election night 7:08

Two states are in...one for each.

I'm finding that I have to remind myself to breathe.

You too -- breathe.

At 8, we're having close to 50 people over to watch the results. Company will be good.

I just heard that on exit polls 73% of white evangelical voters voted McCain. That's only 5% less than voted for Bush. That means, despite all the efforts to ahem diversify these voters, most of them still voted Republican. More on that over the next few days.

Time to go back to the TV.

Election Day -- 3:12

So, I've managed not to look at any tracking polls, open any move.on emails or emails from the campaigns, but I can't say I've fully concentrated on my work today either.

You?

So, if you are checking in, here's an adorable one minute to distract yourself with:

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=svhq4C9HhUg

Listen to the young man.

You have, right?

Election Day 7:21 a.m.

I loved everything about voting today.

My husband* and I walked to the elementary school that both of our children attended.

The line stretched around the building. It made me teary to walk all the way to the back. Really, I was happy to see a long line. They said on the news that they project that 90% of Connecticut's eligible voters will vote today.

I loved seeing neighbors and people from church in line. I loved the woman holding the newborn in the blanket. I loved the people who had brought their small children with them. I loved the woman behind me in line who makes and sells fudge. I didn't mind standing in line for 40 minutes.

I loved the lady who handed me the "I voted today" sticker when we finally entered the building.

I don't particularly like the new scan electronic cards. I miss pulling the lever. But, watching my card be pulled into the scanner still felt thrilling this morning.

I loved the lady selling baked goods for the PTA, and I even loved the somewhat stale brownie I bought there.

I am SO HAPPY today is finally here. I am grateful to be part of it.

May God bless America.
****

**My long term readers know that I have generally named my spouse as my partner, to not assert any heterosexual privilege. But I realized this a.m. as I wrote this, that because of the Connecticut Supreme Court decision granting marriage equality, gay and lesbian people in Connecticut can now use the terms husband and wife. So honey, at least in Connecticut, I can now once again call you my husband.

5:45 am Chrismas - no - Election Day

It's 5:45 a.m.

I've been up since 5:30. It feels like I'm seven and it's Christmas morning.

I don't think I've ever felt an election so keenly.

The polls open in Connecticut at 6:00 a.m.

I'm planning on blogging a la Andrew Sullivan throughout the day.

A quick prayer, and I'm out of here. I'll report back when I get back.

Rev. Debra's 10 Tips To Reduce Your Pre-Election Day Anxiety

People keep telling me they are anxious -- not sleeping -- thinking about what we will know on Wednesday that we don't know now. So, here are my 10 tips for dealing with your anxiety today.

1. Don't check the polls on the web today. People are voting tomorrow. Those little up and down arrows won't tell you much. Just skip them. Don't click on them.

2. Call your local office of your party and ask how you can make a difference today or on election day. Offer to spend an hour or two.

3. Email all your friends in swing states and remind them how important it is to vote.

4. Check out your polling place on line, its hours, and what kind of ID you are going to need tomorrow. Plan to vote early. Talk to your boss about taking an hour off if the lines turn out to be long. Call a friend to go with you.

5. If you have done steps 2, 3, and 4 -- thank yourself for participating in our great democratic process. If you are anxious and you haven't done what you can do to participate, think of your own.

6. Remember to breathe. Use this simple mantra, "Breathing in, I calm my body; breathing out I smile."

7. Do not watch any more TV about the election today. You can watch tomorrow. Oh, Saturday Night Live's special election count down and the Daily Show don't count as TV. Laughter is good stress relief.

8. Exercise. Go to the gym; take a walk; take the clothes off the treadmill or the exercise bike, and do something for 20 minutes.

9. Plan who you will spend election night with. You don't want to be eating a can of peanuts or a bag of pretzels on your own. Buy a bottle of inexpensive champagne or sparkling cider and put it in your refrigerator to celebrate if your candidate wins.

10. Pray. Pray for both of the candidates and their families. Pray for your's. Pray for America. Pray for the world. It couldn't hurt.

And on Tuesday, VOTE.

Blessings on us all.

Rev. Debra

Last Friday Before the Election

November 5th can't come fast enough.

The Religious Institute is a non-partisan, multifaith organization. I can't tell you who to vote for, but I can tell you how important it is that you do vote.

I can also remind you how our sexual rights may be deeply affected by the outcome of national, state and local elections. The next President of the United States will likely name more than one Supreme Court Justice. Resources for sexuality education, abstinence-only-until-marriage education, HIV/AIDS prevention and service programs, and family planning services will be decided by majorities in the U.S. Congress. Local school boards will determine the content of sexuality and AIDS education programs.

On November 4th, voters in California, Florida and Arizona will decide on questions of marriage equality. Arkansans will vote on whether lesbian and gay persons can adopt or provide foster care. Voters in South Dakota will decide if abortion will remain legal; in Colorado whether to extend "equality of justice rights" to "embryos at the moment of fertilization;" and in California, whether a teenager's parent must be notified about her abortion.

The stakes could not be higher.

Journalists and pollsters are already speculating about how different groups of religious people will vote. Let's make sure that as people of faith, we let them know we are voting for sexual justice.

Red Sex, Blue Sex....From the New Yorker

This week's New Yorker has a fascinating article on evangelical teenagers and sexual behavior.

You can read it here at : http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot

The author reports that white evangelical teen girls on average begin sex earlier than girls who are Jewish or mainline Protestant or Catholic.

I found this paragraph about reactions to Bristol Palin's pregnancy intriguing:

"... the reactions to it have exposed a cultural rift that mirrors America’s dominant political divide. Social liberals in the country’s “blue states” tend to support sex education and are not particularly troubled by the idea that many teenagers have sex before marriage, but would regard a teen-age daughter’s pregnancy as devastating news. And the social conservatives in “red states” generally advocate abstinence-only education and denounce sex before marriage, but are relatively unruffled if a teenager becomes pregnant, as long as she doesn’t choose to have an abortion."

I actually think that "social liberals" don't like high school teenage sex any more than "social conservatives" but I do agree that many of us would be even more troubled by our teenage sons and daughters dropping out of school to have babies.

I know I have a lot of "social conservative" readers...what do you think about how the author describes you? And really, "relatively unruffled?" Surely conservatives share the concern about teenagers truncating their futures, entering into teenage marriages with high rates of divorce, ending their education. Yes??

Break from the Election

A few weeks ago, I did an interview with a journalist in California on raising sexually healthy teenagers.

It's now a podcast, and available from the ITunes store. I haven't listened to it yet, but the transcript is posted at http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/222-sex-love-and-intimacy/episodes/20194-debra-haffner-raising-sexually-healthy You can get to the podcast from there as well.

And if you are a parent or grandparent, I hope you'll check out information about my books at www.21stcenturyparent.com There are excerpts of all three books there.

Back to the election tomorrow.

Celebrating Women Over 40

The cover of the new More magazine features Jane Fonda at 70, Sharon Stone at 50, and Tea Leoni at 42 looking strong, beautiful, and sexy.

When I saw it, I thought that a cover of the three women dominating the upcoming election would have made the same point. Cindy, 54, Michelle, 44, and Sarah, 44.

This election is changing the way the public looks at women over 40. These women are eloquent, forceful, independent, accomplished, beautiful, and dare I say it - sexy. They are all women who balance motherhood and careers. They say to America and the world, women over 40 still have "it."

We've known all of them since high school. Cindy, the beautiful homecoming princess who every boy wanted to go out with but stayed home alot because they were afraid to ask. Sarah, the cheerleader who was great for gossip but you knew you had to watch your back. Michelle, the student government president. (Me -- I was the co-editor in chief of the yearbook and voted class flirt.)

They are in a way new role models for today's girls and young women. Actually, maybe for adult women as well. Now, if we could just have their hair, make up, and clothing allowances.

Marriage Matters -- For Same Sex Couples and the Rest of Us

A friend and colleague of mine is getting married today in California.

For the third time.

To the same man.

Their son will be their best man. Again.

And on November 4th, the voters in California could decide that none of those ceremonies make them legally wed.

And the federal government recognizes none of them.

I wonder how many of us who are in heterosexual marriages would go to the trouble -- or would choose to publicly recommit themselves to each other, again and again, knowing that it might not really count.

The difference is we don't have to. I was married 26 years ago. No one has ever questioned our right to be married, get benefits, be recognized -- and I've never had to do it again or explain to our children why some people don't want us to be a family.

It's pretty clear what's wrong with this picture. The injustice is staggering.

But, it's going to change. And voters in California, Arizona, and Florida can make a difference. So can the rest of us by standing up for marriage for same sex couples. Like 2200 clergy did earlier this week.

For now, mazal tov Joel. I hope it's a glorious celebration.

God and the election

According to a yahoo news story, Sarah Palin has said that the election is now in God's hands.

Really?

Was the last election in God's hands? Or the one before that? How about in other countries -- does God choose the rulers there too?

In a few days, several hundred fundamentalist Christian ministers are going to pray in the San Diego arena for Prop 8 (the anti-same sex marriage bill) in California to pass on election day. You'd think they'd pray for something really important -- like the end of poverty or the war or homelessness or for jobs, equality, health. Nope, gay people who want to enter into legal committed relationships.

My own theology is that God is too big to worry about the 2008 elections, Presidential or otherwise. The only hands this election is in is OUR'S.

I'm spending the weekend making phone calls for my candidates and will spend part of election day driving people to the polls. What are your hands doing?

More on Congo Sabbath

Last week, I blogged about our new CONGO SABBATH initiative. We are inviting diverse congregations from across the United States to become involved in supporting the women and girls in the Congo. We invited more than 1800 readers of the Religious Institute's newsletter to sign up for more information, and so far, we have heard from only 30 congregations.

We need YOUR help to make this project that we are doing to support the V-Day's and Unicef's efforts in the Congo a success.

Perhaps I didn't do a good enough job of describing the horror of women's lives in the Congo. Saturday, the New York Times ran this excruciating front page story. Read it at http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/18/world/africa/18congo.html?hp

And then let me know if we can count on you to get involved. Send us an email at info@religiousinstitute.org and we'll send you more information about how your faith community can help.

The women and girls of the Congo are counting on us to stand in solidarity with them.

2200 Clergy From Across the United States and Every Major Religious Tradition Support Marriage for Same Sex Couples -- Blessed Be!

I am so pleased to tell you that on Monday, the Religious Institute announced that more than 2,200 ordained clergy have signed our Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality.

They come from all 50 states (and D.C. and Puerto Rico) and represent more than 50 different faith traditions. They are rabbis, reverends, priests, bishops, elders, and imams. They include 100 of the best known religious leaders and thinkers in the United States, including the presidents and deans of a dozen seminaries and the elected leaders of eight major denominations, including the United Church of Christ, the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Assembly, the Union for Reform Judaism's Rabbis, the Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, and the Unitarian Universalist Association. We are also pleased that so many Catholic and Episcopal bishops joined the call for marriage equality, as well as Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu leaders.

We are grateful to all of the ordained clergy who are willing to publicly stand for marriage equality for same-sex couples. Read the list here. If you are clergy, please add your name. If you are a person of faith and your clergy person isn't listed, please forward it on.

And please speak up for the rights of gays and lesbians to civil and religious marriage.

We cannot allow the perception to continue that marriage for same-sex couples violates religious principles. As these 2,200 ordained clergy will tell you, there is strong theological support for blessing these unions and affording these couples equal rights under the law. As the Open Letter says, we know that "where there is love, the sacred is in our midst."

Economics and Sexual Matters

It's Friday morning in Dallas, Texas, and in a few hours, I am leaving for Grand Rapids, Michigan.

It's been a busy week. On Tuesday night, I had the privilege of participating in a forum at Middle Collegiate Church in New York City to launch the new book, "Dispatches from the Religious Left." Yesterday, the Religious Institute held a colloquium in Dallas for clergy and sexual justice leaders from throughout the state of Texas. Tomorrow, I keynote a women's conference in Grand Rapids, and on Sunday, I will preach at a large non-denominational church and do a workshop on being a sexually healthy congregation for its leaders.

People are hungry for our message, from the Blue State of New York to the Red State of Texas to the Purple State of Michigan . On Wednesday, my colleague Tim Palmer and I met with one of the editors at the Dallas Morning News. He asked something like, "how in a time of economic crisis can you get people to pay attention to your message?"

I told him that our issues are also economic issues. That poor and low income women are much more likely to get pregnant unintentionally, have abortions, their teens more likely to have babies as teenagers. That poor and low income gay, lesbian, and transgender persons are more likely to face discrimination, not have health insurance, and not have the resources to obtain legal assistance for benefits.

But, that I also believed that as middle class families are affected by the economic crisis that families will be strained, marriages will be strained, domestic violence may increase, that teenagers will face stresses and losses that they are not prepared for -- and that clergy must be prepared to deal with how job losses and loss of resources affect individuals and families relationships and sense of self.

People are hungry for our message -- that their sexuality is part of God's gift to us, that sexual and gender diversities are part of that blessings, and that we must make responsible sexual decisions. It's a privilege to bring it to people across the country.

Support Women and Girls in the Congo -- Announcing the Congo Sabbath Initiative

Over the past ten years hundreds of thousands of women and girls living in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) have been victims of brutal sexual violence, leaving them with severe physical ailments such as lesions, traumatic fistuale, and HIV/AIDS. Seven in ten of these women go untreated because of inadequate medical facilities.



I am pleased to let my readers know that today the Religious Institute launched the CONGO SABBATH INITIATIVE to ask congregations to become involved in supporting these women.


We are working to develop a faith-based initiative, to complete the V-Day and UNICEF, on behalf of UN Action Against Sexual Violence in Conflict, campaign titled “Stop Raping our Greatest Resource, Power to Women and Girls of the DRC.” This is a global Campaign to increase pressure at all levels to do more to stop rape in the DRC while highlighting the role of women as activists. One result of the Campaign will be the establishment of the City of Joy at the Panzi Hospital in Bukavu—a center for women for women who have survived rape and torture, where they will receive medical treatment, education, leadership training, and a chance to earn income.




To learn how your congregation can get involved, please visit our web site and click on the Congo Sabbath initiative. You could decide to do an education program, raise money for the hospital and the City of Joy, offer a prayer or responsive reading (or a full worship service on violence against women), stage the Vagina Monologues, or post information about how to become involved. There are lots of ways to help a congregation participate.


I'm delighted to report that forty-five nationally recognized religious leaders have joined the Religious Institute in calling congregations to participate in the Congo Sabbath initiative, an effort to involve religious leaders and faith communities in ending violence against women in the DRC. The list includes the leadership of seven denominations and the National Council of Churches of Christ.



They endorsed this statement:


"As faith leaders we are called today to see, hear, and respond to the suffering caused by violence against women. We encourage faith communities to participate in the Congo Sabbath initiative."


Signed:



*Dr. Ellen T. Armour, Director of the Carpenter Program in Religion, Gender, and Sexuality, Vanderbilt Divinity School
*Rev. Steven Baines, Director of Interfaith Outreach, People for the American Way
*Fr. Dr. Luis Barrios, Chair of the Latin American & Latina/o Studies, John Jay College of Criminal Justice-City University of New York (CUNY)
*Rev. Dr. Rita Nakashima Brock, Director, Faith Voices for the Common Good
*Rev. Dr. John Buehrens, Former President, Unitarian Universalist Association
*Rev. Ignacio Castuera, National Chaplain, Planned Parenthood Federation of America
*Rev. Robert Chase, Founding Director, Intersections
*Cyra Choudhury, Executive Director, Foundation for the Advancement of Women in Religion
*Rev. Steve Clapp, President, Christian Community
*Rabbi Sue Levi Elwell, Regional Director, Union for Reform Judaism Pennsylvania Council
*Rev. Dr. Yvette Flunder, Presiding Bishop, The Fellowship
*Rev. Dr. Marie Fortune, Founder and Senior Analyst, FaithTrust Institute
*Rev. Larry Greenfield, Executive Minister, American Baptist Churches of Metro Chicago
*Rev. Debra W. Haffner, Director, Religious Institute
*Ann L. Hanson, Minister for Sexuality Education and Justice, Justice and Witness Ministries of the United Church of Christ
*Rev. Cedric Harmon, Associate Field Director for Religious Outreach, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State
*Dr. Mary E. Hunt, Co-Director, Women’s Alliance for Theology, Ethics and Ritual (WATER)
*Rabbi Steven B. Jacobs, Founder, Progressive Faith Foundation
*Rev. Dr. Serene Jones, President, Union Theological Seminary
*Dr. Musimbi Kanyoro, Director, Population and Reproductive Health Program, The David and Lucile Packard Foundation; Former Secretary General, World Young Women’s Christian Association (YWCA)
*Rev. Michael Kinnamon, General Secretary, National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA
*Rabbi Dr. Peter S. Knobel, President, Central Conferences of American Rabbis
*Harry Knox, Director of the Religion and Faith Program, Human Rights Campaign
*Rev. Jennifer Kottler, Former Executive Director, Let Justice Roll
*Rev. Peter Laarman, Executive Director, Progressive Christians Uniting
*Rabbi Michael Lerner, Chair, Network of Spiritual Progressives
*Rev. Michael E. Livingston, Executive Director, International Council of Community Churhces; Immediate Past President, National Council of Churches
*Rev. Barry Lynn, Executive Director, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State
*Jon O’Brien, President, Catholics for Choice
*Dr. Mercy Oduyoye, Founder, Circle of Concerned African Women Theologians; Director, Institute of Women in Religion and Culture
*Rev. Troy Plummer, Executive Director, Reconciling Ministries Network
*Dr. Sylvia Rhue, Director of Religious Affairs, National Black Justice Coalition
*Rev. Karen H. Senecal, Clergy Project Manager, Planned Parenthood Federation of America
*Rev. William Sinkford, President, Unitarian Universalist Association
*Rev. Dr. William Stayton, Professor of Sexuality and Religion, Center of Excellence for Sexual Health, Morehouse School of Medicine
*Rev. Ron Stief, Director of Organizing Strategy, Faith in Public Life
*Rev. John H. Thomas, General Minister and President, United Church of Christ
*Rev. Dr. Emilie M. Townes, Associate Dean of Academic Affairs, Yale Divinity School
*Rev. Carlton Veazey, President and CEO, Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice
*Rabbi Arthur Waskow, Founder and Director, The Shalom Center
*Loribeth Weinstein, Executive Director, Jewish Women International
*Dr. Traci West, Professor of Ethics and African American Studies, Drew University Theological School
*Rev. Elder Nancy L. Wilson, Moderator, Metropolitan Community Churches
*Rev. James E. Winkler, General Secretary, United Methodist General Board of Church and Society
*Ani Zonneveld, President, Muslims for Progressive Values




*Organizations for identification only
** List in formation



I hope you'll join this important initiative. Click here for more information.



Photo courtesy of Paula Allen/vday.org

RELIGULOUS -- RELIGOPHOBIA at the movies

I'm guessing that more than a few of you are making extra efforts to laugh these days. I find myself making the effort to stay up for The Daily Show, to find something to laugh about at the end of the day, and at least for the first ten minutes of SNL.

So, last night, we set out to find a funny movie. We had seen "Burn After Reading", and so we went to see Bill Maher's "Religulous."

And, it did have more than a few LOL moments. If you've watched Maher at all, you know that he has no personal use for organized religion, and in these interviews, he finds ample people who are willing to make "religulous comments." He surely brings out what a friend at the movie theater called the "shadow side" of organized religion.

But, ultimately, by the end of the movie I was angry. Maher seems totally ignorant of historical exegetical criticism of the Bible or that people can value the Bible without being a literalist. His lack of knowledge about Scripture is writ large throughout the movie.

But, much more dismaying is that he is either completely ignorant of, or just chose not to show, either the existence of a progressive religious voice or any of the positive work organized religion does in the world. No reference to religious leadership in social movements, like ending slavery or the civil rights movement -- or anti-poverty efforts today -- or a single interview with any of the wonderful diverse religious leaders I am privileged to know and work with for social justice.

The end result is the viewer is left with the idea that Religious = Fundamentalism and that the only other possible response is secular. The movie plays into the idea held by far too many on the right that the religious right is the only legitimate religious voice in the public square -- and by far too many on the left that there is no value in organized religion or faith.

Several years ago, I coined the term "religiophobia" to characterize progressive people with an irrational fear of organized religion (like homophobia is an irrational fear of gay people or gynephobia is an irrational fear of women.) This movie is full of it.

Marriage Equality for Same Sex Couples in Connecticut

We are celebrating the Connecticut Supreme Court decision for marriage equality, handed down this morning.

Connecticut joins California and Massachussetts -- Maryland and New Jersey may follow soon.

The arc of the universe bends towards justice -- and it's time to celebrate.

To my Connecticut gay and lesbian readers, I'd love to be one of the first clergy to perform one!

Yah hoo!

Religious Dispatches from the Left -- Join Us Tuesday Night in New York City

My regular readers know that the Religious Institute has been calling for progressive religious leaders to understand and articulate sexual justice as part of a progressive religious agenda. We were delighted when Fred Clarkson asked Tim Palmer and I to write a chapter for his new book of essays, "Dispatches from the Religious Left." It's just out, and on Tuesday, October 14th, I will be part of a panel in New York City at the historic Marble Collegiate Church launching the book. There will be a full gospel choir, and I am honored to be among these wonderful speakers. If you're in New York City, it's free and I hope you will join us.

Dispatches from the Religious Left: The Future of Faith and Politics in America
A Book Launch Celebration

Chris Hedges, Rev. Dr. Jacqueline Lewis, Frederick Clarkson, Rev. Debra Haffner, Rev. Osagyefo Uhuru Sekou
with music by Middle Church Jerriese Johnson Gospel Choir

October 14, 2008
Doors open at 6:30pm

Middle Collegiate Church
2nd Avenue between 6th and 7th Street50 East 7th Street, New York, New York 10003

On October 14, 2008 at 6:30pm , Middle Collegiate Church, 50 E. 7th Street, will host the book launch celebration of Dispatches from the Religious Left: The Future of Faith and Politics in America-a ground-breaking collection of 19 essays by 22 leading progressive religious figures that seeks to launch a national conversation about how to create and sustain a far more politically dynamic Religious Left in America.

Opening with the soul stirrring multicultural and multiracial 40 voice Middle Church Jerriese Johnson Gospel Choir, this riveting evening of discussion will celebrate the revival of the religious left in America.

Moderated by Rev. Dr. Jacqueline Lewis, author, The Power of Stories (Abingdon Press, 2008) and Senior Minister, Middle Collegiate Church

The panel will feature Dispatches contributors:
Chris Hedges, award winning journalist and the best-selling author of I Don't Believe in Atheists; Rev. Dr. Debra Haffner, Director of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing; Rev. Osagyefo Uhuru Sekou, Associate Minister for Missions, Social Justice and Community Action at Middle Collegiate Church and author of the forthcoming Gods, Gays, and Guns: Religion and the Future of Democracy (Ig, 2009) . Frederick Clarkson, Dispatches editor and author of American Theocracy.

Don't miss this important opportunity to learn about the emerging religious left, and discover how liberal and progressive religious voices can begin to influence the religious and political direction of this country! Let us celebrate. Books will be on sell after the event. As Rev. Dr. Joan Brown Campbell writes in her introduction, "Finally, the Religious Left has found its voice."

Yom Kippur -- Day of Atonement

Yom Kippur will begin in a few hours.

It is for the Jewish community the holiest day of the year. It is a day to fast, to atone, to ask forgiveness, and at its end, start anew.

I have been keeping a Yom Kippur journal now for almost 30 years. Tomorrow, I will go down to the beach and write the entry for 2008, and I will take the time to read the entries that began in my mid 20's. I will review the past year, paying special attention to the areas where I have let down others, let myself down, where I must grow. I will make commitments for who I hope to be a year from now when I write in 2009. I will pray for a blessed year for the people I love -- and for a better year for us all.

"For the sins that I remember and the sins that I forget" -- a prayer that will be heard in most synagogues tonight. There is so much to atone for -- in the world, in our communities, in our faith communities, in our homes, in our selves.

But, I will also take the time to remember all of my blessings and feel grateful -- grateful for my family, my friends, and the work I am called to do.

May this be a year of blessings for us all.

Wasting Your Tax Dollars: New Grants For Abstinence Education Announced

I imagine that you are as worried about the current economic crisis as I am -- the federal deficit, our IRAs and other retirement funds, the federal bailout of Wall Street, your mortgages, your ability to get loans to send your children to college, the price of gas and groceries, and so on.

It's a pretty scary time.

So, I thought you might want to see how some of your tax dollars are being spent. According to the National Abstinence Clearinghouse, here are the list of organizations that just received grants for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. Note how many of them are crisis pregnancy centers, pro-life organizations, religious organizations, and organizations with fear-based curricula. I don't know the content of these particular programs, so maybe a few of them are doing important work on helping young teens delay, but I do know that they have to teach that sexual behavior only belongs in heterosexual marriage and that the don't teach contraception and STD prevention, no less acknowledge LGT teens. These amounts are huge -- bigger than the entire budget of my organization.

Remember that the federal evaluation has not found a single program yet that has been effective at helping young people abstain from sex until they are married. And think about sending your Congressperson a note that this program must be brought to a close. Teenagers lives and futures are at stake -- and frankly, the U.S. can't continue to spend OUR money this way.

Here's the list:

Crisis Pregnancy Center, Inc.Anchorage, AK$352,926
Care Net Pregnancy Center of the Tanana ValleyFairbanks, AK$541,444
Teens Empowerment Awareness with Resolutions, Inc.Phenix City, AL$486,
137Prim N Proper/Choosing to ExcelConway, AR$600,000
Tree of Life Preventive Health Maintenance, Inc.Fort Smith, AR$512,500Arizona
Mexico Border Health FoundationTucson, AZ$550,000
Crisis Pregnancy Centers of TucsonTucson, AZ$599,969
Riverside-San Bernardino County Indian Health, Inc.Banning, CA$512,500
Pacific Camps Family ResourceCamarillo, CA$599,539
Imperial Valley Regional Occupatioinal ProgramEl Centro, CA$495,837
Life NetworkColorado Springs, CO$402,700
Friends First, Inc.Littleton, CO$599,939
Young Men's Christian Association of Pueblo, COPueblo, CO$599,600
Best Friends FoundationWashington, DC$550,000
Heartland Rural Health Network, Inc.Avon Park, FL$497,830
Catholic Charities of Central Florida, Inc.Orlando, FL $600,000
Live the Life Ministries, Inc.Tallahassee, FL$599,870
A Women's Place MinistriesTampa, FL$600,000First
Care Family Resources, Inc.West Palm Beach, FL$600,000River Road, Inc.Albany, GA$484,180
Choosing the Best, Inc.Atlanta, GA$600,000
Quest for Change, Inc.Avondale Estates, GA$480,799
New Horizons Community Service BoardColumbus, GA$573,059
Wilkinson County Board of EducationIrwinton, GA$418,896
Willie M Simpson Evangelistic Ministries, Inc.Jonesboro, GA$431,509
Friends of Cobb County Commision on Children and YouthMarietta, GA$600,000
Family Advocacy ServicesCarbondale, IL$600,000
I. A.M. A.B.L.E. Center for Family Development, Inc.Chicago, IL$600,000
Joyous Years Youth EmpowermentChicago, IL$600,000
Saints Mary and Elizabeth MedicalChicago, IL$549,625
Abstinence and Marriage Education PartnershipWheeling, IL$512,500
Abstinence Education, Inc.Wichita, KS$600,000
New Hope CenterCrestview Hills, KY$599,988
Women for Life Inc. (d/b/a Assurance: Care for Women and Girls)Lexington, KY$550,000
Congregacion Leon de JudaBoston, MA$600,000
The Women's Clinic of Kansas CityIndependence, MO$512,500
Better Family Life, Inc.St. Louis, MO$599,800
Thrive St. Louis Pregnancy Resources CenterSt. Louis, MO$549,755
Family Resource Center of Raleigh, Inc.Raleigh, NC$512,500
Father Flanagan's Boys' BoulevardBoys Town, NE$550,000
City of NorfolkNorfolk, NE$469,860
Winnebago Tribe of NebraskaWinnebago, NE$395,460
IMPACT Community Development CorporationMontclair, NJ$600,000
Harvest of Hope Family Services Network, Inc.Somerset, NJ$550,000
Free Teens USA, Inc.Westwood, NJ$550,000
Socorro General HospitalSocorro, NM$550,000
Be'er Hagolah Institutes, Inc.Brooklyn, NY$290,398
Boys & Girls Club of the Northtowns of Western New YorkBuffalo, NY$512,500Elizabeth's
New Life Center, Inc.Dayton, OH$600,000St. Vincent Mercy Medical CenterToledo, OH$600,000
Linclon Intermediate Unit-12New Oxford, PA$550,000
Palmetto Family CouncilColumbia, SC$600,000
Rural America InitiativesRapid City, SD$512,500
Alpha CenterSioux Falls, SD$600,000
Women's Care Center of Rhea County, Inc.Dayton, TN$392,540
Boys to MenJohnson City, TN$498,140
Douglas-Cherokee Economic Authority, Inc.Morristown, TN$582,822
Austin LifeGuard Character and Sexuality EducationAustin, TX$582,900
Alternative Community Development ServicesDallas, TX$454,922
Texas CollegeTyler, TX$600,000
Charlottesville Pregnancy CenterCharlottesville, VA$548,843
Clarkston School District J250-185Clarkston, WA$464,162
Teen-Aid, Inc.Spokane, WA$599,762
AWARE, Inc.Vancouver, WA$499,849
AIDS Resource Center of WisconsinGreen Bay, WI$600,000
Center for Self Sufficiency, Inc.Milwaukee, WI$599,800
School District of WestfieldWestfield, WI$491,819

Who Won The Debate?

I was the only woman on the Wesleyan extemporaneous debate team in college and one of the few women on the circuit during those three years.

I learned a lot from college debate. Answer the question. Stay on topic. Don't worry about what you don't know; tell them what you do. Don't make faces at your opponent. Smile. Use small gestures. Keep your hair out of your eyes. Dress nicely. Talk to the audience. Appeal to the judges. And that my team would benefit because the expectations of me, as a woman in a male "sport," would be low.

I had to cringe as I listened to some of the debate commentary last night. There was some consensus that at least Sarah Palin hadn't done anything terrible and that Joe Biden had treated her with appropriate respect. Is it really 2008 not 1975?

I'll let you decide who won. Sexual rights surely did not. The bottom line agreement on laws protecting same-sex couples but opposition to marriage equality was not unexpected, but still made me sad. Allowing that marriage should be a decision made by the faith community was better than saying that we should "tolerate" all people, but STILL, I would have liked to have heard more affirmation for LGBT persons from both sides. Senator Biden said something about his violence against women act twice and Roe v. Wade once; Governor Palin mentioned international women's rights once. I would have really liked to have heard questions and answers on AIDS, the Supreme Court, abortion, sexuality education, pay equity, parenting support, and so on.

So who won? Let me know what you think. Surely the differences could not be more stark. Make sure you are registered to vote. Make sure you have gotten an absentee ballot and vote now if you are going to be unable to on November 4th. The post play of the debate really isn't that important -- the future of the country is.

It's October -- Are You Celebrating?

I received an email this morning saying it was International Non-Violence Day in honor of Gandhi's birthday.

October is also National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and Let's Talk About Sex Month (to encourage parent/child communication about sexuality.) National Coming Out Day is in a few weeks as well.

It's easy to be a bit cynical about these months, colored ribbons, and colored jelly wrist bands. Surely, these represent issues that should be talked about all twelve months of the year. Surely we are called to educate ourselves and our congregations about these issues on a regular basis.

But, on the other hand, wouldn't it be great to see these issues raised by a reporter or in one of the upcoming debates? Or, maybe you've been looking for a reason to preach on a sexual issue and you could tie it to one of these.

And maybe it's a reminder to think about these issues in the context of your own life. Schedule a mammogram or remind the women over 35 you love to do so. Reach out or donate to your local domestic violence shelter. Talk to your own children about sexuality. Share your story about coming out or make sure your workplace or church or school is a safe place for LGBT people to do so. Ask a local candidate where they stand on these issues.

Pick one -- or think about another. Let me know.

Happy 60th Birthday, Rev. Forrest Church

Taking a day off from the world to observe Rosh Hashana was good for my soul.

It also helped not being on email or reading anything about the economic crisis for a day.

It gave me time to look again at "Love and Death: My Journey Through the Shadow of Death." It is the Reverend Forrest Church's meditations on his definition of religion: "our human response to the dual reality of being alive and having to die." Rev. Church was told he had only months to live last winter; he just passed his 60th birthday and his 30th year at All Souls in NYC -- two goals he had hoped to meet. You may have read about him in this weekend's NY Times.

Forrest has been an inspiration to me for a long time. When I finished his book, I went on Amazon.com and bought multiple copies to give to my close friends. I'd urge you to do so as well.

La Shana Tova

At sundown tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year begins. The legend says that tonight the book of life is open and on Yom Kippour our fate for the next year will be sealed. These ten days are called the "Days of Awe."

It is a time for reverence...for prayer...for offering and asking for forgiveness...for charity...for taking stock of one's blessings and how we can better serve the world...for reflection and renewal and recommitment.

As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, I can't write those words without thinking that it is always time for all of those. That each day we awake, the book of life is open to us, and every day we should take the time, even if it is only a few moments, to feel awe -- the miracle that we are alive at all, the miracle that we are loved, the miracle that we have this day for reflection and renewal and recommitment, to ask forgiveness and to be oh so grateful.

May this be a blessed year for you and your's. May you be inscribed in the book of life and may you feel gratitude for all that is good. La Shana Tova.

Report from GCAPP in Atlanta

I'm just getting ready to leave Atlanta, where I was the first keynote speaker at the biannual meeting of GCAPP, the Georgia Campaign To Prevent Teenage Pregnancy. I talked about my new book, "What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know" with an emphasis on the conference theme of reaching out to boys and men.

What I learned in preparing for the speech is that teen men have actually had greater improvements in risk taking behaviors in recent years than teen women, in many areas. They've had a larger decrease in the proportion who have had intercourse in high school, and the average of first intercourse among boys has increased in the past 15 years. They are less likely to drink than teen girls -- although more likely to drop out of school or be the victim of a violent crime. Boys and girls have almost identical rates of being the victims of dating violence.

But, as the panelists after me dramatically pointed out the issues for teen fathers, especially young men of color, continue to be dire. And I heard a terrific presentation about "Men of Strength Clubs" that are challenging the dominant culture's view of masculinity.

As always, it is the Q&A sessions after my talks and the conversations in the hall where I learn the most. One woman asked me if I thought I was perhaps too optimistic. I told her it was an occupational hazard for a minister from a tradition that believes in universal salvation.

But, I am optimistic -- at least about our children and teenagers and the excellent work these 200 service providers are doing for them here in Georgia.

A Woman For Vice President, But Not As Your Pastor

I wrote last year about being in the audience at Renaissance Weekend and hearing Rev. Richard Land, the head of the Southern Baptist Convention, talk about why women can't be ministers. Although there were women ministers on the panel with him, he without any hesitation or even apology, said in no uncertain terms that he would never support women as senior clergy nor did he think rites performed by women could be considered valid. To say I was offended is an understatement.

At least according to an interview in Christianity Today, he has no such hesitation about a woman as Vice President, reporting indeed that he had recommended Sarah Palin as a candidate.

But, let's not think that this means that the Southern Baptists think that women can lead churches. According to a report by Religious News Service, the current issue of Gospel Today is being kept off the shelves at the SBC's Lifeway Christian Bookstores. Why? Because there are five women ministers on the cover. Read more at:

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/female-vp-okay-female-pastors-magazine-not-okay

So, what am I not getting? Apparently Mr. Land has said that the Bible only speaks out against women ministers not women Vice Presidents. But, I'm not sure what verses he could be referring to. Of course, there are those very few verses in Ephesians that say that women must be submissive to their husbands, and by inference, that no man should be submissive to a woman. But, correct me if I am wrong, I don't think there is any verse that says we can't be pastors. And then there are those Genesis and Galatian texts that say that we are all equally created in God's image.

So, a few questions are in order here. If Ms. Palin wins, might the Southern Baptists finally change their minds on women senior ministers? Or do they know if Ms. Palin has her husband's permission to run for office? And what happens if she becomes the Commander in Chief of all of the armed services, and all those military men have to report to her?

Can you really support a woman for the second highest office in the land and yet not want another woman to baptise, marry, or bury you?

I don't get it.

Prayers for Virginia Mollenkott, Eve Ensler, and the Women in the Congo

One of the greatest blessings of my move to ministry are the people I get to know and with whom I share my ministry. There are the people I work with every day -- Kate Ott, Tim Palmer, Katey Zeh, and Rev. Steve Clapp who enrich my life and work beyond words.

And then there the people I get to meet and know in the course of my ministry.

On Friday night, I attended a celebration of the life and work of Dr. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, the author of such groundbreaking books as "Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?" and more recently "Omnigender". Virginia has spoken out for the LGBT community and God's love of diversity for decades. Virginia self identifies as a transgender, lesbian, evangelical Christian (and some of you thought sexologist minister was an oxymoron!) In addition to her amazing decades of scholarship and activism, she has a huge generous heart. I wrote her how inspired I was by her work -- she wrote me back her admiration for our's, and told me to just keep doing it, one project at a time, just like she has.

And then Sunday morning, I received an email from Eve Ensler, who is currently on her third trip to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Along with the UN and UNICEF, she has created a project to stop the rape of women and girls in the Congo and to support a hospital and city to repair the tens of thousand of women who have been victims of unrelenting brutal violence. This past week, the Panzi Hospital, where women are repaired daily, was attacked by bandits. You can read more in Eve's own words at http://v10.vday.org/news-alerts/ensler-update-from-goma

The Religious Institute is launching a project in the coming weeks to engage faith communities in this Congo initiative. I'll be posting more here, but we will be asking congregations of all types to hold Congo Sabbaths during the coming year, to educate themselves and to help raise money to help women rebuild their lives after rape and torture. As people of faith, we must stand up against this violence against women's very beings.

Virginia and Eve, you inspire me by your courage, your commitment, your outrageousness, your fearlessness. I hope they'll inspire you too.

Moving Beyond Abortion As An Electoral Issue

So in the midst of this economic meltdown, what made the front pages again this week? Abortion.

The New York Times had a front page story on Catholics and abortion. The Wall Street Journal had a story on Thursday on new abortion ad campaigns. I received two proud emails from groups, Catholics United and a new pro-choice organization, on their new abortion ads in key electoral states.

Now, I am consistently and historically pro-choice, and as my regular readers know, I am strongly committed to reproductive justice and to helping people understand that abortion is always a moral decision.

BUT, goodness, even I am weary of this being a front-and-center election issue, especially given what surely we all agree are the most pressing issues -- how do we keep the economy from imploding and how do we get out of Iraq, to say nothing about how we address the concerns of the most vulnerable among us.

The fact is that the two parties couldn't have more different positions on abortion, and we all know that. The fact is that most Americans have reached their own consensus on abortion -- they want it to be legal, and they want it to rare. And in almost every poll, between 8 and 9 in every 10 Americans believe we need sex education and family planning to reduce unintended pregnancies. As I often say from pulpits and in my writing, because life is so precious, surely we can agree to work together to ensure that it is not created unintentionally or carelessly.

Isn't it time we acknowledged that there is indeed a consensus on this and move on? And are there others of you out there who can't wait for it to be November 5th??

Redux -- YES I meant I believe in sex education starting in kindergarten

So, silly me -- I thought this flap over sex education in kindergarten would be quickly over, once the facts about the Illinois law were known and that it would be dropped.

I mean we do have this very scary economic crisis going on.

But, last night, on CNN, it was brought up again by the conservative commentator, and then I heard him say, "Barack Obama supports the SIECUS guidelines, and that means teaching about body parts in kindergarten." He went on for a bit, but I didn't hear it, because I was so stunned to hear him mention the SIECUS guidelines.

Why? Well, because those Guidelines are one of the things I am most proud of in my 30 year career...I conceived them, I put together the task force of professionals from leading education and health organizations to develop them (including the CDC, the American Medical Association, and the National Council of Churches of Christ), and along with Dr. Bill Yarber, I developed the framework and edited the 1991 first version and the 1996 update. I also oversaw their adaptation for schools in Brazil, Russia, India, the Czech Republic, and Nigeria. The guidelines form the basis for some of the best curricula, including Our Whole Lives, in the country.

In other words, it was a little like listening to hearing your child "dissed" on national television. I was first proud (wait, wait, did he just say SIECUS guidelines?) and then angry about them being distorted -- and then even angrier about them being injected into the presidential campaign, as if they were a bad idea.

So, yes, sex education in school should begin the primary grades and continue in an age appropriate manner through schooling -- actually, throughout life. I think most adults would agree that our need for information actually continues into midlife and beyond (but that's a subject for another post.)

But, really, CNN commentator and folks on the right -- don't we all have much bigger issues to worry about -- like which candidate is going to do a better job on the economy and national security?

UPDATE: Huffington Post just added my more extended blog on this. Read it at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-debra-haffner/yes-sex-education-in-kind_b_126899.html

Even the Red States are Really Purple....

My weekend in Fort Wayne, Indiana, included keynoting a conference for people of faith from a wide number of churches, doing a parenting workshop, leading the adult education session and preaching at a UCC congregation.

I was reminded -- once again -- that even in the most conservative areas, people need and want a message that affirms sexuality as part of spirituality and full inclusion for us all.

Here's some of what happened this weekend:

An elderly couple with tears running down their faces asked if they could hug me after I preached, the woman saying, "I've never had my gay son affirmed this way at church before."

A couple with a young child reached out to me to talk about how and when to talk to their child about their use of IVF to conceive.

Two gay men told me that they have plans to go to Massachusetts to get married later this fall and asked for my blessing.

A woman thanked me for acknowledging women like her who had been sexually abused as children.

At last a handful of clergy who had never heard of the Religious Institute joined our network.

Oh, and an elderly man handed me a cookie when I got off the plane, welcoming me to Fort Wayne.

It's good to remember that even in the red states, there are many progressive people who support sexual justice -- and welcome the stranger and love their neighbor.

Fascinating...

I'm off this morning to speak and preach in Fort Wayne, Indiana this weekend.

I thought I'd post a piece of the sermon I gave last weekend. It's about a discipline I learned this summer from my dear friend, Rev. Kathryn Booth.

Have a blessed weekend!

Here it is:

Let’s call it the practice of “fascinating.” Kathryn is starting a contemplative retreat center in Acadia with her partner, but in order to have health insurance and some guarantee of a weekly income, she works as the office manager of a hospice. At a staff meeting one day, one of her co-workers exploded in anger at another and left the room. The woman she had directed her anger at then said calmly and quietly, “fascinating.” “Fascinating?!” asked Kathryn, “What do you mean?” And the woman explained to her that whenever she encounters someone’s anger or contempt or anxiety, especially when it seems to be directed at her, she steps back and thinks, “Fascinating. I wonder what’s going on for her or him to be acting that way.”

Think about it…this is one step beyond the Buddhist’ principle of detachment. It asks us to step back and actually feel compassion for the other person, to remember that we rarely know what is going on "where the spirit meets the bone. " Try it, the next time someone is impatient with you in line at the store or at work or rude or you get an email that was better left unsent or your co-worker or partner is angry or upset with you. Don’t engage your ego; it may not be about you. Think “fascinating” and wonder what might be going on for them —and then decide how to react, if at all.

I’ve also discovered that “fascinating” can be an internal spiritual practice as well. Next time you find yourself anxious or depressed or inexplicably angry, step back from yourself for a moment and observe. “Fascinating. I wonder what this is about.” Show the same compassion for yourself that you hope to show for others. “Hmm…fascinating.” A therapist many years ago wisely taught me, “You have feelings. You are not your feelings.” If perhaps we can think to ourselves, “fascinating”, we can more easily move to the next moment.

Try it, and let me know. Fascinating.

Yes, Sex Education for Kindergarteners

Sex education has made it into the national campaign, but not in the way I would hope.

Last year, you may remember that I had the opportunity to debate Bill O'Reilly on whether sex education should begin in kindergarten.

I said then, and I'll repeat now, that I believe in K - 12 sex education. So do more than 150 national health, medical, religious, and youth-serving organizations.

Sex education in the early primary years sets a foundation for later, more in-depth education. It includes lessons on taking good care of your body, family roles, treating people with respect, the names of body parts, and sex abuse prevention. It helps children feel good about their bodies, their gender, their families, and gives them age-appropriate information. It teaches them "no, go, tell" about sexual abuse -- say no, get away, and tell an adult you trust what happened. It supports parent/child communication about these issues.

The Unitarian Universalist Association and United Church of Christ sex education program "Our Whole Lives" includes a model K-12 program. I wish all children received such basic, supportive programs.

The curriculum DOES NOT include discussions of sexual behaviors or contraceptive methods or other information that would not be age-appropriate for five- or six-year-olds. The ad referenced in the article is supposed to scare viewers by conjuring up images of sexually explicit material being presented to five-year-olds -- nothing could be further from the truth.

And Mr. O'Reilly, I still think that five-year-olds can be taught that babies grow in a special place inside their mother called a uterus.

Jonas Brothers, purity rings, and what teenagers need

Until a week ago, I hadn't heard of these latest new boy band. They are the Jonas Brothers, and from what I've gathered, they are these tweens' version of NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and oh, dating myself, David Cassidy and the Partridge Family.

On Monday night at the MTV awards, a British Rocker named Brand (who I hadn't heard of either) made fun of them for wearing "purity rings." These rings are part of a faith-based program for teens to pledge to not have sex until marriage. Jordan Sparks, of American Idol fame, also has made her pledge public, and fired back at Brand that not everyone was a "slut."

I thought to myself, "when did personal choices about sexual activity - or lack of -- become a public declaration of superior morality?" The Jonas Brothers and Jordan Sparks are all under 20 and most are still in high school. Almost all of us would agree that it is better for high school age teenagers not to engage in sexual intercourse until they are emotionally and cognitively mature enough to handle its consequences, but I am troubled by the suggestion that all of those that do, are making immoral choices.

Here are some facts. Although some studies indicate that abstinence pledges cause young people to delay having intercourse, it's only by about a year and a half and those same studies show that when they do have sex, they are more likely to not use contraception and condoms. Pledgers are also many times more likely to have had oral sex or anal sex than non-pledgers, substituting other sexual behaviors. And no program has evidence that it delays sex until marriage, the explict promise that is being made. For more than sixty years, about 90% of people have first intercourse before they are married.

What young people need from us is more than symbolic gestures. As I've written about numerous times on this blog, and in my books, is they need adult help in making healthy and responsible decisions about their sexual behaviors, consistent with their own values. We need to support the virgins and the teens who are engaging in sexual behaviors in loving, committed relationships responsibly.

Could Sarah and Bristol Palin Be A Turning Point on Sex Education?

After a week that included a day in New York taping ABC News and a less than 24-hour trip to St. Paul, I was glad for a quiet Saturday and homecoming at church yesterday.

I've been a little taken aback by some of the criticism I've received about my blogs last week, including ones from the United Kingdom and Australia that called me mean-spirited and nasty. The comments on my blog took on an unusually heated tone as well.

For those who think Sarah Palin's family should be off limits, I wonder what you thought of her doing exclusive cover stories with People and US Weekly, including extensive family pictures. I'll repeat, I don't think you can have it both ways.

I'm more troubled, though, that these seem to be the ONLY interviews she's given this past week. Shouldn't we all be concerned that she's being sold as a personality, indeed a celebrity, rather than a serious policy maker? I look forward to hearing interviews from Sarah Palin, policy maker, not home maker.

The New York Times ran this excellent op ed piece this weekend on the need for sexuality education in light of Bristol Palin joining the more than 400,000 other young women who will give birth as teenagers this year. I wonder if, in some odd way, this whole situation will move the country's debate on sexuality education forward. Just as Rock Hudson personalized AIDS and Ellen DeGeneres personalized gay people when she came out, perhaps Bristol Palin, in a way that Jamie Lynn Spears did not, will help people understand that all young people need complete and accurate information about their sexuality.

In recent months, an additional 10 states have decided to stop accepting federal abstinence-only-until-marriage education funding, bringing the total number of states rejecting it to 25. Maybe we are at a turning point after all.

What I Told the Press at the RNC

I'm back from St. Paul. -- tired but glad I had this opportunity to represent progressive people of faith.

Here's the first piece I've seen coming out of our press conference. Here's a clip with me from ABC News NOW this week.

Here's how I began and end my comments:

"As faith leaders, we offer our compassionate support to the Palin family, but we are here today to present a religious foundation for supporting programs to prevent teenage pregnancy and diseases and assure healthy futures. Governor Palin has said that her daughter made her own decision, but the party platform supports policies that deny personal decision making about sexual matters, from abstinence-only-until-marriage education to denying women abortions even in cases of rape and incest to denying same sex couples the right to marry....

It is time...it is way past time...for policy makers in both parties to cease funding abstinence-only-until marriage programs that are not only ineffective, but put our teenagers at risk -- at risk for pregnancy, at risk for disease, at risk for short changed futures, for the denial of the gift of their sexuality. It is time to provide all of our young people with comprehensive sexuality education that respects the diversity of values in a community and provides full and medically accurate information. It's the only moral response."

What a fascinating election season this will be. It is clear from the past two weeks that sexual justice issues will be centrally discussed and debated. As progressive people of faith, I urge you to become involved. Read all you can. Volunteer. Help register people to vote. Get your absentee ballots now if you will be out of town. Talk to your friends. Make sure your young adult children are registered. VOTE.

Together, let us make sure that when the pollsters and the media and the public discuss "values voters", they know that we vote our values too.

I'm at the RNC, speaking at a faith press conference on sexuality education and other sexual justice issues

I received a call late yesterday afternoon, to come out to St. Paul and do a press conference at the RNC meetings on a faith based perspective on sexuality education and adolescent sexuality. Here's the press release. It's at 2 p.m. CST...please keep me in your prayers.

Advocates of Comprehensive SexualityEducation Holding Press Conference in St.Paul , Minnesota (Sept. 4, 2008 -- St.Paul , MN ) A panel ofclergy, youth and family advocates, and educators will hold a press conference today at 2:00 PM in the Mezzanine Conference Room of theAlliance Bank Center, at 55 East5th Street , St. Paul .

These leaders will call on elected officials at the stateand federal levels to stop funding for abstinence-only programs and to protectadolescent health by supporting comprehensive sexuality education. Although $1.5 billion dollars in taxpayer money has beenspent on abstinence-only programs since 1996, abstinence-only programs are noteffective. One in four teenage girls has a sexually-transmitte d infection, andof the 750,000 teen pregnancies that occur each year, 82% are unintended.*

The best way to protectAmerica ¢s young people fromunintended pregnancies, and from sexually-transmitte d diseases and infections,is by providing comprehensive sexuality education in our public schools. .

Speakers will include: Rev. Debra Haffner, Director of the Religious Institute onSexual Morality, Justice, and Healing; Rev. Robert Eller-Isaacs, Minister of Unity Church-Unitarian of St. Paul andPresident of the Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association; Brigid Riley, Executive Director of Minnesota Organization for AdolescentPregnancy, Prevention and Parenting (MOAPP); Dr. William J. Doherty, Marriage and Family Therapist andLicensed Psychologist ; Libby Arnosti, seventeen-year- old high school student andcongregant at Unity Church-Unitarian.

If you're out here, please join us. I'll tell you how it goes later!

More on Sarah Palin

The Sarah Palin story is a national Rorschach test.

Let me be clear about my other posts -- I was not saying that I know ANYTHING about why Bristol Palin became pregnant. I was saying that based on Governor Palin's policies, I was pretty sure that she hadn't had discussions about pregnancy prevention in her home. I've also learned through news reports that she didn't have that type of education in her school or her church either. Yes, to some of those who have commented here and on my posts at Huffington and RH RealityCheck, teens who have comprehensive sexuality education get pregnant too. But, again, the research is pretty compelling that when parents talk to their teens about their values about sexual intercourse AND talk to them about contraception and/or condoms, they are more likely to protect themselves.

I am also not saying that Governor Palin is a bad mother for her choice to run. What's so interesting to me is that at least the conservative women I've seen interviewed aren't questioning the ability to take care of five children, two with pressing needs, and run for the second highest office in the country. Could it be that progressive mothers are because we are more likely to be working at executive level jobs and thus more likely to know, to have lived how hard it is to balance the needs of our children and our positions?

I can only speak for myself. I am, as my regular readers know, the proud mother of a now 15 year old son and 23 year old daughter. I have had a career (and indeed a vocation) through their lives. But, I took six months of maternity leave and eased back into work both times with weekly days at home. I have turned down offers to apply for jobs as presidents of much larger organizations because my children were too small for me to have a job that required 24/7. When my daughter became an adolescent, I made the decision to primarily work from home during her high school years. I have worked hard and made choices so that my children would always know and feel that they were my first priority.

I don't think progressive women reacting to Palin are re-igniting the Mommy Wars as the press has said. I don't think progressive women are saying that a working mother can't be President or Vice President. It's more that we can't imagine what it would take to do it -- especially given the Palin family's challenges at this time.

One last word from yesterday's comments -- if the Palin's want to keep Bristol's situation private, then why in heaven would they fly Levi Johnson to the convention?? Will he join them on the stage tonight? Will he be held up as the teenage boy who did right by his girlfriend? Again, I just don't think you can have it both ways.

Sarah Palin's Family Values

UPDATE: For my take on Tuesday, visit http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-debra-haffner/bristol-palin-mary-cheney_b_123164.html ...and if you have ABC News NOW on your cable system, I taped a piece with Annie Pleshett Murphy earlier today.

Monday's Post:


When I told my 23-year-old daughter the news about Sarah Palin's daughter, she said, "Mom, this must just be a joke. Did you check?"

The Democratic candidate has asked that his family and children be off limits. The Republican party says that this pregnancy is a PRIVATE FAMILY MATTER, although their policies surely don't support privacy for all women dealing with unintended pregnancies. Gov. Palin, according to MSNBC, has said that this was her daughter's own decision.

Really?

In 2006, Gov. Palin reportedly said that she would not support abortion even in the case of her own daughter becoming pregnant from rape. She opposes comprehensive sexuality education, and supports abstinence-only-until-marriage education. I can't know, of course, but I'm wondering how much talk there was about sexual limit-setting beyond "just say no" and contraception in the Palin household. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that there wasn't much discussion either about all of Bristol's legal options when she told her parents about her pregnancy.

The research, as I've written about in my books for parents (see the list to the right), is quite clear. In homes where parents talk openly about sexuality with their children, including their values about premarital sex, contraception and STD prevention, their children are more likely to delay sexual activity and more likely to protect themselves if they do have sex. Perhaps Gov. Palin should reconsider her positions on teenage pregnancy prevention.

But something else has been bothering me all weekend, that seems even more troubling in light of this news. In my books, I have quoted the adage, "you are only as happy as your most unhappy child." Gov. Palin is the mother of a newborn with a disorder and of a 17-year-old who is about to have a baby while she's in high school. I have only the greatest compassion for what these past five months must have been like in her family. I've sat with enough families with children with disabilities and pregnant teens to know how heartbreaking these situations are -- and how much they demand of parents.

How is it, then, that she decided THIS was the time to run for national office? My family values -- and the decisions I've made throughout my career -- have always put challenging times in my family first. How come the "family values" folks aren't talking about that?