More "Reasoning Together"

I've received a number of emails off line about yesterday's post on "Come Let Us Reason Together" and I've now had the time to read the paper carefully several times.

First, here's the link directly to the paper: http://www.faithinpubliclife.org/content/feature/upload/2007/10/Third%20Way%20report.pdf Apparently, some of you couldn't get to what I posted yesterday.

And I do encourage you to read the paper -- slowly and carefully. The authors say that they are "writing primarily for progressives who too often have an impoverished understanding of Evangelicals." If that's you, this presents a good history, up-to-date polling data on attitudes and voting by Evangelicals, and I think some encouraging data about how half of evangelicals are progressive or moderate on social issues (I think the one fifth, one third, one half formula is very helpful.) I also think that the section on "shared principles for the role of religion in the public square" is very useful, especially for those of us who work with people whose religiophobia protests public engagement by religious leaders.

Second, I misspoke in yesterday's email about the role of some organizations -- I now know for sure that colleagues at Americans United and HRC were asked for review and comments, and the Union of Reform Judaism's President was included in a list of supporting statements. Nevertheless, (and please Third Wave correct me if I'm wrong), pro-choice religious organizations were not interviewed, quoted, read, or consulted for the section of the report on these issues.

Indeed, had this report been titled and promoted differently, I might have easily recommended it to you as what one supporter identifies it is: "a response to progressives about evangelicals." Had the report been labeled as an effort to find common ground for "those who consider themselves progressive and evangelical" with those who are conservative evangelicals (which indeed is what it seems to be), I would have hailed it as a vital first step. Both one of the authors and a staff person from Faith in Public Life have written on a faithbloggers list serv, partially in response to my post, that this is only a first step and that they know that they didn't present the history, polling data, or wide range of views of progressive religious people on these issues.

But, then why promote it, as the subtitle and the press releases suggest as "A Fresh Look at Shared Cultural Values Between Progressives and Evangelicals" while acknowledging that you are aiming it at a particular audience. Does Third Way have a report planned to help evangelicals understand US? Because surely the history of the progressive movement for social reform, the attitudes of progressive and mainstream religious people, and the movements for sexual and social justice would be equally enlightening to the evangelical movement.

But, let me take their conclusion at face value: they say that this report offers "first steps across that [the cultural divide] bridge." It is indeed important to seek common ground, and I believe that there is vast mainstream support for the vast majority of sexual justice issues. Just for starters, Americans of all types of backgrounds support sexuality education, HIV prevention, the availability of contraception, safeguards for children on the Internet, the need to strengthen families, stem cell research and the civil rights (including employment rights) of gays and lesbians in large majorities. At the Religious Institute, we've participated in some very exciting common ground efforts on reproductive rights (and I'll be sending that report on to the folks at Third Wave) and our Open Letters provide solid theological support for sexual justice.

We believe that there is common ground and a need for respectful dialog and engagement. We don't believe that we are part of a "cultural war" but rather responding to people's deep need and hunger for sexual healing and justice. Third Wave, we look forward to talking with you about your planned next steps and how to bring religious professionals who are progressive on sexual justice issues into your conversations -- and next reports.

Common Ground Requires Both Sides

I was at an all day meeting yesterday sponsored by the Guttmacher Institute on the role of faith based organizations and community based organizations in providing sexuality education, so I missed the release of a new report by the Third Wave Foundation, “Come Let Us Reason Together.”

It’s a long report that purports to be about offering “shared cultural values between evangelicals and progressives”, especially on five sexuality-related issues. I hoped to find a balanced report of a process of finding common ground.

But, it doesn’t even try. The authors are leading evangelicals and people associated with the Third Way Foundation. Although I like and work with one of the authors, I think it’s fair to say that there is scant representation of progressive religious voices in the report. Indeed, although the report includes sections such a “Brief History of Evangelicals” and “Evangelical Views Are More Nuanced than Believed” there is no corresponding history of progressive religion or how progressive religious people’s views are too not the stereotypes so often presented. The Sources listed do not present even a single progressive religious author writing on the five key issues. And needless to say, no one contacted us here at the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing for our input and review. But not just us – the United Church of Christ, the Unitarian Universalist Association, the Union for Reform Judaism, the Religious Coalition on Reproductive Choice, Catholics for a Free Choice, faith based welcoming groups…no, not quoted and probably not consulted either.

I encourage you to read the report, and I think it raises some good issues, specifically about the need for respect and understanding and seeking common ground. I want to take the time to read it throughly, before I write more about how they treat the five issues. (Although as I have written before, I am willing to join in a call for reducing unintended pregnancies but not on reducing abortions, not as long as availability is under attack.)

But for now I have one question for my friends and colleagues at Faith and Public Life: How do you issue a call for common ground that doesn’t include half of the participants in the discussion?

Bad vibrations

A Southern Baptist minister friend sent me this link to a story this weekend:

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jVTk0RxEEvO0n78b2XK1H8vSPXiQD8S0L3FO1

It turns out that in addition to not hearing the two church/state cases I wrote about last Monday, the U.S. Supreme Court also declined to hear a case about whether its constitutional to prohibit the sale of sex toys in Alabama. Their action means the law now says it is illegal to sell vibrators in Alabama, as well as Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas.

Now, to be clear, the law doesn't prohibit one from owning or using a sex toy in those states, or from selling a medical device (think back massager) that could be used for some other, ie, non-sexual, purpose. It's just selling anything that has an exclusive purpose of sexual pleasure, specifically genital pleasure.

I admit I haven't read the court documents on the case, and I certainly understand why the Justices might not have wanted to issue opinions about it (I'll leave it to Jon Stewart or SNL to take a shot at Judge Thomas' likely response) -- but I don't get it.

How can selling guns that kill people be legal when vibrators are not?

Read me on Senator Craig on Huffington Post!

I'm excited to tell YOU, my regular readers, that today I became an officially approved Huffington Post blogger.

You can read my column on Senator Craig's latest announcement here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-debra-haffner/redeeming-senator-craig_b_67348.html

And if you can add a comment there or even tell them I'm one of your favorite bloggers, that would be great.

Have a lovely long weekend.

Knicks Knicked...for $10 million

I cheered to myself this morning when I heard that the jury had awarded Anucha Brown Sanders $10 million dollars in her sexual harassment suit against Isaiah Thomas and Madison Square Garden. In her press conference yesterday she said something like, "I brought the suit for all working women."

I was struck by the irony that this suit was settled the same week that Clarence Thomas is back in the news, saying that Anita Hill's description of his illegal sexualized behavior was false.

Like countless other women, I have been sexually harassed in the workplace and lost my job because of it. It happened more than 30 years ago when I was fired from a teaching assistant position because I said no to sex with the professor. Except in 1975, people didn't talk about sexual harassment, instead teaching young women as one person I complained to said, "stuff like that happens to women. Look for another position. No one will believe you anyway."

I didn't tell anyone else. Sixteen years later, during the Clarence hearings, people said, "She must be lying. Otherwise she would have complained about it earlier."

Except we didn't -- out of fear, out of shame, out of believing that it was just something that sometimes happened to women.

Sexual harassment is now illegal in the workplace, and women and men today know better than to make degrading sexual statements or unwelcome sexual advances...that after the first "no", all requests should cease.

Well, not all men and women. Isaiah Thomas and James Dolan who fired Ms. Brown Sanders should have known better. May they serve as a reminder to us all.

Preventing Domestic Violence is More Than A Ribbon

I was reminded today at a local clergy association meeting that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. We were given purple ribbons to indicate our support of survivors.

It's easy to scoff at the preponderance of special days and special months, but in this case, at least for me, it was an important reminder. Domestic violence is one of those issues that is talked about too little, often acknowledged too late in faith communities.

It brought me back to the summer of 1975 when I was looking for my first job. I had applied for a position at a local domestic violence center in Washington, D.C. and was seated in the reception area waiting for an interview. A woman, with a broken nose and split lip and two noisy toddlers sat across from me. Every once in a while, I sidled an uncomfortable glance at her.

She looked right at me. "You don't think you could ever end up this way do you? Well, college girl, I went to Smith and graduated from there five years ago. I married the wrong guy and this is how I ended up. You could end up this way too."

I didn't get the job, but I've never forgotten her.

She may still be sitting in your pews. There are lots of ways women (and men) can be abused, not all physical. Domestic violence knows no bounds by income, religion, or race.

More than wearing a ribbon, ask yourself what you can do to reach out to people who may be victims, what you can do to help prevent personal intimate violence.

Remembering is only a start.

Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Women!

The Supreme Court convened on Monday and passed on hearing two court cases brought by conservative religious groups.

From the AP story:

The Supreme Court refused today to expand the rights of church groups, turning down appeals in a pair of cases.In the first, the justices rejected a free-speech claim from an evangelical minister from Northern California who wanted to hold worship services in the meeting room of a public library.

In the second, the court rejected a freedom-of-religion claim from Catholic Charities in New York, which objected to a state law that requires them to pay for contraceptives for their employees as part of their prescription drug coverage. New York, California and more than 20 other states have adopted laws that require employers to include birth control pills in their drug coverage. Though churches are exempted from these laws, the exemption does not extend to church-related groups.

To this religious leader, the Supreme Court has correctly drawn the line between the separation of church and state. Women who work for church related institutions, such as Catholic hospitals, should not be denied insurance coverage for family planning services, and clearly worship does not belong in a public library. And after last year's decision on late term abortions, it's good to know that at least for this year, there isn't an opportunity for the Court to curtail women's rights.

Moving In Day!

Today is moving in day for the Religious Institute.

Six years ago, Rev. Larry Greenfield and I had a vision of a new organization that would bring a progressive religious voice to sexuality issues.

Six years later, we have professional offices in Westport, CT, four staff members, and we are recognized as the leading multifaith advocate for sexual health, education, and justice in America's faith communities.

You can read more about our work at our web site and sign up for our monthly e-newsletter.

And wish us well as we begin our next chapter in our organization's development.

Week End Good News! Hate Crimes Prevention Bill Passes

Looking beyond the Episcopal Bishops, it was a good week for sexual rights.

The Bishops in Connecticut decided that Plan B (emergency contraception) can be distributed in Catholic hospitals (a day ahead of the law telling them it had to be offered.)

Verizon changed its policy decision about allowing NARAL, a pro-choice group, to use its text messaging system.

And most importantly, the Senate passed the Hate Crimes Bill by a large margin early today.

My colleague Harry Knox over at HRC sent out the following message:

The Mathew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act passed today by a vote of 60 to 39 in the Senate, an excellent margin! This is a huge victory for the LGBT community and for people of faith who believe that no one ought to live in fear because of who they are.

I believe to the bottom of my soul that we got this far because of the work of the faith community. Senator Kennedy’s office seems to think so as well. We got a frantic e-mail from our legislative team last night to help find scriptural passages in support of Hate Crimes and on the Senate Floor today Kennedy brought up the clergy sign-on letter for Hate Crimes that many of you signed. He also quoted from the letter on the floor.

All the work leading up to this day from the Clergy Call for Justice and Equality in April, to the letters, and sermons, and post cards, and phone calls, and editorials, and even the informal conversations you had in the hallways made this day possible. We are grateful beyond words to be in the company of such fine people.

Me too...and all of you who are working for sexual justice on so many fronts. Celebrate yourselves this weekend.

Episcopal Bishops Leave Us Nothing to Celebrate

I'm just back from the National Religious Leaders Roundtable meeting in Washington, D.C., an organization sponsored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. We are a diverse group of religious leaders supporting full equality and full inclusion of LGBT persons in society and in the life of the church.

I'm proud to be an elected member of the Steering Committee, and leave these meetings with a renewed sense of excitement and purpose about this part of my ministry. I'm grateful to Phil Soucy from Lutherans Concerned who suggested using "Advocates" instead of "Allies" as the "A" in LGBTQQIA in response to the issues I raised here a few weeks ago.

How sad it was then to read about the decision by the Episcopal Bishops in this morning's New York Times. Here's what it said:

In a voice vote, all but one bishop supported a resolution, called “A Response to Questions and Concerns Raised by Our Anglican Communion Partners.” Several conservative bishops who are considering leaving the Episcopal Church were not in attendance. The resolution affirmed the status quo of the Episcopal Church, both theological conservatives and liberals said.

It states, for example, that it “reconfirms” a call to bishops “to exercise restraint” by not consenting to the consecration of a partnered gay bishop. It also says the bishops promise not to authorize “any public rites of blessing of same-sex unions.” Still, some bishops allow such blessings to occur in their dioceses.

Both positions have been stated in past meetings of the governing body of the church, the General Convention.

In other words, they did not renounce their previous decision to elect Gene Robinson Bishop, but surely did not move further to fully include lesbian and gay persons in the denomination. I'm sure that this was seen as a compromise and an attempt to hold the worldwide communion together.

But, it was a compromise made by considering some of God's children less deserving of serving and of living family lives sanctified by the church they love, and I don't see anything to celebrate. I am certain though that one day, maybe not even so long from now, that justice will prevail. Until then, we'll just have to work and pray harder.

Plant It This Afternoon

I spent part of Yom Kippour in the healing gardens of the historic Episcopal Church in my town. The church advertises itself as offering radical welcome to all -- and in case there is any doubt what that means, it hosts the local Pride Day celebration and monthly gay bingo.

I couldn't help but wonder how they will be affected by what happens at the meeting of the American Episcopal Bishops this weekend in New Orleans. The Bishops are expected to stand up to the larger Anglican community which asked them to renounce their election of Gene Robinson, an openly gay priest, to Bishop. Their decision is expected by Tuesday. I know that many are praying both for a wider welcome and that the worldwide communion holds.

As I offered prayers, meditated, and read the Bible in this quiet garden, my eye fell on this quote, supposedly told by John F. Kennedy. It is both a call to justice and a reminder that change comes slowly.

The great French Marshall Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a tree.
The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not reach
maturity for 100 years. The Marshall replied, "in that case, there is no time
to lose. Plant it this afternoon."

I'm off to Washington DC on Monday and Tuesday for the Religious Roundtable meeting of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. We're doing Congressional visits about ENDA.

I'd like to think we are planting (fast growing) trees.

One Heart At A Time

As often happens when I speak, I am most touched by the private conversations that I have afterwards with people.

An older woman approached me in Iowa yesterday and asked to speak to me.

She said, "You're a minister, right?" I said yes.

Woman: "And you believe gay people should have the right to marry?"

Me: Yes.

Woman: "But where in the Bible does it give gay people that right?"

Me: "As I talked about the Bible recognizes that there are many types of blessed relationships. Have you ever heard the line, "Where there is love, the sacred is in our midst."

Woman: "Yes, but where in the Bible is this allowed?"

Me: "Marriage was very different when the Bible was written. Women were property, men could have multiple wives...but, tell me why this is important to you?"

Woman: "My brother has lived with a man for a long time. I want to support him, but it's hard when I've learned in church that it is wrong."

We talked for a few more minutes about how hard that must be and that yes, as a religious leader, I supported him. Her struggle was real, but she was trying. She'll get there.

Yesterday, the mayor of San Diego at a tearful press conference announced he was ready to support marriage equality, reversing his opposition. It's really worth taking the five minutes to watch this.

http://cbs5.com/video/?id=26888@kpix.dayport.com

Hearts are changing. Please join me in prayer today for the protesters in Jena, LA and for the Episcopalian bishops meeting in New Orleans. May justice roll down like mighty waters.

A Sad Decision

I'm sad to learn that the Maryland Supreme Court voted 4 - 3 to uphold the ban on marriages for same sex couples earlier today. I suppose I should be heartened that it was a close decision, and that the General Assembly will surely take up the issue in the coming year.

But, it makes me sad to think that countless Maryland families have once again been told that they just aren't as equal as others, and that their children are going to bed tonight knowing that the state doesn't protect their family. And it enrages me that this court, like the court in Washington State, based its decision partially on the ability of heterosexual couples to procreate. Perhaps someone should introduce a bill requiring fertility tests of heterosexual couples or banning heterosexual marriages when the woman is in perimenopause.

Today, the Religious Institute released a new publication, "A Time to Seek: A Study Guide on Sexual and Gender Diversity." You can read the full publication at www.religiousinstitute.org And even better, for a short time, we are able to offer free copies of A Time to Seek to clergy and lay religious leaders. If you fit that description, send us an email.

Perhaps we should send one to the 4 Maryland justices.

Off to Iowa

I'm off tomorrow morning to speak in Ames, Iowa on Wednesday. I've never been to Iowa, and it's a long trip with multiple legs from my home in Connecticut. But I understand that the Presidential candidates are spending a lot of time there, and I'm excited to talk to the Iowans (is that what they are called?) about what it's like to be so important in the coming election season. Connecticut is always a mere * in primary votes.

I also like that Iowas is the first of what I think of as the "square states" to allow same sex marriages. Well, at least they did for four hours last month. And depending on what a court decides, they may become the second state to do so.

I'll report more from the heartland when I get there.

It's Our Country Too

I often think that part of my commitment to sexual and social justice stems from my earliest experiences growing up Jewish in a predominately Christian community. In second grade, there was a "Hate Debbi Haffner" club, and I was taunted mercilessly by the Catholic girls in my class who were preparing for their first communion. I learned early on what it was to to be the outsider.

I was reminded of those feelings this week when I read the latest poll results from the First Amendment Center. They report that:

*65% of Americans believe that the nation's founders intended the U.S. to be a Christian nation.

*55% believe that the Constitution establishes a Christian nation.

And the number of people who believe that freedom to worship extends to all religious group is down 16% since 2000. Almost half believe that public schools should be able to put on Nativity re-enactments with Christian music.

That makes me still an outsider. Millions of other Americans who practice a non-Christian faith or don't practice at all too.

If this hurts you as it does me, go to First Freedom First and sign the petition after you read this.

And oh, if you are part of the 55%, here's what the Constitution says:


"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

La Shana Tova with some news thrown in

Tonight begins the Muslim celebration of Ramadan and the Jewish celebration of Rosh Hashana, the New Year.

September always feels like the beginning of the New Year to me, much more than the dark days of January. As the mom of school age children and as a minister of a church that begins its year in September, it is now that I gear up, make plans, create new resolutions, and one more time, begin anew.

It feels like a new year in this country, with true possibilities for sexual justice.

Let me review for you a few of the things that have happened since September lst:

*The California Senate passed a marriage equality bill. First passed by the California House, it awaits the Governor's signature by October 14th. (Court rulings are expected soon in Iowa, Maryland, and Connecticut.)

*The Gag Rule was overturned in the Senate by a margin of 53-41 votes. According to CHANGE, "this restrictive policy bars U.S. family planning aid, including contraceptives, to any foreign organization that uses its own funds or funds from other donors to provide information, make referrals, or counsel women on abortion; advocate for the liberalization of abortion policies; or perform legal abortion services. "

*The Senate passed a provision that grants the President authority to waive the restriction under PEPFAR (the international AIDS prevention program) that 1/3 of all U.S. global HIV prevention funding be used for abstinence-until-marriage programs.

*The Senate passed an increase in funding for international family planning and reproductive health programs in fiscal year 2008.

*Hearings were held on ENDA, the full inclusion anti-GLBT workplace discrimination bill, and a floor vote in the Senate may take place before the end of the month.

These decisions all happened as a result of last November's elections. Your votes mattered; they will continue to matter.

This New Year feels alive with possibilities.

May we be blessed with a year of progress and justice. May it be a year of health, happiness, and wisdom for you and your loved ones. May it be a year of peace.

Today -- September 11, 2007

It is pouring rain this morning in Connecticut. The skies are dark, the air is heavy, and I am resisting leaving my home.

September 11, 2001 was a beautiful day in the New York metropolitan area, with a sky like the one in this picture. I was on my way to a ministers' meeting, enjoying driving with the top down, when the first news came over Morning Edition. By the time I reached the meeting, the second plane had hit. Each of us stumbled into the meeting with shock and fear; we sat around a radio straining for more information as the church had no tv. We cried, we prayed, we sang, and within 30 minutes, one of the ministers said, "We all have to go back now to our home congregations and get to work."

And we did. Two men from our church, brothers, were killed. Others escaped. Everyone had a story of someone they knew.

They still do.

I imagine that your heart feels heavy this morning. Mine does. Filled with grief, sadness, remorse, anger. I yearn to believe "never again."

But, I don't believe that. It seems inevitable that it will happen again. Violence, terrorism, suicide bombings, war are happening all the time. Why do we think it will be different on our soil? Why don't we cry out each and every day when we read of yet another suicide bombing?

The words of Finlandia are signing in my mind as I write this:

"This is my home,

the country where my heart is,

here are my hopes, my dreams, my holy shrine,

but other hearts in other lands are beating

with hopes and dreams as true and high as mine.

...

Oh hear my song, thou God of all the nations

a song of peace for their land and for mine."

Tell the people in your life you love them. Do a mitzvah. Forgive someone who has hurt you. Tell Congress you want this war to end, regardless of yesterday's report. Hug your children. Address an injustice.

Remember.

Homecomings

Today was the homecoming service at the Unitarian Church in Westport. I've been a member of this church since 1989, and their endorsed community minister since 2003. I am not part of the staff of the church, but instead tithe my time, offering support to the ministers and the staff and services to the congregation related to sexuality issues.

I wrote this chalice lighting for homecoming Sunday. It's my wish for us all, no matter what community you call home.

The first spoken words in the Hebrew Bible are “Let there be light.” Let there be light today as we once again gather in community. Let us feel the light within each of us burn brighter. Let us feel the light of each others’ lives surround us. Let us feel the light of the new year that begins for so many of us, not in January, but in the early days of September.

Let this chalice light represent what brings us back to our beloved community – the gifts of friendship, of wisdom, of insights, of encouragement, of support. Let this light remind of us our history, our knowing, our shared silence and our shared laughter, our shared tears and our shared hope for our futures.

May our lights be rekindled – as individuals, as friends, as family, as church community.

Let there always be light.

Labels...

During the past few weeks, either in blogs or face to face meetings, several people have called me an "ally" on GLBT issues. It happened again yesterday.

You may have heard the expanded letters "GLBTQQIA" to talk about people who might be considered part of, for lack of a better word at the moment, a sexual minority. It stands for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersexual, and assexual -- or to some people "ally", meaning heterosexual people who support the others.

But, somehow "ally" doesn't reflect my internal sense of why I am committed to full inclusion of all people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity, in society and the life of the faith community.

It's made me think back to the feeling that I had growing up when I learned people labeled me as "white." Growing up Jewish in an area dominated by White Anglo Saxon Protestants and White Roman Catholics, I somehow never felt like I belonged to them. In my childhood mind, Jews and Blacks were much more closely aligned than I was to the second grade Catholic girls who taunted me ruthlessly because I wasn't going to be confirmed and thus going to hell.

I similarly don't resonate to "ally" because my commitment to sexual justice, sexuality education for all, and affirmation of our sexualities as a gift from God transcends a commitment to supporting the rights of others. The people who would deny GLBTQQI persons their sexuality and their right to responsible sexual behaviors and expressions often would also deny the right to reproductive health services, erotica, sex toys, uncensored adult materials, the Internet, and sexual behaviors that make them feel uncomfortable. (Remember that sodomy laws in almost half the states were aimed at heterosexuals as well as gay people.)

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, "injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere."

I wonder what the impact would be if all of us working for sexual justice would label ourselves as "queer".

Reflecting on Uncertainty and Faith

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Mother Teresa's death.

I've been think a lot about Mother Teresa ever since last week when I read the Time magazine cover story in my dentist's waiting room. It included excerpts from "Mother Teresa: Come be My Life", a new book that presents many of her letters to her own spiritual leaders about her questions of faith and belief. After the experience of a dramatic personal call to serve the poor in India, Mother Teresa reported her anguish in letters over five decades that she had lost her sense of God's presence in her life.

Reading the letters made her very real to me in a way that news stories have not. Although some have reported great dismay about these revelations (Time itself called the cover story, "The Secret Life of Mother Teresa" as if it was going to share some soap opera details), I found great comfort in reading the letters. I have never trusted people who believe they know the ultimate truth, whether that is the Vatican, Christian and Muslim fundamentalists, New Age writers, or the man with the sign on 42nd Street proclaiming the world will end in 2012.

I have been blessed to have moments of grace where I have directly experienced a sense of the divine, but many more moments where I have questioned whether there is any more to our lives than what we directly experience. When I am asked by people about my beliefs in an afterlife, I usually say that THIS life is all I can try to understand. I can't remember which Unitarian Universalist minister first said "the only hell and heaven we know for sure is what we all experience on this earth."

I resonate most to the times in the wilderness in the world's great faith stories. I've been there; I bet you have too. As Mother Teresa's life surely points out, how we treat each other, and how we choose to spend the precious moments of our lives, is how we live our faith.

Sex Education for Politicians...

And for the rest of us.

Several people have reminded me that this past twelve months of exposes of public figures sex lives have been going on a long time, and that many have been heterosexual men who have potentially risked everything for a sexual encounter or thrill. Think Gary Hart, Marv Alpert, Bill Clinton, James Baker, Bill Cosby, Bill O'Reilly...you get the picture.

So here are some basic pieces of sex education for adults.

Understand that you can have a sexual feeling without acting on it -- without even telling anyone about it. Think about it -- if Bill Clinton had thought to himself, "Cute Intern. Too Young, Too Risky" and moved on, he would not have been impeached.

Nothing, really nothing, is ever private between two people. Someone always tells someone. And the less the other person has to lose, the more likely they are to tell more people. In fact, unless it's your life partner, only have sex with someone who has as much to lose as you do.

Sexually healthy adults discriminate between sexual behaviors that are life enhancing -- for themselves and their partners - with those that could be destructive (of themselves or their partner(s). If there's a chance that the behavior could cost you your partner, career, reputation, say "thank you, that would have been lovely" and move on.

Stop and ask yourself is it consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable and protected? One or two out of five is not enough.

Is the behavior consistent with your values, expressed and internal. If you're found out, can you be accused of hypocrisy? More importantly, can you live with yourself?

YOUR TURN. What would you add to this list?

Craig's Last List.

I've just finished my coffee and the Sunday New York Times. It had no fewer than six articles and op ed columns about Senator Craig's resignation and a cartoon. Alberto Gonzales and Tony Snow's resignations last week were barely mentioned.

I wrote on Thursday that I didn't think Senator Craig should resign over soliciting a policeman in a public bathroom. After reading all the calls for his resignation by Republican leaders, it seems to come down to this: homophobia is so entrenched in this party that he had to pay with his career. It's the "Children's Hour" forty years later writ large.

Laura McDonald in today's New York Times wrote a fascinating column about a 1970's research report that found that "policing bathrooms is pointless" and that "blackmail, payoffs, the destruction of reputations and families, all result from police interventions" in bathroom solicitations. And so they still do 35 years later.

Surely it's time for such stings to end. Surely it's time to apply a single standard for straight and gay public leaders. And surely it's time for politicans who struggle with their own sexuality to stop trying to legislate the sexuality of others.

Super O.K.

In several ways, from this adult's perspective, the movie lives up to its name.

The language is beyond coarse, the plot predictable, the overall image of teens and twenty somethings(not to say cops) alcohol sodden and depressing, and in far too many places, I was actually bored.

But, there was also something sweet about the best friendship of the two lead male characters, who unabashedly proclaim their love for each other in the end, and condoms were featured as expected behavior, a long way from last decade's American Pie.

This movie is a good wake up call to parents to not allow your teens to go to unchaperoned parties unless you don't care about their engaging in alcohol, drugs, or sex. It would provide a long series of teachable moments if you take your 13 - 16 year old and get them to promise you a half hour to talk about it afterwards. And yes, it is laugh aloud funny in places if you can put your adult discomfort aside. I'm guessing my Facebook readers will love it.

Frankly though after a week about thinking about Larry Craig and bathroom behavior, it was just a bit too much male bonding for me. I think I'm ready for a Labor Day weekend of estrogen and chick lit.

Not the Hokey-Pokey but Close

Some of you reported being surprised by by discomfort or lack of knowledge of gay bathroom cruising techniques. I must have been absent the time that was covered in the hundreds of hours of sexuality courses and workshops I've taken over the years.

But, I was curious to understand how frequent this behavior is and the code that is used. I also wanted to use all of this news as a "teachable moment" with my 14 year old son.

So, for those of you who are ignorant, this is what one of my sexologist colleagues shared with me:

The most common way this happens is the interested/cruising party moves his foot in a subtle way. The party being approached (if they are interested) will mimic the move. Interested then makes a foot move that is move overt. Approached mimics. Then Interested makes an exaggerated movement (like a REALLY BIG and repetitive tappping of the foot) and Approached mimics again. Interested then usually moves his foot right to the "line" between the stalls and if Approached moves his over and touches Interested's foot a contact has been made. [note from Rev. Debra: I can't help but hear "You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out..."]

The reported gesture of Craig running his fingers along the bottom of the stall is NOT something that comes early in this "dance." It usually would come in place of or after the feet touch.

I know this still happens and again, public rest rooms in rest stops, public parks, etc. are the most common places. It is less common behavior today than it was before it was safe for gay people to be out. It is probably most common these days among relatively closeted guys.

So, now you know. My colleague also told me that the proper response is "not interested, no thank you." When I shared that with my son, he told me if some guy's foot came into his stall, I'd have to forgive him for not using such polite language.

Casting the First Stone....

The Senator Craig story has gone from an article in a little know Capitol Hill publication to dominating the news cycle. Calls for his resignation are coming in from every quarter, and today he stepped down from his major committee assignments.

Now, this may surprise some of my readers, but I don't think he should be forced to resign. I've heard some Republicans say that his conduct was unbecoming of a Senator; well, yes, but why aren't these seem leaders calling for Senator Vitter's resignation or at least an ethics committee investigation? Oh, that's right, all he did was use a female escort service on a regular basis.

It's that double standard -- it's okay for Republican men to engage in extramarital sex as long as it's with a woman (I can't help but think of Rudy Guiliani who announced he was divorcing his wife and seeing another woman at a press conference to his wife's surprise) but soliciting a possible sex act from another man means a call for your resignation? Surely using escorts is unbecoming conduct, and in both cases, I wonder about the judgement of a public elected figure taking the risk to engage in the behavior. If Craig had solicited sex from a woman in the airport bar would anyone have cared?

I don't believe that Senator Craig acted ethically or morally, but with all those Republicans asking him to resign, I can't help but think about Jesus suggesting that he who was without sin should pick up the first stone. If you recall, they all went home.

***

Hypocrisy Redux

The opinion pages of the Wall Street Journal, of all places, are urging progressive leaders to show compassion for Senator Craig. Really, this is what it said in part:

"...we'd like to step back and, without drawing any conclusions about Craig beyond what is on the public record, make a case more generally for liberal compassion toward closeted homosexual politicians who oppose gay rights.

The liberal view of homosexuality is based on two claims: an empirical one and a moral one. The empirical claim is that sexual orientation is inborn, a trait over which one has no control. The moral claim is that homosexuality is no better or worse than heterosexuality; that a gay relationship, like a traditional marriage, can be an expression of true love and a source of deep fulfillment. Out of these claims flows the conclusion that opposition to gay rights is akin to racism: an unwarranted prejudice against people for a trait over which they have no control.

For the sake of argument, suppose this liberal view is true. What does it imply about the closeted homosexual who takes antigay positions? To our mind, the implication is that he is a deeply tragic figure, an abject victim of society's prejudices, which he has internalized and turned against himself. "Outing" him seems an act of gratuitous cruelty, not to mention hypocrisy if one also claims to believe in the right to privacy.

According to the Statesman, the blogger who "outed" Craig did so in order to "nail a hypocritical Republican foe of gay rights." But there is nothing hypocritical about someone who is homosexual, believes homosexuality is wrong, and keeps his homosexuality under wraps. To the contrary, he is acting consistent with his beliefs. If he has furtive encounters in men's rooms, that is an act of weakness, not hypocrisy.

Now, I don't support "outing" people for their private, consensual sexual behavior, but the reason any of us outside of Idaho are talking about this is because Senator Craig was arrested for and pleaded guilty to lewd public behavior. And the hypocrisy is NOT the act in the bathroom or anything else he has done sexually, but the fact that he has consistently opposed rights for gay people. According to one news report I read he has a 100% rating from the Christian Coalition. Scott over at RHrealitycheck did a good job of addressing this.

But, I do feel compassion for Senator Craig and his family. Because in the world that I am working for he would be able to affirm his sexual orientation whatever it is, have meaningful intimate relationships, and engage in moral, ethical sexual behavior. The values he espoused about sexuality would be the values he lived.

I do not believe that I should judge private adult consensual behavior, but when it invades public spaces or when that person is a public figure actively working against the very behaviors that he engages in, then I think we have the right to weigh in. Yes, I expect that many of us are experiencing a sense of schadenfreude (gotta love that word, now someone needs to teach me how to pronounce it), but I also spoke out against Bill Clinton having sex with his twenty something intern.

As I have written here many times, the hallmarks of an ethical, moral sexual relationship are that it is consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable, and protected -- and that ethic applies to straights and gays, married and single people, teenagers and the elderly. I fail to see how anonymous sex in a public bathroom could ever meet all of those criteria, regardless of the sex of the participants.

Compassion for how hurting this family and those close to it must be? Absolutely. But a pass for voting to exclude gay and lesbian from the same rights as heterosexuals because of his own self loathing? I don't think so.

This just in...

Despite having pled guilty and paid the fine, now that the story has broken nationally, apparently Senator Craig is now proclaiming his innocence.

This just reported by the Associated Press:


BOISE, Idaho - Under fire from leaders of his own party, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig on Tuesday the only thing he had done wrong was to plead guilty after a police complaint of lewd conduct in a men's room. He declared, "I am not gay. I never have been gay."

"I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport," he said at a news conference with his wife, Suzanne, at his side.

They why walk out of the bathroom after the police officer told him to stop? and why plead guilty and pay the fine? And how do you explain taping the foot of the man in the next stall and reaching under it with your hand three times? (I'm having a hard time picturing this as accidental behavior...I mean really, have you ever touched the foot of someone in the stall next to you by mistake -- and the only time I've put my hand under a stall is to pass someone toilet paper who didn't have any in their's.)

And I don't know if Senator Craig is gay or no. Perhaps he is bisexual. Perhaps he cruises women in public places as well. What I do know is that it certainly seems that now in addition to being a hypocrite, he's a liar. My heart goes out to his wife, Suzanne, who surely must think he did something wrong in that bathroom.

I'll have more to say to the folks who in today's comments think I'm backing away from my support of gay issues in tomorrow's blog. In a word though, it's not the act that concerns me -- it's the hypocrisy.

Yet, Another One....

That's Senator Larry Craig from Idaho; it's a picture from his web site.

Yesterday, Roll Call, the Congressional magazine, reported that back in June, the Senator was arrested for indecent behavior in a men's room at a Minnesota airport. (Why hasn't this been reported until now?) For those of you, like me, who may be unaware of the intricacies of such male bonding rituals, read the description of the incident at Roll Call. It's not for the squeamish; in fact, I'm surprised that the editors of staid Roll Call printed it. It was a bit too much sex education even for me at this early hour.

Once again, I'm left wondering, "What was he thinking?" And in what twin universe could this be moral behavior? And, how must his wife and children be feeling? And what kind of internalized self loathing and cultural homophobia drives someone in his position to take this kind of risk rather than seeking a mature, ethical sexual relationship with someone of the same sex?

And no surprise, when I looked up his voting record at HRC this morning, Senator Craig has voted for anti-gay measures, most recently in 2006 for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Maybe we can count on him now for YES votes on ENDA and Hate Crimes Legislation. He did resign yesterday as chairman of Mitt Romney's presidential campaign in Idaho.

In a world where sexual difference was affirmed as part of God's blessing, maybe, just maybe, these incidents wouldn't happen.

Which Neighbor Do We Need to Love?

My friends at Faith in America alerted me to what's happened in the past month since Rev. Reggie Longcrier from Hickory, North Carolina (is that a great last name for preacher!) asked the Democratic candidates at the CNN/You Tube debates about full inclusion of GLBT persons.

Here's an excerpt from Faith in America's newsletter:

Longcrier's statement that prompted the fundamentalist pastors to publicly deride him read as follows: "Diversity is an important factor in the church's success and gay and lesbian members are accepted and their sexual orientation affirmed," Longcrier stated in an article that was published following his CNN/YouTube debate in Charleston, S.C. on July 23. "God created them as they are, and God loves what he made, period."

Those words prompted Pastor Kathy Johnson of the Greater Shekinah Church in Hickory, N.C. to respond with these words: "While Rev. Longcrier's ministry has done much good in this community, I personally see his intolerance and acceptance of homosexuality as a grave evil." Hickory pastor Dr. Casey Smith wrote these words: "As for homosexuality, it is a vile and damnable sin which the Lord says is an abomination. Any so-called preacher who professes to be a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, while defiling the Word of God, is a most dangerous deceiver."

Of course, what Dr. Smith doesn't seem to know is that Jesus never said anything about homosexuality (at least not recorded in the Gospels.) And what Rev. Johnson seems to have forgotten, is Jesus' call to love our neighbors as ourselves in so many places in the Gospels. In her theology, are gay people outside of the definition of neighbor?

Next week, the Religious Institute is publishing a new guide, "A Time to Seek: Faith Communities and Sexual and Gender Diversity." It outlines what science knows about sexual orientation and gender identity and includes a presentation of what the Bible says and doesn't say. Ordering information will be available on our web site right after Labor Day.

For Rev. Longcrier's eloquent response to his critics, visit Faith in America.

Cooking, Cleaning, Sewing, and Godliness

Now, I took home ec in junior high school. I learned to boil water, make brownies, set a table correctly, and for three years in a row, I sewed a skirt that was unwearable. By the third year, my mother would only buy the fabric at a 5 and 10 because she knew I wouldn't wear my creation. Boys took "shop" while we learned to trace patterns and use an iron.

Now, both of my children went to that very same junior high school (now reconfigured as a middle school) and they both took woodworking and a cooking class. It seemed like progress to me, and Alyssa's towel rack from 10 years ago is still in use in our kitchen.

It turns out that the Southern Baptist Association has decided to reinvigorate the tradition by offering a homemaking major for women ONLY at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Here's the description taken directly from their web site:

Bachelor of Arts in Humanities with a concentration in homemaking. The College at Southwestern endeavors to prepare women to model the characteristics of the godly woman as outlined in Scripture. This is accomplished through instruction in homemaking skills, developing insights into home and family while continuing to equip women to understand and engage the culture of today. The BA in Humanities with a concentration in homemaking provides a solid foundation for life. The woman who completes this degree and concentration will be:

Prepared spiritually – Through significant study of Scripture and theology, each woman will be prepared to be an evangelist and apologist focused upon reaching women, children and families for Christ.

Challenged intellectually – Intensive instruction in the history of Western ideas will challenge each woman to be familiar with the influential people of our past and to give a response from a biblical worldview.

Equipped practically–With four areas of focus, the homemaking concentration student will be equipped

To nurture and care for the family.

In the area of nutrition and food preparation.

By developing a skill in clothing and textile design.

Through practical experiences for skill development for the most important job a woman may have: the nurture and care of the family.

Unfortunately what she won't be prepared for is EMPLOYMENT outside of the home...nor will her male partner be allowed to take classes so that he learns any of the above. The spokesperson for the seminary on the Today Show this morning said that part of the reason for the program is to reduce the number of divorces among Southern Baptists.

It is true that the Bible belt has the highest percentages of divorces; it's here in the liberal Northeast that it's the lowest. Like the teenage abstinence pledging programs created by the Southern Baptists, I'm guessing that this one isn't going to achieve its goal either. But it is going to leave a lot of women unprepared for the day that their husbands leave them, come out, or die.

Surely Godly women need to be better prepared for the 21st century.

Remember?

I received an email from Our Bodies Ourselves that they have downloaded the original OBOS from 1969 onto their web site.

That's the cover to the right.

I'm wondering if I have a copy in the attic. I first picked up OBOS at a women's health conference in 1972, and it was indeed my 18 year old introduction into a new way of thinking about my body and my sexuality. It is one of the few books that I can honestly say changed my life.

I was very proud when I was asked to contribute a small piece to the 2007 edition on religion and sexuality, and even prouder when my daughter was selected as one of their summer interns last year. It was indeed a feminist mother's dream.

Looking through the online copy brought me back to my teenage self and memories of the joys of discovery. Take a look. To my age mate readers, I'd love to post your memories of OBOS. To my younger facebook readers, what books have helped you understand your sexuality?

Good News About Today's Teens...Just Not New News

You may have seen the story today about the new MTV/AP poll on what makes young people ages 13 - 24 happy.

There's actually very little new news in this poll, but it helps dispell once again the myth that teenagers are largely troubled, conflicted, and unhappy with their lives -- or engaging in lots of risk taking behaviors.

In fact, as my new book, "What Every 21st Century Parent Needs To Know" (due out next spring), will report, today's teenagers are less likely to take risks with alcohol, sex, and drugs than teenagers 15 years ago.

The press release says that "being sexually active leads to less happiness among 13 - 17 year olds" but more happiness in the moment for 18 - 24 year olds. Conservative sites are already reporting that "virgins are happier." Well, not quite, when you actually read the research report.

Actually, what the poll found was that almost three quarters of the teens they surveyed haven't had sex in the past week, and almost half (45% to be exact) said the question on their sex life didn't apply to them (I'm not sure though that means they were or weren't virgins or how sexually experienced they were.) I didn't find a question asking if they were virgins and how it affected their feelings of happiness; let me know if you do. Almost half of teens do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend, although 30% of teens who did said that the relationship made them VERY happy. Less than 1% of teens said that "sex" (not defined, I'm guessing teens thought it only meant intercourse) was what made them most happy; 20% of teens said time with their family and 15% said time with their friends. That's good news for all of us who are parenting teens today.

Religion is important to a signficant number of teens. Here's what the report found:

Religion and spirituality are an integral part of happiness for most American young people. 44 percent say that religion and spirituality are either a very important or the single most important thing in their lives, with more than one in ten reporting the latter. And those for whom religion and spirituality play a bigger role in life tend to be happier. 80 percent of those who say spirituality is the most important thing in life say they are happy with life in general, compared with 60 percent of those who say that spirituality is not an important part of life at all.

As they taught me in public health school, it's always a bad idea to confuse correlation with causation. Might happier teens be more likely to attend a religious service? Or younger teens who are happier be more likely to delay having sexual intercourse?

These type of polls don't answer these questions, and we should be careful about using them this way. But, this portrait does paint a positive picture of today's teens (just like the photo above) and as a parent and a minister, that's the really good news.

More Good from BOR...

Yesterday, I posted about becoming an expert on SheSource as a result of my appearance on O'Reilly.

Today, the UU World magazine, the online magazine of my denomination, posted a feature on me and my ministry, leading with -- yes, you're right -- my appearance on O'Reilly. If you've been wondering about my background and journey to ministry, the article does a nice job of reviewing my career path.

So, Bill, thank you...and when are you coming to visit a sex education program?

Good News from Odd Places

As my regular readers know, I was on The O'Reilly Factor in early July, not without a little trepidation on my part.

A number of good things happened because of that appearance. After I got over the initial hate mail, I met a lot of people who support our work and ministry. The UU World contacted me about doing a feature on me. Several hundred new people are now reading my blog on a regular basis.

And She Source and the White House project invited me to be part of their expert panel, to promote women's voices to the media. I've been complaining about the scarcity of progressive women religious leaders on television and radio, and they've come forward to help the Religious Institute with this! Check out my new profile at http://www.shesource.org/shesource/expert.php?source_id=554 and tell them if you have other names to suggest!

More Bad News for the Abstinence-Only Folks

How many studies does it take to prove a program isn't working?

Oh, I wish that was the start of a joke.

This week, the British Medical Journal published an article reviewing 13 abstinence-only-until-marriage programs with data on almost 16,000 students.

No surprise to me or my readers -- their conclusions are the same as other peer reviewed studies. NO program affected the incidence of unprotected vaginal intercourse, the number of partners, condom use or sexual initiation -- and one program actually increased STDS, pregnancies, and sexual frequency.

You can read it yourself at http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/335/7613/248?eaf

But, am I optimistic that this data is going to convince the abstinence-only proponents in Congress to end the multiple million dollar program any time soon? Probably not. But perhaps it will at least help with the requirement that future programs be both medically accurate and based on effectiveness.

Truth telling should always win out.

***
I'm pleased to tell you that the Religious Institute is quoted in an article on Sex Education in today's New York Times. So far this month, we've been quoted in USA Today, the Washington Post, the NY Times, the Miami Herald, the LA Times, the Boston Globe, and so on. Help us get our voice out -- consider donating to support our media efforts.

Leaving for Family

I tried to find a picture of Karl Rove's family on "Google Images", but there weren't any, at least in the first 10 pages of photos.

You know, that Karl Rove resigned yesterday to spend more time with his family...of course. Not because of continuing controversies around Valerie Plame, the dismissed US attorneys, the plummeting esteem of the administration, and so on, but because after 35 years working for Mr. Bush, he realized he had neglected his family and it was time to come home. Oh, and that he had to make up his mind by Labor Day. For resigning members of the Bush administration, family is like the "dog ate my homework" excuse.

So, let's pretend for a minute that he did resign for family reasons. Mr. Rove, I think you are probably going to be very disappointed. See, your son in college most likely doesn't want you more involved in his life, and if you are fantasizing oh even weekly visits, I'm guessing they aren't going to happen. And most of the wives I know of workaholic men who retire complain mightily about their husbands now hanging around the house. As one woman said to me, "For better or worse...just not for lunch."

There is no question that many of us struggle to balance our work and our families...it's just we don't use our families as a convenient excuse to quit, as so many in the Bush administration seem to do.

On the other hand, Rove will be gone in three weeks. Let's hope others aren't far behind.

Restraint, Discipline, and Chastity

A friend and colleague, who happens to be an out ELCA minister, sent me the final text of the resolution that passed the General Assembly by 100 votes this weekend.

It reads:

Resolution passed on August 11th:

RESOLVED, that in an effort to continue as a church in moral deliberation without further strife and pain to its members, the Churchwide Assembly prays, urges, and encourages synods, synodical bishops, and the presiding bishop to refrain from or demonstrate restraint in disciplining those congregations and persons who call into the rostered ministry otherwise-qualified candidates who are in a mutual, chaste, and faithful committed same-gender relationship;

and be it further RESOLVED, that the Churchwide Assembly prays, urges, and encourages synods, synodical bishops, and the presiding bishop to refrain from or demonstrate restraint in disciplining those rostered leaders in a mutual, chaste, and faithful committed same-gender relationship who have been called and rostered in this church.

She writes that this was a stopgap measure as the church debates its "final policy" on these matters. Commenters on Sunday's blog offer their own viewpoint about what happened, and I hope you'll take the time to read them.

For now, can someone tell me what "chaste" means in an adult, mutual, committed relationship, and are heterosexual ministers held to this same standard? Does it mean a relationship with no sexual contact -- or just one where you don't get too excited by it? Either way, it seems like too much to ask of adult partners.

One small step....

On Saturday, the General Assembly of the ELCA voted to ask its bishops to practice restraint in removing lesbian and gay clergy from churches -- and to send the issue to the committee that will release a major report on human sexuality in 2009.

Well, I guess it's a start. Certainly, it's a lot better than voting to remove them. But, it's a long way from affirming that sexual difference is part of God's blessing to us and that loving a same sex partner does not exclude one from God's service in the ministry.

Here's the excerpt for Goodsoil. Go there for more details about what happensed


The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) decided to encourage its bishops to refrain from or demonstrate restraint in the discipline of rostered ministers in committed same-gender relationships. While the assembly deferred outright elimination of its policy that prohibits LGBT ministers from living in loving, lifelong family relations with their life partner, asked the church to prepare for such decision at its next assembly in 2009.

Emily Eastwood, Executive Director, Lutherans Concerned/North America said,
Today this church moved one giant step from the punitive rejection of partnered LGBT ministers to the willing tolerance of them. We see this decision as interim. Full inclusion and acceptance is still down the road, but the dam of discrimination has been broken. This is a great day for LGBT clergy who will walk into their pulpits tomorrow knowing perhaps for the first time that this church values their gifts for ministry more than the policy that would exclude them. The church is on the road to acceptance. The end of exclusion is in sight. With this decision the voting members signaled a desire for policy change, but the need for two more years to bring more of the church along.

You can't be just a little pregnant. I don't think you can be just a little welcoming and inclusive. But, let's pray that Emily is right: it's a new day and a new beginning.

Inch by Inch

My cable system doesn't get LOGO, the gay cable station, so I wasn't able to watch the HRC sponsored debate with the leading Democratic candidates, but I did read about it.

To my mind, the most important thing about the debate is that it happened at all. Ten years ago, when Ellen DiGeneris coming out made the cover of TIME magazine, it would have been unthinkable that the leading Democratic candidates would have participated in such a forum. Of course, it's still unthinkable that the Republican candidates would.

From what I've gleaned, Senators Obama, Clinton, and Edwards are all for legal rights, but none is willing to embrace the idea of marriage equality. I'm going to send all three campaigns a copy of our "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality" so that perhaps they can quickly understand why marriage is so important. Yes, I know that Dennis Kucinich and Senator Gravel support marriage equality, but I think it is critical this year to have a candidate who might actually win. (Maybe I'm just too old...I did vote for John Anderson back in 1980.)

As the debate went on, the ELCA continued to debate whether non-celibate ministers could retain their ordinations...and apparently continued to do so all of today as well. You'd never know that from the official ELCA web site which has NO news about any of this, but Goodsoil does. I'll post as soon as I know something. Regardless of the outcome, the fact that the ELCA is seriously engaging the issue is progress as well.

We're not there yet, but surely progress is being made...it seems like every day.

Will the Truth Set Them Free?

Last night, at 6:30 p.m. in Chicago, these 82 Lutheran ministers put their careers on the line by announcing at the ELCA General Assembly that they are gay or lesbian and in loving, committed relationships.

And on Friday, the ELCA General Assembly will in essence vote if they are to lose their jobs. Actually, according to Lutherans Concerned, a couple of hundred ministers and seminarians have been removed because they are in same sex relationships in the past two years.

Many of them tell their stories in a new publication called "A Place Within My Walls" that you can download at http://www.goodsoil.org/ My heart hurt as I read the stories of these courageous ministers who have decided that they can be silent no more.

Several years ago, the ELCA voted to ordain lesbian and gay ministers IF they agreed to be celibate. It's hard for me to understand the rationale behind this type of decision: if sexuality is part of God's gift to us, if sexual diversity is part of God's blessing, if God calls us to be in communion in others, surely God rejoices when we find loving partners to journey with in life. How can this church teach "where there is love, the sacred is in our midst" yet deny it to their gay and lesbian ministers?

The Bible also calls us to truth telling: know the truth and the truth will make us free.

These 82 ministers spoke truth to power last night. We'll know on Friday if the ELCA votes for that freedom.

Please pray for them today.

Faith Leaders For....

Yesterday, I participated in a conference call by the Edwards campaign for faith leaders. The call focused on Senator Edwards commitment to the poor, and other moral issues, from the war in Iraq, the environment, and yes, sexual justice issues, were never mentioned. There were only a few minutes on the call for questions, and it didn't seem the time to bring up anything new into the mix.

Religious leaders are being courted heavily by the campaigns for their endorsement. It's as if we are right up there with rock stars, hollywood celebrities, and people with deep pockets. Last week, Bishop Gene Robinson came out for Senator Obama to much press attention.

Frankly, I'm not ready to endorse anyone (a viable pro-choice, pro-sexuality education, pro-marriage equality candidate who is also against the War and committed to domestic issues like health care has yet to emerge) -- and I'm not sure it is appropriate for well known religious leaders to do so. The Interfaith Alliance scolded Bishop Robinson for his endorsement. Sure, each of us an individuals can endorse candidates, but the fact is, that as the head of a religious institution or in my case, an organization, it's a bit disingenuous to say, "Now I'm just talking for myself here" and not expect people to see the institution behind us.

I also wonder how sincere this effort to develop "Faith Leaders for Candidate X" really is -- or for that matter, whether we shouldn't be skeptical about how often candidate's faith is coming into the campaign. I actually applauded Mitt Romney for refusing to get into a discussion of Mormonism last week on the air. Perhaps we all need to be reminded about Article VI of the Constitution: "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust."

Tell me what you think.

Do You Know How to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse?

The Sunday Review of Books featured an ad for yet another new book for children on "stranger danger" called "You're NOT my Daddy."

I inwardly groaned, thinking about the scared but earnest parents who would buy it and feel that they had protected their children from sexual abuse. But, what if it is their daddy -- or their step-daddy, their uncle, their coach, their teacher, their babysitter, their Sunday School teacher? Because, in 9 in 10 cases, people who sexually abuse children are well known to the child.

I am passionate about protecting children from sexual abuse. I know so many adults -- both friends and clients - - whose lives have been scarred from acts they endured as children. The statistics say 1 in 4 women, 1 in 6 men...but in private conversations it seems so much higher.

That's why I wrote the books "Balancing Acts" and "A Time to Heal", to help congregations prevent abuse and consider the possibility of how to safely minister to an offender. I am pleased to tell you that there is now an online course on these issues, developed in conjunction with the UUA and the New England Adolescent Research Institute, and it is FREE. I am grateful to Joan Tabachnick, my co-author of the course, and NEARI for making this happen. I hope you'll let clergy and lay leaders in YOUR congregation know about this new resource and encourage them to take the course. It will be a valuable resource if you wanted to know more about healthy childhood sexual development, the signs of potential abuse, people with history of sex offenses, and what YOU can do to protect children.

The new course was featured in an AP story in newspapers across the country this weekend. You can read it at http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2007/08/03/online_course_helps_churches_deal_with_sex_offenders/?page=2 I'm hoping that the publicity means that more congregations will start looking at what they can do.

A Better Week in Washington, D.C.

The Child Health Bill should be a no-brainer and should unify conservatives and progressives in making sure that all children receive health care coverage. Surely we can all agree that every child has a right to the medical care and preventive services they need.

But, not surprisingly riders of all sorts have been attached to these bills. The good news though, according to NARAL, is that the Senate yesterday narrowly defeated (50 - 49) an anti-choice rider to the bill, that would have extended coverage to embryos and fetuses but not pregnant women.

And the House voted to change the authorization for a part of the abstinence-only-until-marriage program so that, according to SIECUS, programs must now:

*contain medically and scientifically accurate information;

*give states the flexibility to use funds for more comprehensive programs which discuss abstinence, but may also include information on birth control;

*require funded programs to have been proven effective at decreasing teen pregnancy, STD, and HIV/AIDS rates.

Of course, both of these now how to go to the other side to work out a compromise on the final bill.

Let's hope and pray that wisdom and care will prevail.

Change, Change, Change

We went to see "Menopause The Musical" last night for my birthday. It seemed like a fitting way to spend my 53rd birthday. My partner, ever the good guy, was one of three men in the audience.

It was fun, in a depressing sort of way. Songs from the 60's and 70's had their words altered to talk about the symptoms of menopause, from "Change, change, change, change of life" to ditties about hot flashes, night sweats, menopausal rage, mood swings, and so on. I couldn't decide if I'm one of the lucky group of women with only minimal perimenopausal symptoms or if the next five years portend a new kind of hell.

Fortunately, the musical ended on an upnote, affirming women's sexuality and "I've Got A New Attitude." I'd prefer to see the next decade as an opportunity for growth, adventure, and change in all the good uses of the word.

You may remember that last year for my birthday I went to see the "Dixie Chicks." I've promised myself that next year I won't follow this trajectory with something like "Grey Gardens."

Gratitude

A reporter called me yesterday to do a profile of me and the Religious Institute for her magazine.

At the end of the phone call, she asked me if I was glad that I had become a minister.

I was flooded with feelings of gratitude and caught my breath. "I am so glad," I answered. "I am so grateful for the work I get to do, the people I get to meet, the places I get to go, the lives I am privileged to share, the opportunties that have emerged through my ministry."

Today is my birthday, and it seems like a good time to say "Thank you". Thank you to my spouse, my children, my family, my friends, my colleagues, and to all of you who care to find out what I think. Thank you to God for my life, my health, my ministry, and for the love that supports and sustains me.

I am blessed and grateful...and very glad.