyfriend back home. Some went to significant events including their own promotions without their partners. One went so far as to marry a person of the opposite sex to guarantee that her female partner would be guaranteed her survivor benefits if she died overseas through a complicated legal arrangement with her legal husband.
I remember when President Clinton signed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" as a compromise measure and how angry both the gay and lesbian community and the sexologist community felt. To mandate people denying their God-given gift of sexuality to others was just wrong.
And now, it's over.
I saw this YouTube video of a soldier calling his father to tell him he was gay this morning:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAgz6iyK6A&feature=aso
He plaintively asked several times, "Do you still love me, Dad?" Dad, thankfully, answers quickly and strongly, "I still love you." It's the only answer we should ever give our children. It's the answer that we should give everyone as we celebrate sexual and gender diversity.
I've known several gay and lesbian members of the military. Some put pictures on their desks of people of the opposite sex to represent their girlfriend of boyfriend back home. Some went to significant events including their own promotions without their partners. One went so far as to marry a person of the opposite sex to guarantee that her female partner would be guaranteed her survivor benefits if she died overseas through a complicated legal arrangement with her legal husband.
I remember when President Clinton signed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" as a compromise measure and how angry both the gay and lesbian community and the sexologist community felt. To mandate people denying their God-given gift of sexuality to others was just wrong.
And now, it's over.
I saw this YouTube video of a soldier calling his father to tell him he was gay this morning:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAgz6iyK6A&feature=aso
He plaintively asked several times, "Do you still love me, Dad?" Dad, thankfully, answers quickly and strongly, "I still love you." It's the only answer we should ever give our children. It's the answer that we should give everyone as we celebrate sexual and gender diversity.
Friday, September 09, 2011
9/11 Thoughts
I'm often asked by people why I believe that belonging to a faith community is important. Sometimes people say something like, "I can pray at home alone." Some people say, "I have a book group, I don't need a faith community."
Those discussions came to mind this morning when I watched the Today show piece on the emerging 9/11 memorial in advance of the 10th anniversary this Sunday. I found myself teary as they unveiled the memorial and the new building that is emerging.
And like I'm sure most of us who remember that day, I was brought back to that beautiful blue crisp morning, a morning with weather not unlike today. I was still a seminary student, driving to a UU minister's meeting, when I heard the first news. By the time I got there at 9 a.m., the first tower had fallen. We sat together in stunned silence around a radio at that church, one of the ministers, Rev. David Bryce led us in a very short worship service, and we all knew we had to go directly to our own congregations and wait for what was to emerge.
We learned fairly quickly that two of our congregants -- brothers -- had been killed in the towers, and our senior minister, Rev. Frank Hall, went directly to their parents' home. My close friend Rev. Barbara Fast, then our associate minister, and I knew we had to do something but we didn't know what. We send out an announcement that the church would be open that evening, and that we would offer an opportunity for people to gather for as long as they wanted and needed. We closed the doors at midnight after dozens of people came in and out. We didn't know what to do or say, but we knew that we needed to be together, in community, at this tragic time. It is an evening I will never forget.
And that's really the answer to the first question above...that we need each other, that a faith community provides a place where we can search together for our own answers to the big questions and to the joys and tragedies of life.
So, I am glad that the 10th anniversary is also our church homecoming service this year. We will gather together again on our front lawn, greet each other, and process into our beautiful sanctuary. And there, we will celebrate our homecoming and pay tribute to 9/11, and we will do it together, in community.
Those discussions came to mind this morning when I watched the Today show piece on the emerging 9/11 memorial in advance of the 10th anniversary this Sunday. I found myself teary as they unveiled the memorial and the new building that is emerging.
And like I'm sure most of us who remember that day, I was brought back to that beautiful blue crisp morning, a morning with weather not unlike today. I was still a seminary student, driving to a UU minister's meeting, when I heard the first news. By the time I got there at 9 a.m., the first tower had fallen. We sat together in stunned silence around a radio at that church, one of the ministers, Rev. David Bryce led us in a very short worship service, and we all knew we had to go directly to our own congregations and wait for what was to emerge.
We learned fairly quickly that two of our congregants -- brothers -- had been killed in the towers, and our senior minister, Rev. Frank Hall, went directly to their parents' home. My close friend Rev. Barbara Fast, then our associate minister, and I knew we had to do something but we didn't know what. We send out an announcement that the church would be open that evening, and that we would offer an opportunity for people to gather for as long as they wanted and needed. We closed the doors at midnight after dozens of people came in and out. We didn't know what to do or say, but we knew that we needed to be together, in community, at this tragic time. It is an evening I will never forget.
And that's really the answer to the first question above...that we need each other, that a faith community provides a place where we can search together for our own answers to the big questions and to the joys and tragedies of life.
So, I am glad that the 10th anniversary is also our church homecoming service this year. We will gather together again on our front lawn, greet each other, and process into our beautiful sanctuary. And there, we will celebrate our homecoming and pay tribute to 9/11, and we will do it together, in community.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
One Sperm Donor, 150 Children, the Century+ Dad
We all remember the uproar about the Octomom and her eight children conceived by ARTs.
I couldn't help but think about the vast difference between her and the man who was reported in the news today to have fathered more than 150 offspring.
A few years ago, the Religious Institute published an "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Assisted Reproductive Technologies" which recognized that "the broad spectrum of assisted reproductive technologies calls for deeply personal and complex moral decisions that are unprecedented in human history." Although the letter does not address the number of sperm or egg donations, it does raise the issues of the impact of ARTs on families and children, including advocating for regulations to safeguard health (both physical and emotional) and prevent negative outcomes.
I can't help but think that the children of this man on discovering their more than 150 plus half siblings won't be affected, and that religious leaders and theologians need to be part of considering what the limits should be.
What do you think?
I couldn't help but think about the vast difference between her and the man who was reported in the news today to have fathered more than 150 offspring.
A few years ago, the Religious Institute published an "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Assisted Reproductive Technologies" which recognized that "the broad spectrum of assisted reproductive technologies calls for deeply personal and complex moral decisions that are unprecedented in human history." Although the letter does not address the number of sperm or egg donations, it does raise the issues of the impact of ARTs on families and children, including advocating for regulations to safeguard health (both physical and emotional) and prevent negative outcomes.
I can't help but think that the children of this man on discovering their more than 150 plus half siblings won't be affected, and that religious leaders and theologians need to be part of considering what the limits should be.
What do you think?
Friday, September 02, 2011
Attacks on Family Planning and Abortion Are Attacks on Children: A Guest Editorial
The Religious Institute co-founder and current Advisory Committee member, Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, shared with me this piece he wrote for Protestants on the Common Good, on the current attacks on women's health services. I liked it so much that I asked him if I could share it with you:
“Re-introducing Corporal Punishment”
As I approach my seventieth birthday, I’m spending more time remembering how fortunate I was to have been raised in a loving family, where, as an only child, I was treated as something special.
For health reasons, my mother was explicitly told not to risk what would likely be another unsuccessful pregnancy. But throwing caution to the wind, and desperately wanting to have a child of their own, mom and dad gave it one more try.
My birth was treated, literally, as a gift from God.
Well, almost all the time. The exceptions, of course, had to do with those occasions in which I seriously misbehaved – that is, those times when I caused my parents to question whether the divine gift had a good bit of the devil’s contribution in the mix.
When that happened – and it had to be a very serious offense to cause this particular punishment – the razor strap came out (my dad was a barber at a time when facial shaves were a regular feature of his trade) and I was given a truly stinging whipping.
That corporal punishment I still see, all these years later, as an exception, a deviation from, my parents’ love. Even then I recognized that their anger against me caused them to draw on the worst parts of their otherwise compassionate and caring personalities. (And I can only hope that my own children recognize that when I inflicted corporal punishment on them, it was a similar departure from who I was as the father who loved them.)
I have the sense that my parents, at that time, weren’t exceptional in reverting to corporal punishment when angry with a child’s behavior. As far as I can tell, it was the norm.
But that started changing when more and more parents over time heard about, read, and took to heart what Dr. Benjamin Spock proposed in his book “Baby and Child Care” (1946) and other writings: be verbal not physical in disciplining the child, and all within the context of expressing love, even if it had to be tough love.
Now twenty-nine countries outlaw corporal punishment in the home, twenty-two of them in Europe. In the United States it remains legal, but here too there are limits to what is acceptable physical punishment.
I can see that transformation operating in the way my own grandchildren are being raised.
It has taken decades to achieve, but even here in the U.S. we’ve changed.
Or have we? Might it be that we’ve only changed the way we administer the corporal punishment?
Charles Blow, columnist for the New York Times, recently (8/27/11) made that case in a “striking” (but non-corporal) way.
He referred to a Guttmacher Institute report that indicated unintended pregnancies have increased 50% since 1994, yet politicians are passing laws to restrict abortion at a record pace: 80 this year, compared to 23 in 2010 – more than three times as many so far this year compared to all of last year.
What has this got to do with corporal punishment, when supposedly it is the mother (almost never the father) that is being punished for her sexual behavior? Mr. Blow answers: “Even if you follow a primitive religious concept of punishment for sex, as many on the right seem to do, you must at some point acknowledge that it is the child, not the parent, who will be punished most by our current policies that increasingly advocate for “unborn children” but fall silent for those outside the womb.”
(While Mr. Blow doesn’t mention it, there is an irony that some of the anti-choice legislation includes the de-funding of Planned Parenthood, which often provides the contraceptive education and resources that reduces the number unplanned pregnancies, and thereby ultimately diminishes the likelihood of neglect and abuse of unintended children.)
But it isn’t just in the area of sexuality where we’ve found new ways of inflicting physical harm on children. Mr. Blow also quotes from a new report of the Annie E. Casey Foundation: “the official child poverty rate, which is a conservative measure of economic hardship, increased 18 percent between 2000 – 2009.” (Remember that many years in that decade were considered periods of abundance.)
And if that weren’t enough, Mr. Blow draws from a U.S. Department of Agriculture study that “the number of children facing food insecurity in 2009 soared to nearly one in four.” Then there is also an ABC News report that “49 percent of all children born in this [United States] country are born to families who receive food supplements from the federal Women, Infants and Children assistance program.”
What is the consequence of that kind of malnutrition brought on by child poverty and child hunger? What is the corporal punishment that is being inflicted?
Delayed growth and motor development. Lower I.Q.’s. Severe behavior problems. Attention deficit hyperactivity. Deficient learning capacities. Lower educational achievement. The list goes on and on.
All that punishment inflicted against children for the sin of being born into families guilty of being poor.
Members of the Republican party, as well as many Democrats and Independents, express what seems to be genuine concern about the national debt that today’s children will have to bear as adults. But in their 2012 budget proposal the Republicans, in particular, want to reduce spending for nutritional programs. Mr. Blow comments: “They want to hold the line on tax breaks for the wealthy, not paying attention to the fact that our growing income inequality, which could be reversed, continues to foster developmental inequality [among children], which is almost impossible to reverse.”
Since in this country we don’t have laws condemning the old forms of parental corporal punishment, there’s probably no chance of passing legislation that would assign some form of appropriate punishment to politicians and members of society-at-large who engage in this kind of neglect and abuse of our nation’s children.
But couldn’t those of us in the Christian community at least take guidance from the procedure Jesus recommended to his church when one member sinned against another? He instructed (see Matthew 18: 15-17) that if one fails to get the attention and confession of the offender in a face-to-face meeting, the circle of witnesses ought to be widened, and, failing that, the offense ought to be brought to the whole community for judgment and then, finally, punishment.
That punishment apparently was exclusion from the community of faith. Maybe that’s what the church today needs to do with its child neglectors and abusers in public office.
And, of course, the electorate could do something similar when it’s time again to choose its leaders.
“Re-introducing Corporal Punishment”
As I approach my seventieth birthday, I’m spending more time remembering how fortunate I was to have been raised in a loving family, where, as an only child, I was treated as something special.
For health reasons, my mother was explicitly told not to risk what would likely be another unsuccessful pregnancy. But throwing caution to the wind, and desperately wanting to have a child of their own, mom and dad gave it one more try.
My birth was treated, literally, as a gift from God.
Well, almost all the time. The exceptions, of course, had to do with those occasions in which I seriously misbehaved – that is, those times when I caused my parents to question whether the divine gift had a good bit of the devil’s contribution in the mix.
When that happened – and it had to be a very serious offense to cause this particular punishment – the razor strap came out (my dad was a barber at a time when facial shaves were a regular feature of his trade) and I was given a truly stinging whipping.
That corporal punishment I still see, all these years later, as an exception, a deviation from, my parents’ love. Even then I recognized that their anger against me caused them to draw on the worst parts of their otherwise compassionate and caring personalities. (And I can only hope that my own children recognize that when I inflicted corporal punishment on them, it was a similar departure from who I was as the father who loved them.)
I have the sense that my parents, at that time, weren’t exceptional in reverting to corporal punishment when angry with a child’s behavior. As far as I can tell, it was the norm.
But that started changing when more and more parents over time heard about, read, and took to heart what Dr. Benjamin Spock proposed in his book “Baby and Child Care” (1946) and other writings: be verbal not physical in disciplining the child, and all within the context of expressing love, even if it had to be tough love.
Now twenty-nine countries outlaw corporal punishment in the home, twenty-two of them in Europe. In the United States it remains legal, but here too there are limits to what is acceptable physical punishment.
I can see that transformation operating in the way my own grandchildren are being raised.
It has taken decades to achieve, but even here in the U.S. we’ve changed.
Or have we? Might it be that we’ve only changed the way we administer the corporal punishment?
Charles Blow, columnist for the New York Times, recently (8/27/11) made that case in a “striking” (but non-corporal) way.
He referred to a Guttmacher Institute report that indicated unintended pregnancies have increased 50% since 1994, yet politicians are passing laws to restrict abortion at a record pace: 80 this year, compared to 23 in 2010 – more than three times as many so far this year compared to all of last year.
What has this got to do with corporal punishment, when supposedly it is the mother (almost never the father) that is being punished for her sexual behavior? Mr. Blow answers: “Even if you follow a primitive religious concept of punishment for sex, as many on the right seem to do, you must at some point acknowledge that it is the child, not the parent, who will be punished most by our current policies that increasingly advocate for “unborn children” but fall silent for those outside the womb.”
(While Mr. Blow doesn’t mention it, there is an irony that some of the anti-choice legislation includes the de-funding of Planned Parenthood, which often provides the contraceptive education and resources that reduces the number unplanned pregnancies, and thereby ultimately diminishes the likelihood of neglect and abuse of unintended children.)
But it isn’t just in the area of sexuality where we’ve found new ways of inflicting physical harm on children. Mr. Blow also quotes from a new report of the Annie E. Casey Foundation: “the official child poverty rate, which is a conservative measure of economic hardship, increased 18 percent between 2000 – 2009.” (Remember that many years in that decade were considered periods of abundance.)
And if that weren’t enough, Mr. Blow draws from a U.S. Department of Agriculture study that “the number of children facing food insecurity in 2009 soared to nearly one in four.” Then there is also an ABC News report that “49 percent of all children born in this [United States] country are born to families who receive food supplements from the federal Women, Infants and Children assistance program.”
What is the consequence of that kind of malnutrition brought on by child poverty and child hunger? What is the corporal punishment that is being inflicted?
Delayed growth and motor development. Lower I.Q.’s. Severe behavior problems. Attention deficit hyperactivity. Deficient learning capacities. Lower educational achievement. The list goes on and on.
All that punishment inflicted against children for the sin of being born into families guilty of being poor.
Members of the Republican party, as well as many Democrats and Independents, express what seems to be genuine concern about the national debt that today’s children will have to bear as adults. But in their 2012 budget proposal the Republicans, in particular, want to reduce spending for nutritional programs. Mr. Blow comments: “They want to hold the line on tax breaks for the wealthy, not paying attention to the fact that our growing income inequality, which could be reversed, continues to foster developmental inequality [among children], which is almost impossible to reverse.”
Since in this country we don’t have laws condemning the old forms of parental corporal punishment, there’s probably no chance of passing legislation that would assign some form of appropriate punishment to politicians and members of society-at-large who engage in this kind of neglect and abuse of our nation’s children.
But couldn’t those of us in the Christian community at least take guidance from the procedure Jesus recommended to his church when one member sinned against another? He instructed (see Matthew 18: 15-17) that if one fails to get the attention and confession of the offender in a face-to-face meeting, the circle of witnesses ought to be widened, and, failing that, the offense ought to be brought to the whole community for judgment and then, finally, punishment.
That punishment apparently was exclusion from the community of faith. Maybe that’s what the church today needs to do with its child neglectors and abusers in public office.
And, of course, the electorate could do something similar when it’s time again to choose its leaders.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Crazy. Stupid. Illegal. My Letter to Steve Carell
Like many ministers, I face an occupational hazard when I go to see movies, watch television, read a book. The stories so often form as future sermons in my mind, that I some times feel all entertainment should be a tax deduction.
But, last Friday night, a friend and I went to see Crazy. Stupid. Love, seeking a complete diversion and an opportunity to laugh.
And I did laugh -- as well as cringe at some of the sexual messages, especially the attitudes about casual sex and the lack of any visible signs of contraception or STD prevention, no less sexual negotiation or limit setting. But, it was the end of the movie that really upset me, in that it portrayed illegal adolescent behaviors.
I contacted my friend Nell Minow, who is the "Movie Mom" for Beliefnet.com as well as hundreds of radio stations around the country. (Read her at www.blog.beliefnet.com/moviemom
She encouraged me to write Steve Carell, the producer and star. I thought you might enjoy reading the letter I sent him. Even better, write him one yourself. I'll let you know if I receive an answer!
Mr. Steve Carell
Carousel Productions
4000 Warner Blvd
Bldg 144
Burbank, CA 91522
Dear Mr. Carell:
I am writing to you as a certified sexuality educator and an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who is concerned that your new movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” models behaviors for teen and tween audiences that puts them at risk for legal action. I am the author of several books for parents on talking with their children and teens about sexuality, and I have worked with adolescents on responsible sexual behavior for many years.
There are several sexual messages in the movie that I disagree with, but I am most concerned about 17 year old Jessica giving 13 year old Robbie nude photos of herself that she took. It is illegal for anyone to create sexually explicit images of a minor, to possess such images, or to distribute them. Although it may seem nonsensical, several states have passed additional laws that make it illegal for teens to take and distribute such pictures of themselves to other teens. Indeed, because of their age differences, depending on the age of majority in the state, Jessica might also be charged and convicted as a sexual offender for exposing a minor to child pornography. In some states, she could face life in prison or have to register as a sex offender for life. Further, the gender of the characters reinforces a stereotype that teen boys cannot be victims of child sexual abuse, when in reality, a boy is most likely sexually victimized by a teenage girl.
These are fictional characters – but their actions may well be repeated by young people in your audiences. I know that your movie is out in general release, and I don’t know what can be done by Carousal Productions at this point to get out the message, “don’t’ try this at home”. But, I do know that PG-13 movies shouldn’t be modeling criminal behaviors as harmless or worse, acts of generosity.
I would welcome hearing a response from you. Please let me know if I can provide you with additional information.
Sincerely,
Rev. Dr. Debra Haffner
But, last Friday night, a friend and I went to see Crazy. Stupid. Love, seeking a complete diversion and an opportunity to laugh.
And I did laugh -- as well as cringe at some of the sexual messages, especially the attitudes about casual sex and the lack of any visible signs of contraception or STD prevention, no less sexual negotiation or limit setting. But, it was the end of the movie that really upset me, in that it portrayed illegal adolescent behaviors.
I contacted my friend Nell Minow, who is the "Movie Mom" for Beliefnet.com as well as hundreds of radio stations around the country. (Read her at www.blog.beliefnet.com/moviemom
She encouraged me to write Steve Carell, the producer and star. I thought you might enjoy reading the letter I sent him. Even better, write him one yourself. I'll let you know if I receive an answer!
Mr. Steve Carell
Carousel Productions
4000 Warner Blvd
Bldg 144
Burbank, CA 91522
Dear Mr. Carell:
I am writing to you as a certified sexuality educator and an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who is concerned that your new movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” models behaviors for teen and tween audiences that puts them at risk for legal action. I am the author of several books for parents on talking with their children and teens about sexuality, and I have worked with adolescents on responsible sexual behavior for many years.
There are several sexual messages in the movie that I disagree with, but I am most concerned about 17 year old Jessica giving 13 year old Robbie nude photos of herself that she took. It is illegal for anyone to create sexually explicit images of a minor, to possess such images, or to distribute them. Although it may seem nonsensical, several states have passed additional laws that make it illegal for teens to take and distribute such pictures of themselves to other teens. Indeed, because of their age differences, depending on the age of majority in the state, Jessica might also be charged and convicted as a sexual offender for exposing a minor to child pornography. In some states, she could face life in prison or have to register as a sex offender for life. Further, the gender of the characters reinforces a stereotype that teen boys cannot be victims of child sexual abuse, when in reality, a boy is most likely sexually victimized by a teenage girl.
These are fictional characters – but their actions may well be repeated by young people in your audiences. I know that your movie is out in general release, and I don’t know what can be done by Carousal Productions at this point to get out the message, “don’t’ try this at home”. But, I do know that PG-13 movies shouldn’t be modeling criminal behaviors as harmless or worse, acts of generosity.
I would welcome hearing a response from you. Please let me know if I can provide you with additional information.
Sincerely,
Rev. Dr. Debra Haffner
Monday, August 08, 2011
Peter and Kenneth - Legally Married After 56 Years
Yesterday, I performed a legal marriage ceremony in New York City for two 87 year old friends of mine who have been together as a couple for 56 years.
Six years ago, I led a ceremony for them celebrating their 50th anniversary. I promised them that I'd do all I could to help create the day that I would be able to do their legal wedding.
Yesterday was that day.
Kenneth, Peter, two witnesses, and I signed the marriage license in the middle of the ceremony. All of us present, including me, had tears in our eyes when I said, "By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and husband, legally wed."
I blessed them in part with these words, "Peter and Kenneth, we all know that your holy union of two lives, two souls, two hearts is far greater than a legal union sanctioned by the state. But we are grateful that this day for equality has finally come. We are grateful for the blessings that brought us to this day, and ask for continued blessings on your home, your health, your companionship, your friendship. May we all hold these moments, this moment, in the blessed spirit of all that is holy."
May I invite you dear readers, along with those who were present with us yesterday, to bless them with your "Amen."
Friday, July 29, 2011
Trust women? Not in North Carolina
Last week, I wrote about the good news.
Today, I want to share with you this news about the new law in North Carolina, that is about the most draconian restrictions on women's right to choose abortion I can imagine.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be required to have and view an ultrasound of a fetus and listen to its heartbeat that I knew for my very own personal reasons would be a baby I would never know. And then have to receive state prescribed information and then being asked to wait to have the procedure for 24 hours.
This article says it will change some 27,000 women's minds who will go on to have babies that they had initially believed they were unprepared to raise. One wonders what North Carolina is prepared to do to support those children -- and those mothers -- after those births.
Here's what happened in North Carolina yesterday:
Women will get more information and face new restrictions before having an abortion in North Carolina after the state Senate passed the regulations into law Thursday over Democratic Gov. Beverly Perdue's veto.
The Republican-led Legislature completed its veto override when the Senate voted 29-19 to approve the bill requiring women to receive counseling and wait 24 hours before an abortion. The House agreed to the override earlier this week.
The only Republican who voted against the measure when it initially passed the Senate last month, Sen. Stan Bingham of Davidson County, did not vote on Thursday. With one other Republican missing this week, the GOP had just enough votes to override Perdue's veto.
Based on the impact of similar laws in other states, the restrictions would cut the more than 27,000 abortions and result in about 2,900 additional births per year, legislative fiscal analysts said. That will cost taxpayers about $7 million a year, mostly because nearly half of the births would be funded entirely or in part by Medicaid, the health program for the poor.
North Carolina had been one of 16 states that don't require specialized counseling before an abortion. Half of all states require counseling, then a waiting period.
The law prohibits an abortion unless a woman is provided with state-specified information about the physician at least 24 hours in advance. Women also would get information about the likely stage of development of the unborn child, the medical risks of having an abortion and giving birth, and the availability of abortion alternatives.
The new law also requires that an ultrasound be presented along with a chance to hear the fetal heartbeat. Women do have the choice to look away.
Majority Republicans said the measure is designed to give women more information about what happens in an abortion and who is providing it. Social conservatives praised the bill, which also requires a woman consider an offer to see the shape of the fetus and hear a heartbeat.
Today, I want to share with you this news about the new law in North Carolina, that is about the most draconian restrictions on women's right to choose abortion I can imagine.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be required to have and view an ultrasound of a fetus and listen to its heartbeat that I knew for my very own personal reasons would be a baby I would never know. And then have to receive state prescribed information and then being asked to wait to have the procedure for 24 hours.
This article says it will change some 27,000 women's minds who will go on to have babies that they had initially believed they were unprepared to raise. One wonders what North Carolina is prepared to do to support those children -- and those mothers -- after those births.
Here's what happened in North Carolina yesterday:
Women will get more information and face new restrictions before having an abortion in North Carolina after the state Senate passed the regulations into law Thursday over Democratic Gov. Beverly Perdue's veto.
The Republican-led Legislature completed its veto override when the Senate voted 29-19 to approve the bill requiring women to receive counseling and wait 24 hours before an abortion. The House agreed to the override earlier this week.
The only Republican who voted against the measure when it initially passed the Senate last month, Sen. Stan Bingham of Davidson County, did not vote on Thursday. With one other Republican missing this week, the GOP had just enough votes to override Perdue's veto.
Based on the impact of similar laws in other states, the restrictions would cut the more than 27,000 abortions and result in about 2,900 additional births per year, legislative fiscal analysts said. That will cost taxpayers about $7 million a year, mostly because nearly half of the births would be funded entirely or in part by Medicaid, the health program for the poor.
North Carolina had been one of 16 states that don't require specialized counseling before an abortion. Half of all states require counseling, then a waiting period.
The law prohibits an abortion unless a woman is provided with state-specified information about the physician at least 24 hours in advance. Women also would get information about the likely stage of development of the unborn child, the medical risks of having an abortion and giving birth, and the availability of abortion alternatives.
The new law also requires that an ultrasound be presented along with a chance to hear the fetal heartbeat. Women do have the choice to look away.
Majority Republicans said the measure is designed to give women more information about what happens in an abortion and who is providing it. Social conservatives praised the bill, which also requires a woman consider an offer to see the shape of the fetus and hear a heartbeat.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Progress on Sexual Justice...One Day, One Step At A Time
I've been teaching at Pacific School of Religion all week. It's been a wonderful class of fifteen diverse students, from 7 different faith traditions, ranging in age from 21 to 60. It's been a 20 hour intensive introduction to sexuality issues for religious professionals.
The apartment we've been living in doesn't have TV, so I'm a little behind on my daily news watching. But, it's been a remarkable week for sexual justice.
The Institute of Medicine just recommended in a new report that contraception be available at low cost or free as part of health care insurance plans. And it looks like DHHS will include it as a covered prescription medication.
Leon Panetta just announced tonight that he will announce the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell and that gay and lesbian people will be able to serve openly in the military.
And the President has announced his support for Senator Boxer's new act that will overturn the Defense of Marriage Act.
All of these are overdue, from this minister's perspective, and all are still far from the law of the land. Nevertheless, they indicate that despite the rhetoric of those on the right, the arc of the universe is indeed bending towards sexual justice.
Perhaps I should step away from the news more often.
The apartment we've been living in doesn't have TV, so I'm a little behind on my daily news watching. But, it's been a remarkable week for sexual justice.
The Institute of Medicine just recommended in a new report that contraception be available at low cost or free as part of health care insurance plans. And it looks like DHHS will include it as a covered prescription medication.
Leon Panetta just announced tonight that he will announce the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell and that gay and lesbian people will be able to serve openly in the military.
And the President has announced his support for Senator Boxer's new act that will overturn the Defense of Marriage Act.
All of these are overdue, from this minister's perspective, and all are still far from the law of the land. Nevertheless, they indicate that despite the rhetoric of those on the right, the arc of the universe is indeed bending towards sexual justice.
Perhaps I should step away from the news more often.
Monday, July 11, 2011
World Population Day -- July 11, 2011
My first job after college was at the Population Institute as a secretary. It was the summer of 1975. I remember writing a piece about how the world population had just hit 2 or maybe 3 billion.
In July 1987, the first World Population Day was celebrated -- the world's population was 5 billion.
Today, the world's population is 6,948,317,241.
It's expected to hit 7 billion on October 31, 2011.
It's hard to grasp that it has more than doubled since I began my working life in the sexual and reproductive health field.
Our understanding of population growth and the needs of the world's environment have grown exponentially since 1975. But some basic facts are still true: too many of the world's women don't have the contraceptive services they need and want to control the number of children they want to have. Too many women are denied basic civil rights, including the right to education and equal employment. The developed world still consumes far too many of the world's resources. The earth has limited ability to sustain uncontrolled population.
Genesis calls us to be stewards of the earth. There's still time for us to do more.
In July 1987, the first World Population Day was celebrated -- the world's population was 5 billion.
Today, the world's population is 6,948,317,241.
It's expected to hit 7 billion on October 31, 2011.
It's hard to grasp that it has more than doubled since I began my working life in the sexual and reproductive health field.
Our understanding of population growth and the needs of the world's environment have grown exponentially since 1975. But some basic facts are still true: too many of the world's women don't have the contraceptive services they need and want to control the number of children they want to have. Too many women are denied basic civil rights, including the right to education and equal employment. The developed world still consumes far too many of the world's resources. The earth has limited ability to sustain uncontrolled population.
Genesis calls us to be stewards of the earth. There's still time for us to do more.
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